Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Meandering
Meh:
I'm at the beach trying to do voice recognition on my phone staring at a seagull, brought a self-help book with me of course. title the body keeps the score brain mind and body in the healing of trauma. I had to get out of the house because last week I was been binge-watching hours of art lectures on YouTube. Which is okay it was interesting Inc my life has been kind of void of culture or enrichment or something.but still it was starting to feel like a depressive slump. thought I was over these self-help book phase I feel like they contain similar information and antidotes and all that but it doesn't really change a person's life circumstances it's just information. At the same time it is a source of validation I guess if that's what a person needs.
Twoapenny:
I stopped reading self help books for just the reason that you describe, G, I felt that however hard I tried, nothing I did seemed to change my external situation. I still feel like that now. I've worked very hard on myself and my life for many years now but I'm still alone, still skint, still not doing anything that I really want to do. I feel like I am always making the best of situations, rather than living through choices. People often talk about accepting your situation but I always wonder where the line is between acceptance and resignation - at what point is it graciously accepting things are what they are and at which point is it just giving up and not trying any more? It's a question I've never been able to answer for myself. I find the beach incredibly soothing, though (as long as there aren't too many people there!). But just the sound of the waves and watching the tide come up and then recede - I love that. And seagulls! I love watching them stamp their feet on the grass to bring worms up; it just always makes them look really cross :)
The art lectures sound interesting, though, but I know what you mean - however educational it is, you do get to a point where you feel like you need to move yourself xx
Meh:
@ Two
same mostly alone if honest and yes just making the best of it
Meh:
I've been home just watching TV. Staying up too late. Being worried. Resenting the idea of going back onto someone else's time schedule. I feel like I am in some time vacuum black hole. I've been thinking of people from high school, old family friends. Tripping out on how old my parents are. I'm in a dark mood for various reasons. I'm tired of going and going and going and it all being pretty pointless except for the piggy bank. I should be somewhere on vacation but I don't feel too motivated. Who goes on vacation alone? I guess I could yeah but I don't want to.
Now that my grandmother past away her husband is having more or less constant illness as well. I live far away I only have to hear about it I am not there. Per usual I am not close to him either. It's still creepy old age is. I feel like people who have had kids mark their lives based on their kids development. I don't really mark my life at stages, I simply am amazed at how much time has gone by.
Twoapenny:
Time does fly by, G, and I find it's going quicker the older I get. I think it's very hard when you've always worked very hard - not just in the physical sense of work (ie, what you get paid for) but also when you've had to work hard at coping with things that have happened and/or other people - that invisible work that's so draining and time consuming but doesn't really show anything tangible at the end. You get through it, and it might make you a better person (I don't think that's necessarily always the case, I feel I am more cynical and worn out because of it all) but it doesn't feel like there's a big achievement you can show off to everyone. And I think that's hard in our materially focused society. I struggle with knowing I've worked for thirty three years and if I sold everything I own I'd probably make a few hundred pounds. So I get where you're coming from. It is tough. And I think losing people makes us re-evaluate where we're at, even if we weren't that close to them, you know? xx
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