Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
Hopalong:
That's my instinct, Tupp. And thanks for the hugs.
I think it's premature and with a huge chance prices will drop enormously coming up (virus and economy), it might make more sense to wait.
I still have the same security fears of old age, and moving in and marrying will take care of those. But we might go about our plans in better shape after some more months of counseling together. For now, I'm just going to wait and see what he says.
Didn't sleep all night for all the churning in my head, but on some level, also calmed down a bit.
Hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Hops, I'm glad you appreciate seeing what is underlying M's frustrating and sometimes scary behaviors. Your famous compassion will guide you the right way, I'm sure. All while looking out for yourself. He's lucky, in that this is such a strong part of you.
The fact that you are BOTH working on it - from your respective roles/boundaries - is excellent; I think it's what we hold in common as the "ideal" of a partnership. You're giving him the time/space to resolve it for himself. With love & compassion. That's a big gift. I think you're right to go back to "Hops' space" for a bit... and maybe tidy things up there and relax a bit.
I will surmise a little bit: and say I think that there are differences in how men/women process and finally accept the big reality of life - that of certain, but hopefully only eventual death. There are variations out the wazoo - depending on the person's past experience and ego/personality quirks.
My management style, means for me, that planning for eventualities gives me some peace of mind. Even while admitting that the "plan" has to have flexibility for the things that a person simply can't see ahead of time. Dealing with that uncertainty - to me - is the hardest bit. The scariest. But having faced it in the not to distant past, dead on, is how I came to find that I have a deep well of TRUST. In exactly WHAT, I don't have clue one. I just trust that everything will be OK - even when it's NOT OK.
And I have no idea whether that's just some naive belief left over from my weird childhood... or what it is. It's certainly not something I can rationally defend as being logical. I just know it's as real as anything else in my life.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on March 10, 2020, 07:37:05 AM ---That's my instinct, Tupp. And thanks for the hugs.
I think it's premature and with a huge chance prices will drop enormously coming up (virus and economy), it might make more sense to wait.
I still have the same security fears of old age, and moving in and marrying will take care of those. But we might go about our plans in better shape after some more months of counseling together. For now, I'm just going to wait and see what he says.
Didn't sleep all night for all the churning in my head, but on some level, also calmed down a bit.
Hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
I understand the insecurities around some of the things Hops, but also know (from doing it many times!) that moving into the wrong place can be a costly and very expensive mistake. You could maybe just keep your eyes open and if exactly the right thing comes up, you both love it, it's the right price and so on then great - but maybe put searching and viewing and really trying slightly to one side for now. And like you say, you might find prices drop so you could end up getting something really lovely for less than you'd pay for it now. I'm glad you're working things out and glad M is able to say what is troubling him like that - I think that says a lot of good things about him xx
Hopalong:
Thanks, ((((((Amber)))))))).
I loved every word of your post.
I think you've doomed me, as I'm now addicted to Outlander.
Who KNEW? (It finally came to Netflix.)
Now that I am reminded of parallel universes (with hot Scots), this one is much less scary.
I'm connecting with my irrational TRUST too.
Because I don't think rationality is all there is.
Thanks, you.
And ((((Tupp))), I think I'm on the right page after all.
I think house-hunting right now is not sensible.
M's just lost a huge hunk more, and shoving ahead with a buy and a move would be nuts.
We're okay.
I'm mostly ready to hunker down.
I could stay in my house for a month or two without starving.
Didn't stock up a TON but have enough to stave off fear.
Staying home is cozy.
I'm not ready to go move in temporarily to do it with M (he tends to go out almost daily)...but we're in good touch.
His thoughts are just do scholarship; isolation will be okay.
Mine are Clean Up the ****ing House; isolation will be okay.
I think there's a chance folks will rediscover the delights of the telephone.
For some reason I'm just a lot calmer now.
love y'all,
Hops
lighter:
Hops:
I'm so with you regarding cleaning up/out the house... I'm ready to fill the truck over and over and hit the GOODWILL. I have zero desire to have a garage sale.
Lighter
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