Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
sKePTiKal:
Oh Hops. Hugs.
You're right; I think, about not very many women making those kinds of preferences clearly known. He could be interpreting that as the opening gambit of a chase game - catch me if you can. Seeing it as a challenge he might be programmed to overcome it, ya know? Not seeing as what it was - your way of keeping things in your comfort zone, according to your rules - could just be inexperience with that approach.
Betcha a nice bourbon, that's what it is.
It could also be he's not used to hearing "no" ever. Caution is prudent, whatever it is, I think. Simple trick we used to use to get out of meetings we knew were going to be tediously, mind & butt-numbingly dull:
An hour or 90 minutes in, pre-arrange for a friend to text you. Excuse yourself to check the phone. Upon return, just say something you must deal with has come up and it's time to call it an evening. He probably knows that trick but it's a non-confrontational way out of a situation if it's getting uncomfortable. Otherwise, if everything's lovely, just say it was important but can wait.
Hopalong:
Thanks, ((((Amber)))), I needed some input!
You might be right. The old pursue-until-you-win caveman, klonk-it-on-head-until-it-stops-resisting behavior. M did it verbally; exhausting. I could understand it from C's life context, especially from his aggressive-lawyer-millionaire-advisingCongress kind of past. Bully for him. May be naive to expect that in a 70ish former prosecutor, I'd find the mellow mellenial-feminist-inside-a-70ish y/o I actually need!
Hah. And HAH.
I'll enjoy dinner anyway, I imagine. If continuing is for me a No Thank You, just hope he'll accept it pronto. (I can learn to block numbers if I have to.)
I don't need the texting ruse to leave if I gotta leave. If he needs a cab, he can afford one. I AM JOHANNA! (If you didn't watch that video I posted, pleeez do...!)
hugs
HOps
lighter:
I hope you can keep an open mind and remain emotionally distanced from the date, Hops.
Whether this guy is used to speaking, not texting and e mailing.....
whether he's excited and unable to grasp a potential date/mate ISN'T as excited as he is.....
whether he's been raised to be deaf to a woman's thoughts, preferences and needs......
is up in the air.
It will be what it is and you don't have to have a terrible evening whatever the case is. It's just a short while. You may excuse yourself at any time, sans excuses. You'll be in public, ordering good food....... just release expectation and get curious as you can, is my advice.
::fingers crossed you at least like the guy::.
Lighter
Hopalong:
It was pleasant.
I had fun.
Talk was lively and interesting.
He was a Ecuadoran who looks Irish, quite a family story (Dad was dying of TB in Ecuador and mother, fearing for how to feed her kids, said her farewell and went to NYC where his aunts were to sponsor her) etc. She plugged him into a Catholic school and went to work in a clothing factory. Tremendous drive. He delivered papers and made it through various state schools to law school...eventually a Big Cheese. Interesting life path, for sure (with the weird echoes to M's I expected, but fortunately not quite the same).
I found him kind of sweet in person. Still not sure I want a suitor but if I still want to in the morning, I said I might take him to a winery. (He'd already added another evening to his itinerary but I'm not committing to that--he didn't ask.)
Pretty sure we can enjoy a few more hours' talk while the weather's good and we can be outside. Anything more complicated (like me heading to DC soon) I'm probably not in the mood for.
No damage, no terror. Just a light evening and mostly good vibes. I did assert myself several times in no faint terms. Him: I'm going to send you a chapter of my memoir....(like so many people I meet who know I edit). Me: I will not be your editor, ever. Him: Not even for money? Me: I hated my career writing/editing for other people's agendas. I took my talent back and will not use it that way again.
Sigh. I noted the phrasing: "I'm going to send you...." rather than "May I send you....". Sheesh. A lot of people believe that anyone who can write/edit wants to put energy into their personal project -- it's like the doctor at the cocktail party who gets asked for medical advice. Same thing; I don't take it personally. Saying no just feels great.
All survived. Maybe we'll be friends of a sort. Dunno, not worried about it. Whew.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Glad the first glimpse into what he's really like was pleasant and painless Hops. Negotiations seem to have gone well.
;)
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