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Relationship/s

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Twoapenny:
Sorry for my clumsy wording, I didn't mean it to sound like I don't think anyone with money can possibly be a nice person xx

lighter:
I thought you said it well, Tupp.

sKePTiKal:
Tupp, I worried about my words too. I KNOW I'm very guarded in that setting and have a chip on my shoulder.

Hopalong:
Lighter, I loved this:

--- Quote ---Because you used to hand out forks to zombies
--- End quote ---

And your whole post really helped me. It's funny how you can write and describe in such vividly vague ways, yet after I read your advice I see that what it really was, was grounding.

Also LOVED: Alpha gorilla man, WINNER man, vs a man who sees behind the curtain, or is at least motivated to. I don't mind a powerful older man who's spent his life in Alpha mode, jolly good for him. But only if he's reached his golden years and is still awake enough to poke his head up, sniff around and say to himself, is there a perspective missing? What have I NOT been thinking about (say, half the world)? Those un-thought subjects don't apply to Amber or you, imo. Like women's lives, male entitlement (oooo to meet a man who is INTERESTED in that self-examination; those who do are so much more creative and exciting to be with).

Amber, I really got what you meant about how you FELT around Buck (and he around you) from the get-go. You are spot on. My T observed yesterday that I am so overactive in my thinking that I neglect to tune into what's happening in my chest and solar plexus. You're both absolutely right. But happily, it came up with T in the context of recent decisions and speakings-up and boundaries-setting with M (and now with C). She heard me describe doing/saying things that just owned and spoke how I actually feel. Not editing it to be certain they wouldn't be shocked.

Tupp, my arse-kicking friend, I'll just mentally take you along.
And you are describing the absolute core of what I habitually neglect when I meet some smart man and we instantly launch into really clacking banter that pleases us to do:

--- Quote ---seeing how you feel - do you feel good or does he make you feel anxious, restless, hurried etc - consciously or not
--- End quote ---

That's exactly it. And I can say I already spot that he's moving too fast for me -- too many pix sent. Too many requests for another phone call. It's not hugely oppressive but it's out of sync with the slow, centered way I want to proceed. So I keep my foot on the brake, tell him No, and just ignore random "pings" from silly emails. I am just too old to be enchanted by texting or funny emails, or I'm too set in my own ways. I just find them intrusive interruptions. Leave me relatively alone until we've met, fella! I'm not going to bond with you BEFORE we do.

Hmmm, more nicely, I need to explain just that to him honestly. That I resist a lot of calls or correspondence until I have actually met the person, in person. Not trying to be unfriendly and I DO look forward to meeting him. But the way I'm constructed, I just don't "meet" people (except for y'all HERE!) online or by phone. For me, I know it's a good safeguard re. men. Another phone call this afternoon, ostensibly to firm up plans for his visit later next month. So I'm going to tell him that thing about me then. Whew. I think he'll understand but if not, as Light says, that's information.

THANK YOU! Thank you all of you!

hugs
Hops

lighter:
Hops:

I've had really odd texting situations with a man who turned out to be so immature, so lacking in confidence that we could not hold a conversation in person AFTER he viewed me as potential mate material. 

And the texting.... was like a teenaged girl texting.  Such a plethora of never ending questions, silly statements and NNNNNEEEEEED to engage constantly. I was exasperated and overwhelmed and rocked back on my heels trying to answer some of the questions... some so person they were shocking TO ME. 

Today I'd just say I don't text much, we're not heading anyplace beyond being wood chopping friends and lock him out of all personal space... hand in his face when he overstepped...... nothing to get upset here handling of his intense teenaged child behaviors.

No judgement, just not for me.

This C guy sounds very focused on HIMSELF, how you make him feel, what you bring to his image, IMO.... perhaps?  Sound right? 

Your focus should be on you,, how you feel, what HE brings to the table with regard to what Hops wants, desires to feel, is looking for, kwim?

I'll say it till it seems right to stop... all of the above and more.

You're in charge of who you spend time with and gift your attention to. 

You're not an apple to be picked from a tree; )  Right, Tupp?

Lighter

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