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Relationship/s

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Hopalong:
Since they're both grand pianos, we could put them end to end in some long room...great idea! Nah, I'll likely keep my little house mostly furnished as it is right here, and come back for long stretches. Maybe we'd redo the larger bedroom as a retreat for us both and it could be our pied a terre if he wants to come too. I dunno, but we'll sort it all out. His present ridiculous house is enough space for a family of 10. But given the generations of family stuff he's archiving, he might need it. Not me. I am living light as a feather compared to him and I do not envy the affluence. (I like the basic security for old age part, a LOT, but NOT the "stuff." Ugh.)

Pooch had a great time skittering around on his fancy carpets and charging up and down stairs. He stuffed her with milkbones and although she was vigilant as before, she was more relaxed. The nice thing is he's sensitive and observant. We both noticed when he reached out his arm toward me (to stroke my hair) along the couch she tensed up and watched with concern. No leaping or biting, but she has that memory: man's arm heading toward woman's head, not good! She caught on, though. It's safe. He's great with her and genuinely loves dogs.

Dinner and talking in 3-D at last was wonderful and we had a huge long conversation, still filling in loads of stories and gaps which will go on for ages. Lots of hugs and happiness. And I did get to look him right in the eyes to tell him how I feel and that felt great. We're in a good place, and what's been different for him was that he was on the dating site for one week before running across me, and I had been on and off these sites without success for MANY YEARS. He simply couldn't process that it happened so soon. But he's caught on and is happy too!

So. One day, one email, one time together at a time, and we'll just start accumulating each others' stories and figure out who we are. Since he's a cultural historian, every single anecdote about his family wanders in and out of a huge family tree and he explains somebody's relationship to somebody general such and so and detoured to some ambassador and industrialist A and industrialist B and I am as lost as I would be in a math spreadsheet. But it's how he narrates his world, with constant detours, so I get it. I just talk about people and insights and behaviors and what drives folks. Because the dates and timelines wreck my brain.

Turns out, being miserable and thinking so hard about why for so very long is actually a nice place to be as an older person. I feel WISE! And appreciated, and he's so pragmatic and driven and accomplishment oriented that he's a great balance for someone with negligible executive function.

(I forgot to take the pearls to him. Will do that Saturday. He's already ordered me more socks. This is ri di cu lous.)

love you all, so gratefully...
Hops

sKePTiKal:
I'm so happy for ya Hops!

Could be you're developing a real connection at the same time, you're having loads of fun - as you each share about yourselves. And you ARE WISE! we have all benefited here from your insights and perspective.

Maybe... just maybe... this is the "missing piece" in your life, that balances the inward looking?

Two of my favorite people finding "partners in joy" - you and Hol - are encouraging me to not give up on my own search for another "Mr. Right" for "Right Now".

Hopalong:
I think so, (((Amber))).
I really do think for both of us, we're what's been missing.
He's been telling me that in terms of how I think and observe, I'm something he's been lacking his whole life. I respond with compassion to a vulnerability and he's poleaxed. He's been over-driven, forever. Something about that weighty family tree has been holding him down, or holding him back from joy, I believe. So that's what I get to do and it's fun! I also make him laugh which makes me feel delighted, since there's not much I enjoy more.

I was relieved last night when he said there really could be up to two years to sort out the bi-coastal or whatever, and that made me feel less pressure. My hope is we'll turn it into shared creativity and adventure. Meanwhile, it's all so new that every encounter, every email, is full of discovery and fun.

For a renowned professor, he uses exclamation points and hyperbole like a teenager on twitter. (But they're all about MEEEEEEEEEEE.)

It's funny, and wondrous, and ridiculous, and human, and I am so so so lucky.

YOU? Hell yeah, woman. I'm telling you, there's the educated cowpoke survivalist of your dreams in the next holler over, for sure. Once he gets the internet working in his custom mahogany double wide, he's gonna find you. And one look at those boots and pearls and he'll be hitching up his Bobcat, whistling for his bluetick hound and making his way over to dig some postholes to try to impress you.

xxxxooo
Hops

Twoapenny:
I have tears in my eyes, Hops, I am so genuinely delighted for you and so happy to read that it's just sort of happening?  Without lots of angst or ignoring problems or pretending things are fine.  Is serendipity the word?  When things just seem to happen?  I'm glad Pooch approves as well and am so very happy for you.  I am really looking forward to reading more about what's happening and what you learn about each other.  Gosh, you really deserve a happy, fun filled chapter in your life :)  I'm so happy for you xx xx

Hopalong:
So do YOUUUUUUUU, Tupp, so do you.

When you're down please remember:
1) How truly amazing and smart and wonderful and deep and VALUABLE you are, and

2) If ole Hops can receive a random act of kindness from the universe at nearly 69, it can happen to you too.

I don't think there's any magic potion except that I really did work on accepting whatever is while ALSO insisting that I find some way of being that kept space open for the possibility of good things happening. I'm no "Secret" believer, but I do know thinking that way made life better. Even if M had never responded to my profile, I was still feeling more open. Just...open. Not expecting.

Meanwhile, for you to be moved for me moves me. Thanks, dear. I really mean this gratitude.

(Of course, should M and I unexpectedly hit the dust or I discover some awful deal breaker, where else would I recover? Right HERE, thanks to you and everyone.)

Love,
Hops

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