Heyo Lighter, the therapist you found sounds great. Now I have to read about PAT haha. (smile) the Top does have it's limits, it's only one tool I guess.
A therapist might be helpful maybe at some point I will.
Garbonzo:
Yes, there are many different resources we may avail ourselves to. The TOP, or higher thinking is a great too, but we don't always have access, do we?
Sometimes the stress is so high I NEED to push on walls, walk in cross crawl reverse circles but DO DO DO, bc the energy my body is shooting up through my chest, and out through my limbs... that energy is there to save me, fight, flee, get me through a life or death situation that's no longer happening to me. Thinking about it fools my body into believing it's real, hence, the chemical dump.
When the amygdala's activated, our access to higher thinking shuts down in less than a second, before we notice it, and our biology's been hijacked. There's no thinking our way out of that, though we try and try. At least I do.
The past is just a story, and yes... there's lots of true facts AROUND many of our stories, but it's still just a story, and it's not real NOW.
The past is gone, and what's left is our response and our interpretation of events. Our impressions. If we can shift into being nonjudgmentally present in THIS moment, we can see what's underneath, take it out, and observe it.
The stress is the bodies way of telling us.... we have unfinished business... lets finish this up, and file it.
It takes a good deal of bravery to face the emotions behind the trauma, but if we can calm our mid brains down, unhook the alarm bells of lower brain, we have a chance to build new associations. Most of the time we're doing our best, in the past, and there are good reasons for everything we do. We can see reasons why everyone did what they've done, if we really pay attention.
What is it you want more of, Boat?
Your T will ask you questions like....
What's going on for you today? Right now? Inside your chest? How do you feel? Where do you feelt that in your body?
You'll respond with exactly what comes to mind.... you feel tight, or sad, or you're holding your breath, or you have a knot in your stomach/back/shoulder etc. You just say what's honestly coming up for you, without censoring it, and you're honest in that room without fail, bc you want things to change.
What do you want to change, exactly? Without censoring it? What do you want less of? More of? You can write all this down, for yourself, a future possible T, or friend you feel safe sharing with.
When you think of something distressing, what EXACTLY about that distresses you? I find the more basic adjectives describe my distress.... the physical sensations, appearance, and often the suffering of others comes up for me, as it did today, bc dd17 had her wisdom teeth out yesterday. That was the jumping off point for a very helpful session with T today.
I find I respond well to tapping, as a resource.
I warm up by tapping the karate chop points on each hand, then I tap through the distressing thoughts twice.... to open that program in my brain/computer,so to speak. Then I tap while thinking about something better, if things were improved, if I could interpret things differently, and before I know it, my stress drops down to zero. Now, I tap through that many times... maybe 10 or 20, and then I notice where my stress/pain is.
The last time it dropped from an 8 down to a 0!
And it doesn't come back !
It's difficult to stop judging HOW or HOW OFTEN I practice being present and aware. I forget some of the resources, and I fail to implement perfectly, or I just get lost in stories, and can't respond at all... I ride the old pathways, and feel helpless, and like I've failed, which is how I was raised.
To strive for success, when I should focus on what's going on inside, for me.
It's a process to unlearn the software society installs inside us. Our culture is all about how big our homes are, what we drive, what's on our Facebook pages, etc. Succeeding in a job, or race, or game, relationship, picking out an outfit... we're trying to be good enough all the time. Have enough.
That is
suffering. Worrying. Judging. Fretting. Competing. Falling short. Comparing ourselves to others... ugh. Just the worst suffering, IME!
We don't have to do that anymore. We can be super compassionate with ourselves, and dial in
nonjudgmental present awareness. If we fall short, we dial it in, again and again. We're practicing. We aren't ever going to do it perfectly. No one does, not even masters.
So, up through the bottom, unhook the alarm bells of the lower brain, calm down the mid brain, and access our higher thinking, and creativity... our true selves... who we were born, have always been, and will always have. Perfect just as we are, shedding the stories we've been told, by others, and ourselves, about who we are, or might be. Put the stories on the shelf.
You worry a lot, and you ask so many questions, Boat.
I say to you.....
sit down.
Notice your breathing.
In through your nose.
Fill the lower part of your diaphram, like a wide bottomed vase, push your tummy out, and fill that vase up to the top, fill it up, through your nose.
Let it out slowly, through your nose.
The body can be tricked OUT of fight or flight, bc we don't breath like that when we're in real crisis. So we breath ourselves into a calmer state, then notice what's going on INSIDE US. Does it hurt?
If so, give it a number from 1 - 10. Zero being no pain at all. Where, exactly, is that pain or distress?
Now, what's going on
around us.
Sounds?
birds? Lawnmower? Sound machine?
Shapes?
The window? Art? Chairs? Rug? Clock? Drapes? Phone? Water cooler? Shapes, sizes, colors....
and then we notice smell.
Cut grass? Essential oils? Summer air? Cooking?
What do you feel around you?
Under you?
Notice the space around you... to the sides. Above you. There's a lot of space above and beside you, Boat. Feel it. Breath it in. Breath it in as light, and let it fill the spaces around the pain/distress/tension inside your body.
Bring that spaciousness inside, and fill yourself with it.... (I picture cotton) you can build space around knots, and coils, and tension, just keep breathing that space and light IN. This was immensely helpful for me, like the tapping, but not always, and I can switch it up. The more familiar I get with the tools in my toolbox, the more choice I have, the quicker the process can go, the better I get at silencing the chaos, and entertaining the things I want more of.
If you can't do that, you can bring your attention to a part of your body that's neutral or feels OK. Just focus there for a while. And breath, with intention, bc breathing signals to the body that you're not in crisis. You're safe. The biologic responses have to be addressed before you can bring your higher brain in.
PUSH.
ON.
A.
Wall.
With all you have, like your life depends on it. And breath in, fill that vase, with intention.
You have so many great questions, but your biology's been hijacked.
Take it back, Boat.
Unhook the alarms... just shut them off. No one can think when alarms are blaring. NO ONE, and that's you and me.
The answers to all those questions you keep asking yourself will begin to appear, IME, once the alarms shut down.
Einstein meditated in the bathtub, and ideas came to him. He often didn't have a pad and pen when he came up with his biggest ideas. He invited in his wisdom, and that wisdom is inside us all.
The same for Edison. He meditated, and ideas just came to him.
There's a study where 2 groups were tasked with problem solving. One group was given 24 hours to hunker down, work in groups, and come up with ideas.
The other group was to think about the problem, then put it aside for 24 hours... allow the subconsious to chew it over, then come back, and work in a group. They had ideas popping out of "nowhere", but that wasn't where that wisdom came from. It was from a deeper place, and we all have access
if we practice.
And practice doesn't have to be perfect. Just sit down, take control of your biology, and pay attention to here, and now.
I was going to post this on my thread, but it seemed like a good place to leave it, Boat.
Lighter
ps I've read and heard about all these things, from many different sources, but this
one T helped me hear it in a way that made things click. I can't stress how happy I am to have found her. I wish I'd have found her 30 years ago. I truly do: )
