Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Hopalong:
Definitely, always do the math!
2 steps forward + 1 step back = a step FORWARD
Considering how you've taken DOZENS of steps forward lately, don't ever despair over a couple back.
If somebody graphed you, Tupp, the wiggling line would be trending UP.
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 01, 2019, 01:41:39 PM ---(((Tupp)))
Breath, and get curious.
Feeling down is cause for curiosity. Right?
No more judging.
Be compassionate with yourself.
What would you want me to do?
Do that.
It's going to be OK.
Even if it's not OK.
It's OK.
Lighter
Remember, breathe in 4 seconds, hold it 4 seconds, breathe out 4 seconds - repeat several times as needed
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Lighter, things have eased off a bit today. What I find difficult at the moment is that in the time it happens I'm like a rabbit frozen in headlights so all the self care stuff doesn't come into my mind. I'm seeing the acupuncture guy next week so I'm going to ask him if there's a point he can work on to slow down that terror response, to give me time to work on the feelings as they come up. It's like a shutter comes down - perhaps linked to disassociating in the past? But it's like I can see what's going on but I'm not really part of it. But today feels better and I can practise the breathing, do some yoga, work through my list (lists keep me going at times like this, I can work through things and feel like I've achieved something), perhaps go to the beach this evening and just sit and watch the waves for a while. It's okay - we're doing okay :) xx xx
Meh:
(((...Hugs...)))
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on August 01, 2019, 02:31:09 PM ---Definitely, always do the math!
2 steps forward + 1 step back = a step FORWARD
Considering how you've taken DOZENS of steps forward lately, don't ever despair over a couple back.
If somebody graphed you, Tupp, the wiggling line would be trending UP.
hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
There is definitely upward progress, Hops, do you know what, a graph would be a good idea, wouldn't it? To stick on the wall and just plot each day where you think you are - an easy way to see quickly how much progress you've made so that the difficult bits are put into perspective? I think you are on to something there!
I am aware that I've had a breakdown. It's been a fairly quiet and calm one, and mostly internal - I don't think anyone else would have noticed day to day - but it feels quite complete now. I did do something quite ridiculous and shaved my head to to the bone one evening last week. I keep my hair very short anyway, shaved at the back and sides and a little longer on top (an inch or so). But something came over me and I've taken it all off completely and it looks awful. But for some reason it has shocked me out of the fog I've been in for the last few months and I can see that a very slow, calm breakdown has taken place and I think that was the pinnacle of it. I almost felt like I wanted to destroy myself completely? But, it does feel quite cathartic now (although I do feel very daft and think I will tell people I had a hair dyeing incident and so had to chop it all off. And will be wearing a hat for a couple of months until it has at least grown back a little bit). But it has made me see things a little clearly and it's been interesting to me to know there are friends I would tell - because I think they'd be sensitive to it and understand - and friends I wouldn't mention it to because they'd just think I was nuts and gossip about me. So there's been a slight revelatory notion to it. And I am so grateful I have all of you, even more than ever right now. Thank you xx xx xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on August 02, 2019, 02:33:42 AM ---(((...Hugs...)))
--- End quote ---
Thank you, G, it is much appreciated :) xx xx
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