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Meandering
Hopalong:
G,
You've put a lot of thought and also more free expression in your recent posts. I think a wonderful aid to your therapy, if you decide to go for it, would be to print out all you can and provide it to your new T (ideally after you book the appointment and before your first visit...so they can get some understanding of things you wrestle with and also energy and personality).
Just an idea.
Bravo, you.
Hugs
Hops
Meh:
Heyo Lighter, the therapist you found sounds great. Now I have to read about PAT haha. (smile) the Top does have it's limits, it's only one tool I guess.
Thanks Hops.
A therapist might be helpful maybe at some point I will.
Meh:
Pretty much at the end of the book except a few sections skipped over. For all the complaining maybe it's really just frustration. I think the book reminded me that I am not truly individuated. The book WAS worth reading if just for this fact.
Also when I read sometimes it does activate my imagination in some way. Maybe it's silly new age imagination nonsense, what role does my imagination play, either self deception or some important message. I think yesterday I did get an important message/reminder from myself I guess.
Meh:
I can write a lot, think a lot but if I even consider going to a therapist (I looked up a list in my area today) I kind of draw a blank of what I would even say to them. The thought of going to a therapist is also a little embarrassing. I sort of feel like I am living with myself but I don't have one specific issue that is causing me unbearable stress or pain that I would talk to a therapist about. It would be a very long session if the therapist asked me why I was there and I said "I don't know".
I know it sounds absurd. I guess I could talk about my mother. I think I am coming to terms with her I hope, slowly. Oddly she hasn't contacted me for a while probably because she has family visiting her. Or maybe the universe is conspiring in my favor for the moment.
I will be open minded to it if I find a therapist here that I want to see I guess.
So I have a hard time knowing what I can fully say this (whatever issue) is 100 from FOO problems. I don't know how much of me is just my personality or something else. Am I just like naturally more dull with age. Like do I just have a loner tired personality or something. LOL is tired a personality type- I don't think so.
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---I can write a lot, think a lot but if I even consider going to a therapist (I looked up a list in my area today) I kind of draw a blank of what I would even say to them. The thought of going to a therapist is also a little embarrassing. I sort of feel like I am living with myself but I don't have one specific issue that is causing me unbearable stress or pain that I would talk to a therapist about. It would be a very long session if the therapist asked me why I was there and I said "I don't know".
--- End quote ---
I don't think this is weird at all, G, and I KNOW that good Ts are not thrown by the awkwardness of early sessions. For many intelligent, cerebral people who tend to live in their heads and find it hard to express emotion verbally, it's a very common way of thinking about therapy.
Truthfully, that's exactly why I think printed-out selections of your posts would help things start. If a T reads these (even during your session), they will find it a lot easier to ask a couple "starter" questions. They are there to help you. So helping navigate the "stuckness" of not knowing how to begin is part of a good T's response.
You may be critical of your own personality but good Ts know to respond to an individual's personality without judgment, just openness and curiosity. I don't know what you'd find near you, but I've been very helped by a newish wrinkle on talk therapy called AEDP. Here are some videos:
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=AEDP
And the book is "It's Not Always Depression."
https://smile.amazon.com/Its-Not-Always-Depression-Authentic-ebook/dp/B0725F8MQY/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=it%27s+not+always+depression&qid=1563887247&s=gateway&sr=8-1
Hope it helps...
hugs
Hops
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