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Meandering
Meh:
The coyotes scurry away at a pace that is like a sarcastic jaunt, I don't believe they are very fearful animals. I mean for the most part they stay away unless you are sitting quietly in a park for a while and they sometimes will sneak up on you either because they think people have food or might be food?
Meh:
Sigh. Marie Kondo.
One drawer in my kitchen was perfect then I cleaned out the upper cabinets. Apparently I did not give the upper cabinet re-do enough thought because I put the coffee behind the soysauce. Man I still need coffee. This morning I tipped the soysauce bottle over onto the counter and it exploded when it hit the counter, soysauce waterfalled down into my perfect drawer. Shot soysauce and tiny slivers of glass all over my pants. Tired. I have a measuring tape near by. It created a soysauce glass mess that reached a radius of six feet. It's the kind of thing that makes a person seethe inside. I know it's stupid but all I want is an entry area that people can walk into and it doesn't look like I'm a crazy slob. But you know what against Marie-Kondo-ish process I kept soysauce packets, YES I HAVE CONDIMENT packets in my perfect drawer. So when I go to microwave a paper plate of frozen vegetables, put soysauce on it and call it lunch I am prepared.
Hopalong:
I will silently scream for you, Gboat!
One of those random attacks of bad luck that really make you grit your teeth.
I have a charming habit of flailing my arm out and knocking water glasses off my nightstand in my sleep. Lost count of the times I've had to stumble around, picking up little splinters, trying to soak it all up with a bath towel in the middle of the night. A lot simpler than a six-foot soy sauce planet, though.
This was not the universe commenting negatively upon you. Promise. Just shit happening.
Hope it's all cleaned up by now and you're feeling philosophical. BTW, loved your post about the coyotes and glad they didn't eat you!
Hugs and sleep well,
Hops
Meh:
Heh Hops. Yeah my life is pretty uneventful. I've vacummed about six times and I still see little slivers of glass. It's no longer a virgin floor. Oh well.
So I have this book that I finally got from the library "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" Karyl McBride
It has been sitting there for a few days untouched I don't know why, I'm lazy I guess, mind is not turned on in general right now.
Today thumbed through it though, it looks pretty "validating" from what little bits I read.
There is something about a book that just addresses this issue which is nice. For some reason I've always felt the issue of having a Narcissistic was like enigmatic? Cloudy, hard to define, hard to put a finger on. Something that you can't talk to most people about. Something that maybe deserves more attention than what I have given. In the past I think I struggled to figure out "what was wrong with me" etc. Struggled with how to put space between me and my relatives and felt bad for it. Focused on the relationship with family members. Didn't focus on my understanding of self or my relationship with myself.
The title of the book Will I Ever Be Good Enough doesn't quite seem like it fits me but inside the book the content does fit me. I'm definitely going to read through this.
Some other woman who got this book from the library has underlined certain things and checked certain boxes in the book with a pencil.
I mean the concepts aren't new to me now but maybe I still need to dive into it. For one thing I feel like I have given up on a lot of aspects of my life. I'm not sure that really has all to do with Narcissistic mothers.
Maybe I don't care about my relationship with my mother anymore. We are both OLD. Honestly though I do need to work on myself. Oh god the world of self-help books. To think that reading a book is going to help it's kinda comical. I guess at a minimum it can help a person become more aware of their thought patterns. I will give it that much.
Well I'm going to walk to the store and get myself some reading snacks. It's funny there are lots of reading snack lists on the internet. I guess it's part of reading enjoyment.
Hopalong:
In your honor, G, I flung another big glass of my nightstand today!
Fortunately, this time it was empty so I only had the broken glass to clean up, instead of a mix of glass splinters and water.
I actually paused to think (imagine!). Occured to me I have one of those fancy water bottles that's not very big, and has a rubbery top on it that you twist shut. DUHHHH. Should have been using it on nightstand all along! But I'm glad the idea came. Hope I never have to do that joyless job again in the middle of the night.
I loved that book...one of the best for digging into low self-esteem I've ever read. I've personally been a big fan of GOOD self-help books. Quite a few have changed my life.
Good on you for doing that for yourself! May it pay off long term. With practice it will! I read a LOT of them and the positivity did keep piling up, generating hope.
Hugs
Hops
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