Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
lighter:
I didn't realize you'd chosen a particular T.
This wonderful experience with a Sikh male T might be more healing than if you'd ended up with anyone else.
To be heard, feel understood, embrace and be embraced.... and feel safe enough to speak your truth with these guys is very special, IME. I'm so glad things are going well.
Thanks for that update, Hops.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I don't like it when M explains to me what my feelings are about.
He explains EVERYTHING in all circumstances. Professoritis.
I can handle it mostly, and often enjoy it. But not always.
Feeling building anxiety about the big trip. Need to focus.
SOOOOO glad I have both-T appointments tomorrow!
Arrrrgggghhhh,
Hops
lighter:
How did T go, Hops?
You're so good at speaking with compassion..... I can imagine it's hard to get your point across.
I sure hope the T straightened it out: )
Lighter
Hopalong:
Well, my own T at 2:00 is a perfect setup for couples-T at 3:00 (half a block away). In the new year she'll have to change the day, but I enjoyed this while it lasted. There will be benefits from not doing both the same day too (one thing being I'll be less likely to make first-hour all about the second-hour...which isn't just for me).
It was good in both sessions. My T listened to me dump a lot of anxiety buildup over the trip and some of M's not-hearing-me behaviors. Then we went to couple-T, who is very smart and insightful and tends to be able to state the bottom line of what I'm struggling to describe. I think we were lucky to find him.
Long story short, he suggested that M respond to me setting a boundary with a specific phrase, "I hear you and I love you." As a way of reminding himself. And for me, he encouraged me to be willing to be more authoritative in my own behalf in terms of stating what I need (drawing boundaries) and not being fearful of sticking to it.
That was great. And because I've been feeling a need to focus on myself and not have so many M-messages (morning, afternoon and evening emails, plus periodic voicemails and an evening call) coming in at the moment, particularly as I'm gearing up for a long and daunting trip (plus holiday gifts for him and his family, etc)...T asked M, would it be all right with you if she makes the next step toward you, are you content to wait for that? M said, of course (never mind my past experience with him absolutely freaking out). I think in part he said it because he admires and wants to impress Sikh-T. Works for me!
We had a nice dinner together and then M said as he left, I'll wait to hear from you, and I just said thank you, that would be great. Interestingly, he came up instantly with two other "urgent" things he might still need to contact me about...(bringing over his fig plant so my housesitter can water it--hellloooo, we don't leave until the 23rd--and one other small pretext-for-contact that I can't recall). And I just said No, neither of those are urgent.
So we'll see. I'll probably just take a day or two to shake off the ritual contacts I'd begun to feel a little smothered by. And then be ready to receive (and even enjoy) them again. It's just the way I am. Comes a point when it feels as though he's literally programming me to never stop thinking about him for five minutes.
I think about him anyway. But he works MUCH too hard to ensure I never stop, and for me it's been getting out of balance. This T session was a huge help. I like the T a lot. He and I often connect through eye contact while M is on a talking roll. Not condescending, just a glance that tells me he completely sees all that's happening and is holding us both in a compassionate and very alert way.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
Aw, Hops, the T does sound great, really good match for you, I would think, and somehow even nicer than he is Sikh, as I imagine a good experience with a religious person will be a good thing for you after so many negatives? Provides a bit of balance for you :)
Yes, there are lines, aren't there? Someone wanting to hear your voice is lovely. Someone contacting you so often that you can't hear your own voice isn't. I do get and understand that completely. Some people really like that sort of constant contact but it's the sort of thing that drives me nuts :) We're just all different, aren't we, in so many ways. I'm really glad you and M have this nice T to help you through things and that M is taking it all onboard (at least in the office, at any rate!). I hope he is able to ease off a little bit and let you breath through the holiday season, Hops. It would be nice for you to be able to enjoy the time with his family xx
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