Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
lighter:
Oh, sweet animals, Hops. Your horse story made me cry!
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Oh Hops - lovely horse story! I love them too.
And it is SOOOO true about how men & women see the world differently.
We have the patience and curiosity to pick through our emotional chamber pots trying to divine the secrets of the universe through them...
While men, simply see a tree = shade, renewable fuel, nuts or something that's edible, or something that is a comfort to them when they return to the abode covered in grease, mud and supposed glory (in the world of men). They don't believe there's much value in picking through feelings for secrets.
(Greatly oversimplifying/stereotyping here.)
Hahahahahahahaaa. God's last laugh on how he designed humans I guess. But it's also a clue, to us who are trying to puzzle out how to live with each other, as peacefully as possible.
Hopalong:
I think you're right, Amber. (And Light!)
Did I mention that he raved about the suckling pig he ate in Madrid? He cringed a little in my direction after he said it...but his appetite for taste knows no bounds.
I'm struggling (again) with my hesitation around intimacy (physical), for which he has waited a long time now. Working on it with my T. Got brave enough to tell him how certain behaviors freeze me shut (grabbing for it, whining for it, obsessively talking about it--which he recently stopped cold, I think after visiting his own T).
My problem is how long it takes me to thaw. He had unintentionally clueless and off-putting approaches for so long I feared it'd destroy my attraction for him completely. Came close, but in fact it hasn't. The nice thing is I'm motivated more by love (wanna make him happy) than I was before. So the time is coming and though I'm sure it'll turn out all right, I'm apprehensive. I felt SO much discomfort for so long, and then he relaxed and stopped pestering, but I sense the vacation from pressure is ending...and I'm nervous. Part of me wants to get it over with, so we can move forward with our plans.
So as delicately as I can put it, that's it. I don't need how-to, just encouragement for the emotional side, that I can stay balanced within myself.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
Oh, Hops.
I hope you can enjoy his enjoyment in you. I hope his amazement, and attraction makes you feel amazing, and attractive. Powerful, and seductive. In control, and grateful that he's so attracted to you, for so many things, in so many ways. You're well rounded, intellectual, matched so well in so many ways.... this male/female magnet is a small part of a bigger picture... not THE PICTURE.
In other words... I hope you can have a glass or two of wine, get into something that makes you feel powerful/at your best, then let him discover more amazing things about you, for surely he'll be amazed no matter what you do. (But he can't whine or whatever it is that drives you nuts.) He just can't.
::shaking head:: Both Ts need to go over this, with both of you guys, and it needs to be something that's not happening anywhere AROUND intimacy. Appears he's surfing pretty good right now.
I'm in favor of undies on, making out like teenagers for a bit, myself. Agreement up front, lots of in small steps. Maybe you've already climbed those smaller hills in Paris?
Worst case scenario, take a nerve pill, and try to be amazed at his amazement.... stay curious, and nonjudgmental as you can. You might be super surprised in a happy way!
Lighter
Hopalong:
Thanks, Lighter -- warm words well received.
I do have to confess I noticed the how-tos, though: drink wine, negligee, nerve pill, whatever.
I honestly DON'T need/want how-to suggestions (got that part) but I was happy and comforted by your great suggestions for the emotional side. That's where I've been wobbly.
Thank you!
Hugs,
Hops
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