Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
sKePTiKal:
I kinda like the suggestions for "love language" as a starting point for thinking about such things and appreciation for how we're all different. As long as someone doesn't turn them into criteria - must haves - or performance measurements.
B is excellent at proactively taking care of equipment, things around the house & farm, making things. I make him food, help with his health issues, and give him a lot of positive feedback - arguing him out of some of his negative self-talk (brought on by the same kind of low vibe relationships I've had). He boosts & encourages me too.
Sounds titillatingly romantic, right? the swooning Jamie Fraser stuff? (or Murtagh, IMO) But the stereotypical romance stuff loses it's shine over time - and it's precisely this kind of language that is the meaningful meat & potatoes of a relationship. That endures.
I guess I'm using food metaphors because of an old Amish saying: "Kissin' don't last; cookin do".
Hopalong:
(I better learn how to cook....) LOL
I'm randoming sharing stuff, let me know if quotes get irritating, but I enjoyed this one. A guy named Robert in Atlanta made this comment on an amazing essay about heroic female resistance fighters in Poland during WWII:
Don’t know about you, but the toughest people I know are tough women, not tough men.
Most men are snowflakes pretending to be tough.
Most women are armored and pretending to be soft and stupid.
Women, like other oppressed people also learn young about masks and disguise.
All makes sense.
Anonymous charity and heroism has a special place in the rule book of life. True heroes are rarely known.
I'd like to find a Robert, but more realistically, I'm looking for Mr. Rogers. (Different kind of hero....)
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
Nodding, Hopsie, and I've always thought there's something heroic about getting dinner on the table every night, making a cup of tea for someone just because you know they'd like it, sitting up with a pet through the night when they're poorly, you know? So many ordinary things that people do that have a big impact on someone else. I like that. And yes to tough women, and I do want to see a time when men being kind, sensitive and gentle isn't met with derision in some quarters. You know what I mean. So many silly societal ideals, who came up with all this stuff??! Lol xx
sKePTiKal:
Well - man or woman - I think as we grow into complete selves we actually become both. Tough women who will keep rocking the colicky babe all night - work right alongside her man during the day - and keep a vase of flowers, wild or otherwise - to look at. Sometimes, we're more one side than the other - but that keeps things interesting, IMO.
I build stuff too; dig; have learned to use equipment... and am finally up to 4-6 hrs of "work" a day, before exhaustion kicks in. I can swing a 20 lb sledgehammer effectively. And dinner? That's why I have two crockpots.
:D
Hopalong:
I remember when the Sikh would start opining a little about the nature of men and the nature of women and I was so averse to stereotyping that I'd squirm. But I valued him so much that I let it go. I knew he meant it in a profound and not diminishing way.
I've figured out who my ideal man is now: a CROSS between Mr. Rogers and Carl Reiner.
Drawing on public figures is helpful since nobody knows other people in common.
I'm looking forward to re-writing my online dating profile! I'm actually going to say it. So if somebody's deeply kind and humanitarian and also very intelligent and funny...hope I'll find him. It's just amazing how many humorless people think they're hilarious. (I sound like an old crank, get off my lawn!)
hugs
Hops
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