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Relationship/s

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Twoapenny:
Hops, I have absolutely no advice to give you because I have 'been without' for so long now I wouldn't have a clue what to do now!  But I am really glad that you and M have/are working through things and that the things that were bugging you seem to have receded (bull fighting and suckling pigs aside!).  But it's great that he hears you and is willing to work at things and make changes.  I'm really happy for you and I hope that at some point it just feels 'okay' and the nervousness dispels a bit xx

lighter:
Hops:

I'm just tucking into the book FACING CODEPENDENCE, What it is, Where it comes from, How it sabotages our lives by Pia Mellody, and the part about feeling resentment....

feeling resentment....

feeling resentment.... struck a chord, for myself, when I read it this morning. I SEE that in my life.  I've lived it.  I'm so very tired of it inhabiting my life in ways I wasn't even aware of, but see when I examine it... or have it pointed out for me. 

It struck a chord reading your post about M taking your wrist or hand, not that it's applicable. 

SO MANY CHORDS, really, and

The words "I feel resentful" were the buzzwords I spoke JUST before my T suggested the Codependency books, and now I see WHY she suggested them.  I wish I'd read them long ago.   I wish we could directly input this information into children when they're in grade school, but I digress. 

I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel whatever it is coming up, for certainly you do.  I'm suggesting there might be something underneath it, that's observable, and helpful to discern.

Or not.

You're speaking up, expressing how you feel, asking for what you want, and asking M to stop doing certain things is HUGE,  Hops. 

Those pesky boundaries, right?

Lighter

Hopalong:
Turns out, the secret was

BUBBLE

BATH.

:)

A happy
Hops

sKePTiKal:
 :D :D :D :D :D

(((hops)))

Hopalong:
Amber, had this in reply to you on Codependence thread but realized it goes here.

M and I looked at a house for fun and have talked about it a bit, and he indicated I could start learning what's out there since he has to start teaching next week, and I realized I wasn't sure about the parameters. So I didn't make it complicated, just asked: What is the range you're comfortable spending and what square footage? So he told me, so now I can focus. It all has to wait until he sells his condo in San Jose (CR), which might take a while, since he doesn't touch principal. And that's good to know too. (It helps that we've already had the money talk: it's simple for us because he's got it, I don't, and he's ready to spend it on our life and even to support me. I have my SS so won't be completely dependent (except for travel but he has literally hundreds of thousands of FF miles so I can accept the rest more easily) and after we move in together I'll have some rent coming in from this house. But in the big picture, he's going to buy the house and that simplifies things.) He's even open to the idea of a wing on my current house, which I'd love, but I doubt that'll work out.

Not worrying about it but it's a new phase for us. Complicated but happy to think about. I'm in no rush, and leaving this sweet hideaway will be hard. Likely nothing could happen before spring or next summer anyway. So I'll savor my time here while I can.

Hops

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