Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
lighter:
It certainly seems like M's feeling more comfortable, Hops.
I'm curious if it's easy to keep your food preferences in place.
Is it coming up, or just not an issue?
Also, what kind of music does M enjoy listening to?
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---He continues to be sweet, clearly open to happiness, high energy and delightful. I'm still trying to get my head around how much life change could be ahead if this continues.
I notice I'm retreating to the womb (bed, pooch, escapism) again but not panicking about it. So I overall am okay though T is wanting to dig into the things that may be contributing to my paralysis behavior. I need to be willing to do that.
--- End quote ---
uh.... Hops? Any chance you're just so close to those things that paralyze you, you're not seeing it? That the feelings are so refreshing intense and positive, that your normal thought processes are a bit discombobulated?
Re-read above... especially what I've bolded. Your words.
MOST people can be paralyzed when they're overwhelmed - either a seriously huge life change, or too many things that all seem equally important, all at one time, and no one to delegate decisions to. It sure happens to me, all the time!
(pick a day; I'll not do a blessed thing because I can't deal with so many things to prioritize! Then, I'll just see some LITTLE, I mean blessed tiny thing, wouldn't even make anyone else's list... that I "wanted" to do, to please or suit myself - sometimes just straightening a picture... and voila... the paralysis spell is broken.)
My advice for you (custom-designed):
For the time being - you only just met the guy - rank the priority of "future life changes" the very LAST thing on the importance list. You don't have to; it isn't a good idea; and I don't recommend... making a decision about something SO important, like that NOW. NOW, isn't the right time to get into the process of making that decision. The real important decisions CAN BE, SHOULD BE postponed until you are clear in your mind/feelings/understanding all the details involved.
NOW, you observe... you actually feel... and plan regular (like weekly) 10 min/20 min cocoon sessions to assess and take stock cognitively, and analyze what's going on with you. (So you don't short-change that side of yourself for attention and to properly observe any red flags she might be waving.) And let yourself get swept off your feet in the meantime...
because you can DO IT. Because you AREN'T going to let yourself fall... that's what those short, time-limited "check in with my feelings/better judgement" sessions are for, right? You still want what you want long term, but until you've experienced being IN a relationship - which this is not yet; you're just seeing each other, enjoying yourself and getting to know each other - you won't know enough about him, you and how you are together to decide if this is THE relationship you want to sign on to.
Maybe I'm way too careful (others would say paranoid) to the point that I'm not even able to get replies from anyone on any of those dating sites (oh sure, the young, young men... who don't know any better; I'm not the cougar type) SO... please add salt to taste regarding my advice and realize who it's coming from.
There is no obligation or expectation that the advice must be taken. LOL. Your money back! Exactly what you paid for MY "two cents worth" of opinion.
----------------- ETA-----
What I meant to say, before I got so carried away with being tickled silly pink for you...
is that only TIME and EXPERIENCE will tell, if you'll even be in a position to entertain the POSSIBILITY of wanting|needing|deciding about....... "life changes", with this guy.
lighter:
Hops?
How's it going?
Hopalong:
Hey Lighter, it goes very well. Happiness is coexisting along all SORTS of stuff that imminent intimacy brings to the surface. So at the moment happiness is part flow part hard work! I'm actually relieved he'll be in SF for a week after Tuesday.
Amber, I needed very much to hear that perspective. Thank you.
You are RIGHT; I need to slow it down to the present task...getting to know, new experiences/tests, find out more, check and recheck intuition and evidence. Not to be paranoid but I know I must.
Meanwhile, it IS feeling lovely. Kicking up a notch, feelings wise. Definitely reciprocal. He's heading for SF Tuesday for a week and his plan to move continues. A year plus a couple months out. Yes, I don't need to decide right now.
But, I am not far from dropping my guard and letting my heart go all in and take this risk. So that's that. I just need to face that loss is always possible, and meanwhile, I can still choose happiness and see what happens. If I'm disappointed, ultimately, I'll cope. It's all living/learning, etc.
It's waves of stuff. Waking up in my little house this morning and thinking...no more? Hard. But if I want what I want, there is no way around that my little-house life will change. That said, T this morning said just what you said. And advised me to re-focus on loving and enjoying and de-cluttering my little house, because regardless of what happens in future, that creates happiness and value for me in the now. It really does.
Meanwhile, he's inviting me for a week in Paris in July. After that he's off to lecture in Israel, visit Istanbul and return to Spain. So he'll be gone the rest of that month. I'll get my own ticket and he'll treat me to hotel and meals. Sounds like an offer it'll be tough to refuse! I am getting a new passport (plus new Euro "visa-not-visa") so I'll have the option if we both realize it's still a right move closer to then.
Good T session. I struggle NOT to talk about the paralysis behavior, clutter, etc. But I made myself hang in with it. Turns out the hiding in bed and not dealing with home in an adult way has to do with me abandoning myself, plus being defiant, plus being ADD. But she invited me to stop the shame spiral and just invite my inner adult to engage because that's self care, period. She's right.
After our appt pooch and I took a nice long walk downtown, visiting a friend for tea in the middle of the walk. She's loaning me a glam outfit for the formal thing I'm going to (M will be the "MC" in his tux). So that's a load off my mind. Still have to invest in some form of non-heel shoe that will get by.
And meanwhile, M is sending me lovestruck cute little emails. Dang. It's sweet!
My commitment for this afternoon is to get at least a START on the clothes purge in bedroom, and to sketch out a specific time-use plan for tomorrow morning, so I don't yield to the usual back-to-bed behavior.
xxoo
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Hops, may I suggest a ballet flat? in satin, velvet or suede? Maybe sequins? :D
OOOO, Paris!
Be happy Hops.
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