Hobug

[sKePTiKal]

uh..... 'scuse me...... (mumble mumble)..... can I butt in here, a minute?

Sea, you said the price of love is steep. Granted, that taking the risk to love makes us vulnerable to being hurt so badly we curl up into ourselves like turtles into a shell... and we'd just as soon stay there & never take that risk again...

... but if we can shift the emphasis or focus just a bit - we can also propose (a what if) that taking the risk to love doesn't cost a thing and that the loving itself, is it's own reward. It's only when there is an expectation or desire for reciprocity or a condition set on the love... that we hurt. At least, that's the understanding of it that I've learned - through my own grief-history and through grieving my MIL. [and YES; there are primary relationships that we naturally expect to have reciprocity of this feeling in....]

It's like, if we can center and ground ourselves in the love itself - the feeling permeates us - we are a channel for it and also benefit from it. No matter the response from the target of the love, you know? We can send love to those we love - even without asking for a return; sort of like sending Reiki "white light" energy... and we also experience the love we are sending. It feels like the balm of comfort.....

Maybe I'm just wacked out crazy, but to me love is one of the universal energies - just like gravity or electromagnetism. It's all around us, all the time - like our atmosphere.... and oh yeah, all the other things too; some not nearly so pleasant. We can tune our hearts & minds to "seek" for that love wavelength of energy spectrum... and when we find it... relax into it. Our private little love-heart chakra or whatever. I don't know what to call it, really.

And sometimes, in this place - we wail and cry and grieve, only to purge ourselves of what is keeping us from hearing and feeling that love-energy. Turtle shells don't let us connect to that energy, I've found.

Now, if I can figure out how to do this... while going about all the other things I do all the time (emotional multi-tasking???)... and not losing the "frequency" to static and interference... well, I'll let you know!!      

I for one, am grateful for all the "momming" that gets done here - for me personally, and I also benefit from the "momming" we do for each other, too. It feels good.

[Hopalong]

Thought I'd look up my older threads on holidays and it was so meaningful to read this one. Ten years ago!

SO much to be grateful for this year and part of it is knowing that life moves forward and we're still here.

Whatever form your happiness may take this week and for the rest of the year, may it leaves good seeds in its wake.

Hope all that brings hope and splashes of joy, small or large, will come to all of you, and more than once.

Much love,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Wow, Hops, I went back to the beginning of this, I will have to re-read it all as only did the first page but aw, it was nice to see Izzy, and I was amazed to see myself on here - I've been on here ten years??!!  Genuinely would not have thought it was that long, how amazing.  Yes, I am eternally grateful to have this space and all of you.

Happiness for me was sneaking out early this morning with sweets for the neighbours' kids and leaving them on the doorsteps for them, followed by a long walk in almost absolute silence.  Very little traffic, the air is really crisp, the stars were out and I could hear the birds singing.  That was lovely.  Pressies are wrapped, son is currently asleep in bed and yesterday my phone was delivered - I have finally entered the age of the smart phone (second hand, of course, but I want to work out how to use it so that I can check apps for son and then see whether trying to convince him to put them on his own phone is a good idea).  Son, bless him, has told me he'll show me how to download stress relieving games and teach me how to play them so that I don't get stressed all the time   I try to hide it but it obviously shows!

[Hopalong]

Hi all,
I just did my annual re-read of this thread and it hit me like a truckfull of bricks how incredibly y'all held me above water during an excruciating season. So many years ago...12+...and what a massive, MASSIVE difference each voice here made in my life. Y'all lifted me up for a good gulp of real air over and over.

Sad past subjects or not, I finished re-reading this thread with a smile on my face and real joy in my heart.

THANK YOU to every one of you, thither and yon...Happy EVERYTHING.

Much love,
Hops

PS  --- Once a decade, about, I send a vaguely New Year's card. I was really happy with this one: for under $10 I ordered 2 doz. prints of a really special pix of Pooch curled up in sunbeams (plus an 8x10 for later, to go on my bedroom wall). I already had a box of nice-cardstock blank cards I'd gotten online for $20. Glued prints on the fronts carefully, wrote a Happy Everything message, and have them ready for the mail carrier tomorrow. Felt great!

Wish I could mail them to all of you. Happy Everything.

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Thank you, too, Hops, for all you have done for the people on this message board!

As always,

Richard

[Hopalong]

And Happy Hanukkah to you and yourn, Doc G!

I hope you're doing well and will stay warm and full of peace.

love and gratitude,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Since we've begun to embrace Yule around here, instead of Christmas - the holidays are much easier to bear. Yule begins today - the Solstice. And the light of day will start lasting long now through spring. There is  still  February to get through (tough as it is) but I'll  have seedlings sprouting by then. 

[Hopalong]

I love that idea!

YULE!

[Hopalong]

I feel such relief today! Always very glad that Xmas is behind us, and I enjoy this week a lot, the buildup to the New Year. Not particularly rationally, but I tap into positive hopeful feelings this time of year.

(I wrote somewhere that the Russkies should view the big Zs on their equipment as standing for: "Zelensky's." His speech was a big bawling highlight for me last week.)

Had a nice visit at a friend's today, sipping my fave microbrew and just yakking about church stuff and general home projects and this and that. Came home after the cleaner and felt my regular bottomless gratitude that this gentle woman makes my home sparkle 2x/month, doing things my back won't let me do. I gave her a huge bonus with the Pooch card and that made me happy. Her too.

Xmas itself was (to me, humorously) a near-pinnacle of pitiful because of my poor planning. Xmas Eve I planned after I fetched an Rx at the pharmacy, to go by a favorite restaurant and pick up 2 of their fabulous veggie quesadillas (one for Xmas Eve dinner and one for Xmas day's) which they'd fiddle to half cheese/double vegs...and they had closed the kitchen early. Duh, shoulda thoughta that. So never mind, I tells me resilient self, we'll fetch burritos at the Mexican place and...they were closed. Wound up eating drugstore pretzels for Xmas Eve dinner which was so stupid I laughed. Xmas Day I found a good Chinese restaurant open for delivery, and it was yum. So it all worked out. But I'm planning ahead for next year! I find I can do fine without custom or celebration, but not without some special food!

All in all, another December soon bites the dust and I'm so looking forward to January. There's no "new normal" yet and I'm not sure there ever will be. So learning to roll with it and remind myself I ain't the center of anything, is helpful. Big strides on that. Had a meeting today at the faboo condo of the Pres of the local Village nonprofit I'm VP of, and enjoying. She's driven, I'm in her wake but being as productive as I can. I enjoy brainstorming and planning with her for the course on Aging in Place we're team-teaching at the U. (continuing ed org) this spring.

Meanwhile, I'm warm, safe, and lucky. Pooch is dozing under her "christmas blankie" at the foot of the bed...my friends all loved the card w/ the photo of her in the sunbeams captioned "light in winter" and I feel lucky, alive, well, fortunate and though the word's been annoyingly trademarked by others, blessed.

hugs y'all,
Hops

[Hopalong]

Sunshine streaming in and temps in the 60s today. After the bomb cyclone stretch it feels like a miracle, although it shouldn't be this warm.

Visited neighbors yesterday for a stretch, they are such nice people. They go to Italy a lot and she wanted to show me their Xmas tree, photos from the trip, etc. And feed me things I shouldn't sit next to. It was fun and made me feel good. Dunno why it took so long for us to get to know each other better. Her hub's a really good guy who volunteers to help people make health insurance decisions about Medicare, gap policies, all that. I skipped his review during open enrollment this year but asked him if we could do it again in a year.

He's one I'd really like to interest in being on our board (our local chapter of vtvnetwork.org). One thing we need to accomplish is to recruit volunteers in their 60s if possible. We'll arrange social events for them and if they're making friends and enjoying it, it'll grow naturally. They can ask for services for themselves and be both "members" (folks needing help) AND volunteer for others. That'll be true for anybody who joins. You can give and receive and by the time you're st whatever your own tipping point is (iow, you need more practical help at home now or can't keep living independently) you'll have a supportive local network you've already been part of for a time.

[Hopalong]

Hobug to all again!
I so enjoyed the last-minute invite to writer pal's writer pal's place. In a cozy 1920's neighborhood, fab house, fab host, fab vegan feast. We yakked and drank gluwine (glogg) and ate Moroccan dishes and it was a feast for everything. I think Xmas with galpals is wonderful.

I drove my friend J who's losing her sight but indominatably independendent. Another pal is facing hip replacement next month. So much solidarity among aging women on their own whom I know. Helping each other face the transitions our bodies bring.

Very strange to be getting short emails from D. I'm responding very carefully and warily but ... responding. She's dealing with chronic illness and chronic pain. Asked me to get her a copy of her birth certif and the mailing address she provided (thanks, Google) is a homeless resource center. I hope she's coping but my gift to myself is to maintain detachment. I know she only reached out for money, but this time my emergency fund was ready and I'm not regretting I committed to fix her teeth. She's made the appt (there'll be a whole series) for next month. I'm glad.

I will not suggest a visit. Me there or her here. If SHE brings it up one day, I'd welcome her visiting during the day but don't feel comfortable having her stay here overnight and would advise her to stay with her stepmom. (My concern, rational or not, is her going through my private papers and/or even, possibly, theft. I know she did that before out of a sense of desperation, but I'm fierce about not allowing anything like staying in my safe peaceful home unless trust has been rebuilt. I just don't believe her sense of right/wrong has been healed. So that's that.)

All in all, I feel grateful, Xmas went well, and I always love this gentle week before New Year's.

Hope alla-y'all have gotten through and found peace in the stillness. And love wherever it lands.

hugs,
Hops

PS -- Speaking of stillness, a major holidays pleasure for me is driving across town on Xmas Day/Evening or the day after. The streets are SO empty, quiet and peaceful it takes me right back to the 50s. In the back seat of a big ole car with huge fins (think ship) moving through familiar old neighborhoods (not new developments) with Christmas lights everywhere. Magical. Always love it.

[lighter]

Your visit with your friends sounds so joyful, Hops!  I know it's a comfort to visit people who share food choices.... just drops tension right down and provides relief and a sense of calm for me. 

As for your dd reaching out...... you continue to sound calm and wise.   You've learned valueable lessons.  Stepping around past reactivity and mistakes opens up hope for something new. 

As for Winter Solstice celebrations here.... we've enjoyed watching the squirrels carry off peanut butter bird seed pinecones hung in the Hemlocks.  I  haven't seen one bird enjoying them and I really thought they'd show up. 

Next year I want to come up with better ideas and more pinecone decorations.  Maybe string some lights with them. Not sure, but I'm glad to read your updates..... hope you do get your yummy food figured out ahead next year, for sure; )

Lighter