Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Yard
Hopalong:
And thanks for the joy vote, Lighter!
Tupp, I've been retired from FT (full time) work since end of 2015 (the gigging lasted about 3 years), and now, what I've put by might cover help (health aide if that day comes, more home help) for a year or two. I'm in my early 70s so there could be (or not) quite a few years to go. My parents were long lived (Dad into mid-80s, Mom until 98). I have no windfalls coming from any direction so have been regarding my savings as for emergencies only. I also save every month toward my emergency fund, which I have to tap for things like fallen trees, and also need to anticipate major home situations bound to happen: replacement of the very old furnace will be probably $10,000 minimum, still haven't fixed minor damage to the corner of the roof from the branches fall because even though it's minor, finding a person who won't be really expensive is going to wait a year.
I would LOVE to lavish more repairs and improvements on my nest, but my nest egg isn't big enough to take risks with (it's less than a quarter of what fiduciaries say a person my age should have on hand). So...I still loved your perspective because it does bring joy to improve the appearance of my house/yards, and I will do what I can to keep that going.
Years ago, I could paint my own house and indoors and do many more things for myself. Now, I have to hire help for any improvement because my back is so fragile right now that 10 minutes in the kitchen triggers pain. (PT on the horizon.) When my sweet friend B was here he did some small repairs and it hit me that I've had no help I didn't pay for in decades. It really showed me the reality.
Anyway, loved your perspective, Tupp. Just working out how to strike a sane but not fear-driven balance.
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
Aw Hopsie, I'm sorry for misunderstanding your post. I'd read it like you felt guilty for spending on something nice, like it was an indulgence? I didn't realise it was a 'pot not full enough' situation. It's incredibly frustrating, I think, to work and look after others throughout your life and then to find yourself without enough left for what you need. Ditto not being able to rely on good quality state/government provision and so not having to worry about paying for help. I hope you get some improvement with your back, everything is so much harder if even basic household stuff is painful. I do get the fear/worry over not knowing, and even just with finding good people to do the work well so that what you do spend is well spent. It's a lot to have to manage and keep on top of. $10,000 for a furnace is eye watering, it's all so expensive. I hope you are able to have the nice gardener in again, even in the winter I think it's nice to have a garden to spend time in xx
Twoapenny:
I kept thinking about this, Hopsie, is there not a novel inside you? Or a blog or YouTube channel or something like that? You've had so many experiences in life, learnt so much from them, have so much you can pass on to others, whether through fiction or practical advice - ADHD, family estrangement, family care situations, dating in later life, setting up villages! I don't know how it all works but there seem to be ways that people make money out of blogs and channels? Hopsie's Guide to Life, What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Younger kind of stuff? I'm frustrated that your finances are not helping you enough :) xx
Hopalong:
Awww thanks, ((((Tupp)))).
I really shouldn't complain about not having a fat cushion. Compared to most people in the world I'm privileged as hell. And not exactly terrified about money, but concerned. Maybe the state of the country/world seeps in, too. It's mostly the familylessness, probably.
I have an intense desire to leave my D my house, because she'll never have her own home unless she inherits this one. I put it in trust for her years ago. So to me, it's off limits. I sure wouldn't want to sell it to pay for somebody to take care of my body if it's not working any more -- because I just don't want to live through that kind of misery if it's avoidable. That leads me to a different outcome and a dark one. It was nice to talk with friend B, who said he has the same thoughts. So many older people do ponder the big escape. I loathe our system of obstacles. Anyhoo, not today or hopefully not ever necessary!
As to writing for profit, won't be doing that again. I write for the nonprofit here and there, but otherwise have committed to doing my creative writing (poetry and novel) for the rest of my life. Slowwwly, but it's pure and brings me joy.
And I'm feeling quite good right now except for my back. Gotta go back to PT, and then more will be possible.
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
I think the lack of family is the big difficulty. However many friends, neighbours, volunteers you have around you, it just isn't the same as having a solid family system and/or enough money to pay for staff to do everything that is necessary. I don't think you're complaining, Hops, just explaining the reality of the situation, which is one I can identify with myself! I agree with you about the end of life stuff as well. I remember being in hospital one time and there was an elderly lady in there, so frail that she almost looked like just a head, her body was so tiny it barely raised the bed covers. Many tubes and monitors attached; her situation was perhaps not as serious as it looked and maybe she did make a full recovery but I do know that I would be really happy to just go off in the chair one afternoon and that be that, rather than withering away over a long period of time. I do think there should be easier ways for people to decide what they do and don't want in life. They're serious things we all have to consider and it's not a pleasant thought. But like you say, hopefully not necessary ever, fingers crossed for many more years (and a better back! I hope the PT has started/is helping now).
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