Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Hopalong:
I think sometimes the miracle has happened for me when I responded to someone else's need or loneliness, in a brief moment when I stopped being so conscious of my own.
Some really loyal and lasting friendships have come out of moments like that, sometimes simple ones.
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: CB123 on July 17, 2019, 11:55:40 AM ---Tupp,
In my online reading this morning, I ran across a woman's account of her life--she felt that she was becoming angry with people and out of sorts in a way that didnt seem to fit her circumstances. She finally went to the doctor because it was so disconcerting to her (she sounded a lot like you in your post, genuinely baffled).
Turns out, she is in perimenopause and her rather sudden decline in hormones had precipitated that. Just as some people get morning sickness and some don't, everyone is not affected the same way by these hormone dumps. But I thought that was interesting and wanted to pass it along to you in case that's something you wanted to look into further. Even if you would rather not take hormone therapy, I think there are natural things you can do to help.
Anyway, just wanted to throw that out as a possibility. I have found in my life and with my kids that a lot of physical problems dont manifest in physical ways which can be really confusing and delay treatment for the underlying issues.
CB
--- End quote ---
CB, thank you, yes, goodness, so true! I definitely have menopausal stuff going on and the angry stuff is definitely worse in the two weeks before I get my period. I've been seeing an acupuncturist and the chinese medicine theory is interesting to me. It's thought that different emotions get stuck in different organs, so what the acupuncturist is working on is clearing my liver, which is where the anger is thought to lie. I think the idea is if there's no anger stuck in there, the hormone shift won't make such a big difference. I have noticed improvement in the hormonal stuff itself - I'm not having as many nights waking up hot and sweaty (in fact this month I think it's only happened once) and I haven't been as sore and bloated so I'm hoping it might be easing a bit. There are so many things that manifest themselves in physical ways, it's very hard sometimes to try to trace something back and work out where it came from. I'm sometimes astonished that women get anything done at all; I've spent so much of my life dealing with periods and hormones it's a miracle that there's time or energy to do anything else sometimes lol xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on July 17, 2019, 06:47:52 PM ---Two,
If we find a good friend I think it's like a miracle. To me it seems like a rare thing for a lot of people.
From what I can tell there are many people who are situational friends, classes and work, they come and go.
--- End quote ---
G, I think that's so true, and it makes me wonder if it's hard to meet real friends because we so often are doing things we don't really want to do - jobs that we have to do to pay the bills, classes that we attend because we want to do something and it's the only thing in our area/that fits with work/that we can afford - so much of our lives are situational, in some ways? So I supposed it makes sense that most people we meet we meet because of our situation rather than through some sort of deeper link. I yearn more for the deeper links, I think, but also feel guilty if I don't want to spend time with people because they're nice people, you know? I just don't feel like I've got that deeper link and I really crave that now. It's like wanting a really nice dinner rather than a sandwich. Lol. It's funny how we often have to make the best of something because it's kind of all that's there. Happens in all areas of our lives, I think xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on July 17, 2019, 08:01:05 PM ---I think sometimes the miracle has happened for me when I responded to someone else's need or loneliness, in a brief moment when I stopped being so conscious of my own.
Some really loyal and lasting friendships have come out of moments like that, sometimes simple ones.
Hops
--- End quote ---
Hops, that was really interesting for me, because I feel like I am in exactly the opposite situation. I feel like my tendency to reach out to other people's needs is the reason I keep finding myself surrounded by people who only call me when they want something. And that got me thinking about the difference between those friendships and the friends I've got who do call, chat, know where I'm at and so on. And the difference is - they're the ones that reached out to me when I was struggling, rather than me reaching out to them. Isn't that funny? It got me thinking - and I think I've put this in a post at some point - that I have got to be more real when I meet people. I always kind of adapt myself to other people - I ask them questions about themselves, I listen to what they say, I carry on talking about it even when I'm not interested. I really need to push myself more to talk about myself and what I like and don't like, so that I get more people who really see me. I think that's how I feel with some people; that they don't know me even though we've been friends for years. Someone suggested meeting her for a beach swim when I told her I was feeling exhausted and wanted to stay at home and rest as much as possible. And I can appreciate that she's trying to help - but apart from the practicalities of being so tired I can barely stand some days and of who will look after son while I swim - I'm scared of water! So swimming in the sea is stressful for me - I do it if son wants to because he can't go in on his own but it really isn't something I like to do or find relaxing. And I just wondered how someone can know me for fifteen years and know so little about me that they suggest something that's one of the things I dislike so much (I love being near the sea but being in it scares me). And I think it's because I'm too passive; I let people talk about themselves a lot even when I'm not interested in what they have to say and I don't push forth about myself. I need to try and change that somehow - I just find the practise of it much harder than the reality. Isn't it funny how those different ideas connect together and help you see what's going on but from a different angle? That's what I love about the forum, everyone's different thought and perspective helps you see your own more clearly. So helpful xx
Meh:
I'm scared of water too. A warm private pool okay but ocean or rivers nah. invisable slime monsters
You get like anxiety and panic when you talk about yourself? I guess if you are afraid of losing a friendship you would do anything to keep them, not rock the boat, be agreeable etc.
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