Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Twoapenny:
I posted before I'd actually finished, not sure where my head was at there! But was also going to write that I have huge amounts of anger coming up at that minute about so many different things and that's really tiring as well, although I'm guessing it's better to get it all out and let it go rather than hanging on to it endlessly. I'm writing it all down (privately, because a lot of it's vile and probably not fair on some of the people it concerns so it's definitely one to burn at a later stage but I feel the need to get it out of my system).
Hopalong:
((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))
I'm sorry. I didn't know that a U.K. patient is not allowed to request a new or different treatment they've learned about. My doctor here respects my capacity to research things and if what I ask for is reasonable and evidence based (and not contraindicated by some other condition), he will give it.
Damn. I had hoped doctors there have enough autonomy to offer something new. And that you could choose to visit a doctor who does offer it.
BIG hugs, Tupp.
love to you,
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 22, 2019, 03:40:37 PM ---((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))
I'm sorry. I didn't know that a U.K. patient is not allowed to request a new or different treatment they've learned about. My doctor here respects my capacity to research things and if what I ask for is reasonable and evidence based (and not contraindicated by some other condition), he will give it.
Damn. I had hoped doctors there have enough autonomy to offer something new. And that you could choose to visit a doctor who does offer it.
BIG hugs, Tupp.
love to you,
Hops
--- End quote ---
No need to apologise at all Hops, I appreciate you taking the time to look it all up and have saved it in case I can use it in the future. But no, the NHS service is generally very poor and there is no choice involved - you can only use doctor's surgeries and hospitals within a certain radius of where you live and then most of the time you will be allocated a doctor. Waiting lists are incredibly long - many people with mental health problems generally wait over a year to see a specialist and that will be a 'general' specialist, not one who specialises in their particular problem, unless they just happen to get lucky. There isn't a choice in treatment; doctors have first line drugs (usually the cheapest) to prescribe first, then if that doesn't work you get the second one, then the third and so on. With mental health you'll generally be told at some point it's your fault and you exaggerate/attention seek/need to take responsibility for yourself and then when people kill themselves there's an enquiry, everyone promises to learn lessons and nothing is done. In my experience emergency services are good but the NHS is the reason I am so into complementary therapies - it's the only way I can get healthcare :) Unless their chosen meds happen to be the right ones for you then you're on your own. It's very scary because everyone thinks the NHS is great until they have to use it for a chronic condition and then it's too late to get insurance because they won't cover pre-exisiting conditions. Anyway, none the less - NHS lesson over! I appreciate you taking the time to find me the stuff so please don't apologise xx
Twoapenny:
I think I broke. And I think it's probably a good thing. I know it sounds a bit weird but the last few days I have been so tired and the anger that's been pouring out of me has been so strong and unpleasant and difficult to manage. I even had to say to son that I was in a really angry mood so could he please stay in his bedroom and I've never had to do that before (he was fine about it). But I think something in me has just snapped and today I could barely get the energy up to get out of bed to take him to college. I can't tell you how relieved I am that this week is his last and I have ten weeks now to recover. I have just got to make my health a priority now and if that means that paperwork doesn't get done and money doesn't get earned and I don't see anyone or go out at all, so be it. I just can't manage it all on my own any more and I'm not willing to give my health up. So I went back to bed when I got home earlier. I've had some lunch now, I'm going to walk to the shop in a minute to get some groceries, pick son up from college and then I'm going back to bed and the rest of the world can just carrying on spinning without me, quite frankly. It does feel like it's time to let the pieces drop, let everything settle and then pick up what I need and what feels useful. And that doesn't include stress, rushing around, loads of people who don't know what they're doing, friends who never call, friends who call with drama or nonsense to offload, annoying neighbours and everything else that just gets me down. It really does need to be health first and foremost now.
I am also aware that it's my mum's birthday in a couple of days and I hate not sending her something. I don't do it because I know it will be like poking the sleeping bear (as Lighter describes it) but it always feels wrong and I do wish that she'd made just the smallest effort over the last dozen or so years to try to change or reach out or just do something that showed she was able to contain her madness for a short while. It does get me down.
sKePTiKal:
Doesn't sound weird to me at all, Tupp. (((((Tupp)))))
The strongest trees will break, because they don't bend easily when the winds are fierce.
Pick one thing a day, to focus on. Don't try to do everything all at once - even if it all NEEDS to get done. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But you can only do the one thing you're doing at this moment.
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