Relationship/s

[Hopalong]

Well whaddayouknow.

I just had a second date with a sweet man. S.

It was a nice experience.
He's divorced, my age, my economic peer, has a young child (11) because he married someone 20 years younger. Lives so close to the ex his D can walk over. Pooch liked him.

I see differences, loads. But he's a good person: kind reflexes, listens. Attractive and crazy into fitness, so that's a challenge for my insecurities. We had a nice relaxed time. Dinner at his place. I since we first met (two-hour lunch) have said EXACTLY what I'm thinking as I feel like it. He likes me. I like him too. We're very different. But there are qualities there I like: solid kind of country childhood. Adored his mother (good sign!). Maybe some neediness on his part that surprisingly might be a match for my own.

Who knows. Doesn't matter. Not fantasizing too much yet. (Yay, me.) I'm pleased I forced myself out the door to give it a try. Got lost and was a half-hour late. He said "I fall in love fast" and I made clear that my foot is on the brake, hard. We're going to see if we'd like to be friends (first if not forever) and have a plan to go to a favorite overlook soon.

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

I forgot the part that's the most fun to tell:

1) Given the ADD, I have a terrible time getting out the door in time. Transitions fry the brain and my time management sucks. I know this, but it is like hand-digging a building foundation to change it. Fortunately, it sometimes gives good stories.

2) Called him re. running late; he's totally sweet and forgiving about it. Meanwhile, he's also invited Pooch so I let her pee and rush her into the car and hop on the interstate. She hates interstates so often trembles and complains at high speeds. I get absorbed in NPR. Halfway there, I realize she's just taken a dump on the passenger seat, so the car fills with poo aroma! (Me too, presumably). I had a little quilt on the seat to diminish dog hair for human passengers and while reassuring her (not her fault, I neglected to walk her long enough since I was late) that she's a GOOD GIRL. I swipe the quilt and some of the turds onto the floor at 65 mph. Not all make it. She next leaps into my lap and so leaves schmears on the center console and my pants. First impressions, right?

3) My cell phone is dead because of a SIM card problem I didn't attend to as I vaguely ADD-thought I would during the day. So I can't GPS. He lives in a dense development near the mountains that's 10x more massive than I realized and lacking in street signs (from Google maps, I'd figured oh that's easy, go around the roundabout and take a turn or two and I'll run into it). So I'm late and then get ridiculously lost.

4) I find the only center-square restaurant open on Sundays and 4 strangers get on their cell phones to help me find where it is, but I've been one syllable off on the street name. I tell them his name and a nice couple (with two cute kids) get on it. Later while I'm wandering through a parking lot in the wrong direction they pull up and go Nooo, follow us, you're nearly RIGHT THERE! Sure enough, they found it. Is that lovely kindness or what????

5) When I get out of the car the wine I brought him slips out of the bag and I scramble to find it while yakking a mile a minute to divert him from the poo-cloud.

After all that, we had a really nice evening. Now it's time to go out and Face the Pooch Poo. Couldn't bear doing it in the dark last night so left it to ripen.

hugs
Hops

[Phyll]

That is a great story Hops!  One I certainly can relate to with my ADD!  Those people helping you, that is wonderful. He sounds like a nice man. Have fun and enjoy!

[Hopalong]

Thanks, (((Phyll))).

I hope to just have fun too.
But he's got to slow it down or I'll exit.

Whew. He's still nice but I doubt we'll
become more than friends. Meanwhile,
nice to have a new one.

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

This man still teaches me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efHo3nyBZns

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Feeling really good about something.
The nice man I met online with whom I've had two very pleasant dates...I just ended it very kindly while expressing sincere gratitude (over email).

The elementary thing was, we really don't have much in common. So despite his niceness, which is real, I managed to think ahead and just see, clear as day, how frustrating it would be to try to forge something (just out of mutual loneliness).

He responded SO nicely that it confirmed my sense of him, and also said he actually agrees with me. He even added "political differences" as a likely bridge too far. (I didn't remember discussing that but he probably noted my license plate. LOL!) And he left me with compliments ("beautiful" and "highly intelligent") which will keep my old ego purring for weeks. I said genuine and kind things about him too.

What felt good was trusting my intuition (wasn't looking forward to our next outing) and also realizing -- this is the right thing, for us both! Respecting both our time and energy enough to spare us a futile effort to fit.

This ole dog figgered out how to do a new trick. So then I went and wrote friendly messages to three new geezers. All in all, a good experience! Very good. Glad I met him, glad I felt good about saying farewell. And neither of us hurt or diminished.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Really good trick to learn, Hops.  I'm so glad to hear you're trusting and honoring your intuition. 

[Hopalong]

I was way too smug and self-congratulatory in my post about it. Gross. It was just a big relief.  I'd like to feel proud of myself without wallowing in self-praise, though.

Meanwhile, had a friendly chat with a nice guy who lives 4 hours away. I'm allergic to cats and he wouldn't "abandon" his for a relationship (I'd never dream of asking anyone to!). I told him if my cat allergy didn't defeat us the distance would and he agreed, but said it's "a shame." Kind of nice to enjoy a little chat without a goal, so I invited him to get in touch for a coffee if he comes through this way. That was it but it felt nice. Low key.

Very little traffic on the website now that I'm nearly 72 (older men are happy with and feel privileged to pursue younger women, I just would like to meet someone within a 5-year range either way). But meanwhile, there's nothing to stop me joining the very fancy new Senior Center and taking a few classes there and meeting some folks. I should and pretty soon, I will. Just been lazy about it.

Love's not much on my mind, as much as loneliness. Spring and summer aren't bad though. Fall/Winter are when I go into alone-forever-grief-fear mode. Not now.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hmmmph.

Hops, you're setting the bar awfully high for yourself aren't you? I mean, how can you pat yourself on the back for a "job well done", if you DON'T congratulate yourself and maybe feel a bit proud or smug that you've achieved a new level of dealing with things? That's all part of the experience, isn't it? Enjoy the glow for a bit!!

But, if you're still bragging about this moment - as the "high point" of your relationship management style - in 6 years (or 6 months) THEN you may whack yourself with the 2x4 of self-criticism.

BTW, even in this situation the rule of thumb that it takes two to tango, still applies. It mighta gone very differently with another sort of "gennulman".

[lighter]

Ya....not smug....just mindfully celebrating new skills making life better.

It's something to feel good about😉

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Awww, y'aaaaaaaaall.

Thank you. A lot.

I'll burn that 2x4 in my firepit because....Never Ever Again!

Much thanks and grateful hugs,
Hops

[lighter]

How' ya doing today, Hops?  Any plans?
Lighter

[Hopalong]

I do have a plan, Lighter, and it fits a Relationship/s thread for sure.

Tomorrow there's a rescue dogs transport. I'd signed up to foster and have been thinking about it...so I jumped, and am picking up a female 5 y/o (barely "senior" but she qualifies) pooch at the local SPCA. She's just six pounds, which is perfect for my bad back and my assessment of what sort of dog is good for aging with.

Fingers crossed Pooch won't want to kill her (dunno) but if we can make it through the transition and they bond and it's workable, I'd love to keep her as my (sounds terrible) "overlap" dog. Pooch is 12 and slowing down, and hopefully she might love to have a companion to cuddle with in her own old age. When That Day comes for Pooch, I'd already be well settled with a little Newpooch.

All fantasy because there can be lots of issues. Her pic is adorable but she looks skinny and scared. From a kill shelter somewhere in the south (probably TX). We'll see how it goes, and I'm helping her transition to a forever home whether or not I'm the long-term one (or Pooch is). And it gets me recorded as an active foster, so if not this little one, perhaps a future one.

Will keep you posted! Thanks for checking and sorry to be so late to reply!

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

That update gave me goosebumps, Hops.  So nice of you to foster....and also pragmatic.

You go get that scared doggy and help her fEel safe.  I hope it goes well😊

[Hopalong]

So. Absolutely tiny 6-lb little newdog discovers Pooch's very comfy chenille on the foot of my bed and decides that's a good spot. Rather than going Cujo, justifiably, Pooch just gives me a little side-eye and decamps for one of her other beds. Hilarious! Peaceful!

The poor little newdog is absolutely HUNGRY. I can see and feel every rib and her spine is one long line of no-muscle. So very sad. (I'm guessing she should wind up at about 10 lbs.) But she's really sweet and has warmed up in her trusting amazingly over the last 4 hours. I've got to re-feed her very small amounts 4x/day.

I was most anxious about Pooch who has been positively hostessy with the mostessy, compared to what I was worrying about. I'm amazed. I reared a prima donna and she's become a saint!

I'm just feeling good inside. Think I needed an additional being to love and here she is. So far so good.

hugs
Hops