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Relationship/s

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Hopalong:
Whoo. Just went back to read the article you posted, CB.
No WONDER M and I struggle/d so hard!
He's always said he interrupts because he's enthusiastic and engaged (might be cultural), and I always felt disrespected and dominated. And at times I was.

And we BOTH obviously have ADD (with an H for him I think)...so:

"....It can also be common among people with ADHD or other neurodivergences."

And I'm the person who had to train herself not to interrupt in work meetings by writing NB at the base of my thumb as a reminder ("No Blurting"). Oy.

I'm glad I read that. I don't think M and I could ever find a balance since it's intense on both sides -- his desperation to talk and interrupt, mine to be heard and not cut off (in part also due to ADD, because when he does it over and over--"overlapping" I guess--I completely lose my train of thought and it's so difficult to get a thought all the way out that I just give up communicating).

But now that our relationship is different, I am more content with mostly listening to him because I have nothing big at stake if he doesn't listen to me enough to understand. I have less invested in being understood by him. I can feel affection and enjoy some time with him, without hoping for more.

So so so complicated, we is. Thanks for the article, CB.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
I recognized Hol & I in that definition of communication style, too. I'm like Hops, in that I often completely lose my idea, what I wanted to say - while Hol's insisting on talking over me. But I CAN reverse the process; been practicing for a long time... and I've found she really doesn't like it when she's on the receiving end. :D

Even if I ask: please just listen & let me talk before you feedback... she can't. LOLOLOLOLOL.

I talk very slowly - because I'm thinking/feeling simultaneously and having to make it coherent & verbally meaningful - all at the same time. In conversation there's no chance for me to pre- prepare my "statement" - LOL - because I'm actually listening and paying attention; concentrating -- not talking to myself while someone else is talking.

Hence why I'm so much more comfortable with a keyboard to express myself! ;)

Hopalong:
Me too, Amber....that's a near-exact description of how it works for me.
Except I sometimes talk rapidly, big rush of narrative and detail.

Which no doubt makes listening to me a challenge!

I've been working on slowing it all down (the "calm" part).
I think intentionally slowing my speech would be a good experiment.

hugs
Hops

lighter:
I never read Chapman's book,
The 5 Languages of Love, but I'm Googling them now.

Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service

Lots of ways to get wires crossed and misunderstand, ime.

Lighter



Lighter

Hopalong:
No kiddin', Lighter.
How could anyone get straight As in all those?

Although sometimes it's wise, I find that more often than not, pop-psychology books with new "systems" for analysing oneself or others fall fairly flat for me.

Not so the DSM description of NPD, which I found uncanny the first time I read it. How DID they meet my mother? Husband/lover/boyfriend/boss.........all those living magnets for me.

That said, I do like thinking about those categories of expressing love. It's not the door but certainly a helpful window. I wonder if we could apply them to loving ourselves, too?

hugs
Hops

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