Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
sKePTiKal:
I guess you and I live in the opposite sides of that spectrum Hops. I'm still doing a lot of work on realizing my emotions - the simple joyful ones especially - and I have a suspicion that I was pushed/trained to being so Spock-like and pragmatic as an antidote to my own fanciful imagination. But intensity exists all across that spectrum - I've felt it.
For me, "balance" is not letting either extreme hog the spotlight. Coz I'm a total basket case if I get intensely emotional or some kind of logical "monster" if I cease feeling and therefore revisit a thousand intense places I'd much rather disappear in the black hole of an aging brain's memory lapses.
I can keep the lessons of those experiences; I can name them and catalog them. I don't need to keep the visceral stuff anymore - not even for creativity.
Hopalong:
Thanks, both of you, for your as-ever penetrating insights.
Lighter, you're right, except that he's on the state registry (though he may also be visible on the usual neighborhood ones). I'm not worried and for once feel no ambivalence about having set a clear boundary. I don't feel upset about it in fact (except for what he participated in, which is unspeakable). Otherwise, only on my own behalf, I feel glad, because my reaction was preemptive enough and swift enough that I can truthfully say that I smelled the coffee before it cooled.
Even Hops can make progress! (I do imagine he fears being "outed" but I don't feel any urge to do that. In a group of smart older people, he can decide what he will do.)
Amber, you understand yourself so remarkably well. I almost envy your ability to leave visceral stuff behind. I couldn't be my particular kind of writer if I did, but I CAN continue to work at not letting that pipeline-to-the-heart waylay me in my non-writing or relationship life. I'm proud of this latest step; it tells me I have learned a lot in recent years and I'm beginning to apply it with less hesitation. As with the Scot, though that was jerkier.
Boundaries. Self care. Awareness. Such basic stuff but so good to discover.
Whew, and whew. A complicated story of progress, but I think that's what it is. Two steps forward + one step back and I'm finally doing the math.
hugs,
Hops
lighter:
Boundaries will keep us safe, Hops.
You're surfing real good, IMO.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Yup. Got a reply, which was interesting [analyses in brackets]. BTW, there is not and never will be future correspondence. I just like analysing the communication.
I understand.
At least you were interested in me enough to look me up online. [Me me me. Hmm, why would a woman feel she NEEDS to look up a man online?]
I have long dealt with my shame. [Errrr, bravo?]
People who know me and my offense know I am a good person
who made a terrrible error in judgement and is paying a huge price. [Mebbe so. You are now kind and doing good deeds. Pay on, it wasn't "huge" at all, imo.]
What was missing? ANY mention of the unspeakable price paid by child victims of the activity he engaged in. None. The children must've been incidental. If they're alive, not crazy, not addicts, not on the streets or in jail because of the damage.
Anyway, he's still "good." To me, he sounds unattuned to moral nuance and he led with self-pity. Total, complete and final turnoff.
Valuable learning experience for me. In that situation, I felt proud of myself. I did hold back. I stopped fantasizing EARLY. I checked out reality. I acted on it immediately.
I love clarity. I know that analysing language for everything I can squeeze out of it is a survival skill for me. If I am alert and well-boundaried, I'm going to hear what's real. And now I know I can react. I HAVE learned.
This is different.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
This is different, Hops and you're growing through the lessons.
It's a good thing.
Lighter
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