Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Hopalong:
Wow, I think that last paragraph was HUGE, Tupp. Realizing that calm, which you aspire to, is actually uncomfortable.
That's such an opportunity. To see what eternal adrenaline has been about. Not just that it happens, but what is it substituting for?
I don't know a lot about how trauma works. But I wonder if feeling perennial anger, frustration and negativity keep the stillness away. Because in stillness, the trauma might resurface. I don't know if that's accurate, I'm just guessing. (And you have ACTUAL stress, big stress, it's not like you're manufacturing it. Waking up with it every day, though, says .... too much.)
It would be so wonderful to have a safe space with a skilled, kind T you trust, where you could release and talk through a lot of it, once a week. Maybe then you could wake up in peace, no matter what the day brings.
big hugs,
Hops
lighter:
I understand... and I'm not sure why it IS what it is, but it just is discomfort with the quiet bits.
Whether it's dread of getting thrown back into chaos, which is worse if I DO manage to relax, finally, and believe things will be OK... or if it's that PAT thing the T spoke about.... Pleasure Affect Tolerance?
I guess you take notice, stay curious, and go back to basics.... breathing, yoga, beach, social contact.
At some point the quiet won't feel so strange. It becomes familiar, right?
Keep breathing your way through it, and train your brain...... it's OK. No reason to get anxious, or avoid, or find distractions. It's OK.
::nodding::.
What becomes habit, becomes pleasure.
20 - 60 days to form new patterns. This too shall pass.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on September 07, 2019, 09:21:50 AM ---Wow, I think that last paragraph was HUGE, Tupp. Realizing that calm, which you aspire to, is actually uncomfortable.
That's such an opportunity. To see what eternal adrenaline has been about. Not just that it happens, but what is it substituting for?
I don't know a lot about how trauma works. But I wonder if feeling perennial anger, frustration and negativity keep the stillness away. Because in stillness, the trauma might resurface. I don't know if that's accurate, I'm just guessing. (And you have ACTUAL stress, big stress, it's not like you're manufacturing it. Waking up with it every day, though, says .... too much.)
It would be so wonderful to have a safe space with a skilled, kind T you trust, where you could release and talk through a lot of it, once a week. Maybe then you could wake up in peace, no matter what the day brings.
big hugs,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Yes I think that's it Hops, part of it with me (I think) is if I'm at a point now where I can't blame (or don't want to keep blaming) my situation on other people, for whatever reason, it then becomes down to me to do something useful or meaningful with my life. And I think I find that quite scary - lack of confidence or something, I guess. Am I good enough to do something useful? The lack of people in my life is down to the problems I have with maintaining relationships - I just find it really hard work and if I'm honest I can't be bothered to make a lot of effort a lot of the time. Co-dependence suited me, it meant I could busy myself with other people's stuff and avoid dealing with my own, then moan when they didn't need or want me anymore. It's more of a risk to have a relationship with someone that's just based on them liking you enough to spend time with you, rather than doing it because you run round after them all the time. So I think I'm just at a point where I've got rid of a lot of the old stuff but I haven't filled the spaces with new, good stuff yet. And I want to do that slowly so that I don't just find myself back in the same situations again another couple of years down the road (which has happened before!). And the space inbetween is difficult to manage. But today was a good day! So I think it will be alright :) xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on September 07, 2019, 10:54:10 AM ---I understand... and I'm not sure why it IS what it is, but it just is discomfort with the quiet bits.
Whether it's dread of getting thrown back into chaos, which is worse if I DO manage to relax, finally, and believe things will be OK... or if it's that PAT thing the T spoke about.... Pleasure Affect Tolerance?
I guess you take notice, stay curious, and go back to basics.... breathing, yoga, beach, social contact.
At some point the quiet won't feel so strange. It becomes familiar, right?
Keep breathing your way through it, and train your brain...... it's OK. No reason to get anxious, or avoid, or find distractions. It's OK.
::nodding::.
What becomes habit, becomes pleasure.
20 - 60 days to form new patterns. This too shall pass.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
I think that's it, Lighter, keep walking new paths until they become familiar paths. I'm going to keep focusing on my health and keeping life orderly and calm as much as possible and just keep trying to make good choices. I've told sis I don't want to hear about mum again, whatever she may or may not be doing, and I think I'll keep contact with her now to Christmas and birthdays. Same with friends from the past as well. It's time to move on and just not keep dealing with this stuff all the time! It's too tiring. There are more enjoyable ways to feel tired :) Lol xx
lighter:
I think healthier people make these types of healthier decisions
all
the
time.
I don't think they have the same fear, guilt and shame pressuring them to continue relationships, and situations that are unhealthy. Maybe they do. I just know that we have control over decisions we make daily, and switching to the best possible choice will have implications we can't imagine, but will be proud of.
One day at a time. One decision at a time. It ads up. Think about the bad things we've become accustomed to.
We can get used to feeling better, and having less strife in our lives, can't we?
I'm sure we can.
Its getting beyond the discomfort. That familiar old discomfort that usually pushes us into decisions that won't get us more of what we want, but dispells discomfort in the moment.
This moment has to be endured, and overcome to get beyond old patterns.
We can do that. I notice I'm calmer, generally, as I continue practicing breathing, and cultivating positive moments. It's easier to get back on track.
Lighter
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