Author Topic: Relationship/s  (Read 154908 times)

Twoapenny

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #870 on: September 29, 2021, 09:39:11 AM »
Well I'm liking the sound of these various dates, Hopsie!  They all sound a bit more suitable than M, whether for coffee, friendship or some more.  I'm glad they're at least nice conversations and you're not having to batter anyone off with a broom handle or anything :) I like that Marathon Man mentioned your sparkly eyes.  I now have visions of you arriving for your date with your eyelashes enlarged and bejewelled, like Miss Piggy ;)  Lol.  I hope they all continue to give you nice social opportunities and get that network in place before winter sets in xx

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #871 on: September 29, 2021, 09:40:26 AM »
Haha... I think I'd be sorely tempted to fantasize about the Scot too. In that way, I'm pretty sure Outlander has ruined a lot of women for the reality of stubborn, hard-headed Scottish men. I don't think there's any cure either. Let me know if ya find one!
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lighter

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #872 on: September 29, 2021, 09:44:08 AM »
Good morning, Hops.

In this house, we call funny men "giggle boys. "

We like giggle boys.


Will pooch tag along for coffee?  Do you walk to the shops?

Lighter




Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #873 on: September 29, 2021, 10:58:54 AM »
Pooch definitely. She's a demanding screener. (Demands pats. It's a low bar.)

I walk partway. Too out of shape for the full walk, to my shame. I park a block or two away and zig through the park to make sure Pooch is empty before we hit the pedestrian Mall. It's lovely.

Thanks for the good luck wishes, y'all. Tupp, you're right. It is a feeling of gathering a network before winter.

I might be less afraid to have someone over even indoors if I knew them well enough to trust their vax status, masking practice, etc. (Having just gotten my booster or 3rd shot, I'm feeling a bit less anxious myself.)

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #874 on: September 29, 2021, 02:03:46 PM »
Lol....demanding screener. 

Demands pets. 

But seriously, would it impact your perception of coffee mate if pooch didn't like the the guy?

Our pug is the same, EXCEPT for this one female neighbor.  All these years....always the same.  Never warms up.

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #875 on: September 29, 2021, 05:51:08 PM »
Probably but not religiously.
She nipped at the ankles of a long-term generous female friend once, early on.

That friend isn't a particularly sensitive person and has some kinds of thinking (think traditional + Southern) that I'm not too fond of. But she is also loyal, reliable and does a lot of good.

Dunno what Pooch picked up on but in one of a good handful of female friends, it didn't shake me. If she reacted that way to a male, however, I'd have to give it serious pause.

She really liked the Scotsman. I enjoyed him too but about fell over when he told me he was a medievalist. !!!!! Are they proliferating?? Fortunately, he was much less freaky that M had been on a first date (really not at all so), and spent most of his career (and still consults) in nonprofits. Doing good, iow. We had a nice time and will do lunch soon. He asked a few questions about me and seemed open. Still twinging from losing his wife I'm sure. We got along and there it is. Nothing more and nothing less.

Present moment, good! Afterward, walked down to see my galpal in her condo and hung out on her ridiculously huge corner terrace and yakked a lot, and Pooch was angelic. We walked the long way both ways and I feel great about it. Anxiety gone.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #876 on: September 29, 2021, 06:52:17 PM »
Medievalist as in.... art and cultural enthusiast of that period, Or....
 LARPing the battle of Flodden?  I'm hoping he wears a kilt and runs around waving wooden swords SO HARD.

::Happy happy happy you had a good day!::.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #877 on: September 29, 2021, 07:45:38 PM »
PhD from and later on professor at Hahvahd. (Earlier degrees from a Scottish university.) It's just his academic field. Not the same sub-specialization area as M, thank gawd. He gradually worked into nonprofits, held key positions in a major national philanthropic foundation and became arts commissioner for a major city. He developed an early program on climate change in the mid-80s (!) and focuses now on a program he developed for creative arts that's still going strong. His mind seems very sharp and so far his personality seems open and honest. Jury's out.

I like it that he was the first university grad in a working-class family and THEN wound up in big-deal circles, rather than moving straight into all that from a priviliged upper-crust upbringing. He's very intelligent and not a snob. Anyhow, it was a nice lunch and I enjoyed meeting him. No more no less, and no kilts! Pooch felt very comfortable with him.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #878 on: September 29, 2021, 08:12:15 PM »
So no LARPing?🥺
JK, though ...
if there were kilts,
he'd be as interesting as our Hopsy.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #879 on: September 29, 2021, 10:09:27 PM »
Hafta admit I dunno what larping is OR anything about the battle of Flodden...

Ignoramously,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #880 on: September 30, 2021, 08:12:01 AM »
I think Lighter meant Cullodden, Hops.
I'll let her explain LARPing; it's some kind of dress-up or role play thing. (I don't get out much, LOL).
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lighter

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #881 on: September 30, 2021, 09:17:27 AM »
LARPING is Live Action Role Playing and I was pictuing men running around on a field of imagined battle.

 Some in Kilts. 

The reality is the opposite of LARPing.

Lighter




Hopalong

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #882 on: September 30, 2021, 09:11:12 PM »
My British poet friend was very helpful when she called today and I told her about the Scot.

Scottish men, like quite a few English men too, she said (half her family's Scottish) tend to be careful and guarded at first, and not romantic and feets-off-sweeping or that sort of thing. They take their time but once they DO decide about you (if it's a Yes) then they are the kind of friend/whatever you can count on forever. Or something like that.

It made a lot of sense. And I liked hearing this.

So far, we (me and Scot) both acknowledged we really enjoyed our meet and that he'd get in touch when ready (I offered that). So he feels no pressure and I'm leading with patience because There Is No Rush. No floods of verbiage. Good!

I'm just really pleased I met him. Hope he's motivated and/or ready enough to continue seeing me, but I could also tell that he is still deeply rocked by the loss of his wife whom he loved and shared his life with for 45 years. Must've been awful. They were here visiting his son, happy tourists, and she fell to a sudden aneurism. Boom. Gone. He just said "it was awful" and that it had taken him many months to even feel "in compos mentis" again. My heart went out to him. He had almost never lived alone so he's been through fire in the last several years.

And tomorrow I meet yet a different man. Likewise light approach and friendly, I think. And this is good.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Phyll

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #883 on: September 30, 2021, 11:06:24 PM »
You all are too funny!  I do not know what larping, culloden, or the battle of Flodden mean.  I am enjoying hearing about your dates Hops.  I admire your courage and discernment in this dating process.  It sounds hopeful and fun.  I would definitely let the pooch weigh in... 

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relationship/s
« Reply #884 on: October 01, 2021, 09:11:06 AM »
Hops, I'll just say this about your Scot friend... 5 years post-Mike, there are still residual echoes of the old stuff. It's not debilitating; I do have to fight to maintain the space to continue letting it go (thanks Hol; stuffing my life full of "new" never worked before, why should it work now?) And I notice all kinds of tiny things coming up - still - interacting with B that require the unstructured, unfilled time to just "feel" my way through.

Maybe just feeling my way through to what is "me"... ya know? Because though no doubt your friend's experience & mine are different, I never lived alone before Mike died either. I was always "combined" in a relationship, making those compromises, etc that one does in relationship. I don't think I'm all that solid in "who I am" yet... but I am getting there.

So, give this new guy his time & space to deal with those things, his way. I like your new dating strategy overall. I think it's perfectly tailored to what your real needs are. It honors your strength & independence & curiosity about the world & people. Happy "shopping"!  ;)
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.