Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The island
sKePTiKal:
Oh now you're making me drool to stay in the cottage Lighter! Especially the boat ride!!!
I absolutely love boats and the challenge they pose. I'm definitely not a party barge girl. There are some tall ship sailing cruises to Bahamas I've been looking at. Passengers are encouraged to help crew. And they seem to end pretty close to your island. I was daydreaming again, last night about spending a month or so on that adventure.
Oh, forgot though - Buck can't even eat some saltwater fish with his allergy.
And now, Cinderella, needs to start removing as much of the construction demo dust in this house as possible!
lighter:
Hi, Tupp. I felt heard. I'm speaking up and feeling better. Not sure everyone else feels better, but things going ok. I guess you'd say I'm
Just caught a fish. Weather overcast. Frenchman telling stories on boat. Relaxed. Leaning into lazy fish catching no planning projects food planning breath.
Amber. Bring that man to the island and do some healing.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on February 15, 2020, 01:59:57 PM ---Hi, Tupp. I felt heard. I'm speaking up and feeling better. Not sure everyone else feels better, but things going ok. I guess you'd say I'm
Just caught a fish. Weather overcast. Frenchman telling stories on boat. Relaxed. Leaning into lazy fish catching no planning projects food planning breath.
Amber. Bring that man to the island and do some healing.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Well, Lighter, I think the fact that you were able to speak up AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHETHER EVERYONE ELSE FEELS BETTER is huge - so huge it needed capitals :) Amazing. I'm glad you found your voice and finding ears that are receptive to it :) Enjoy the fishing and the relaxing. Yep, you guys can all go sailing and I'll get the lunch ready and wave at you from the beach :) Lol xx
lighter:
YES....not worrying about managing everyone's emotions is new. And I'm doing more noticing, like you, with less effort. It comes and goes.
I do feel good about being aware of my thoughts. Yesterday I got keys and tools from renter.....no problem or worries. Very proud of myself for zero people pleasing with that.
We're trolling for Wahoo and switching all poles to purple and white lures after one big hit.
Everyone happy today. We've adjusted and are better for having our say. No harm, no foul.
The Frenchman is playful which gives insight into future dating.....Im pretty no nonsense right now. Did I forget how to play?
I might work on that with T next week.
In the meantime I have plumber and lovely worker lined up to put hot water in outdoor shower, put in outlets and such for washer dryer, door we can lock on last outbuildings now housing paint, plumbing and electrical supplies......all bikes, floats, kayaks and raft in large shed, with container set up for golf cart, fishing gear and tools.....my brother worked so hard.
I painted out knot holes with shellac product from Zinzer....BIN I think it's called. The walls and ceilings lookfresh and clean....will never have to paint again. Usually do it every visit but had right product this time.
Brother changed out seals in interior short valves....no more leaking rust down wall woo hoo!
Fly screens installed. Rust on metal doors ground down and painted....it swells doors so you can't close them....constant maintenance.
We're super busy. Going golf cart shopping later, which means buying used from rental company.
Cooking fresh fish daily, so beautiful.
Lighter
lighter:
Update:
Yesterday was tough. Not gonna lie, but huge relief when it ended so looking at positives. Lots done....built door for little shed, very strong. Made out of old deck boards. David, a local who always shows up, worked here all day and is here now putting in new drip edge on guest cottage.
I finished painting in bathroom and King rooms. Sealed knot holes officially with BIN then painted again. BIN is the stuff. It's 44.00 a gallon, very thin, lacquer based and you can paint with acrylic water based paint or oils. I'm going to find a paint that stabilizes rust next. The metal doors are always in need of grinding and painting. Lots a things are.
Yesterday I had 5 ( forced) hours to sit and think, manage emotions and cope with stress. All in all I'm steadier, harder to shake up and am remembering to push on walls and breathe automatically. There was an alarm bell I literally couldn't breathe through at one point. I was so relieved when it stopped.
I've been speaking up without feeling anxiety. I didn't speak up to Frenchman when I should have.....trying to figure that one out. I think I didn't want to make things more awkward, but they are. Less awkward than I thought, but still awkward. I'm told I should say I'm dating someone to shut these things down, but lies always feel like a mistake to me. I shift into future and picture all kinds of more awkward situations. Getting caught in a lie would feel like a mark on my soul....and....why does that matter so much? I care what people think, despise chaos and really don't want to be the engineer of more confusion than I deal with regularly. And....the kind cut is the stinkiest cut, IME. No simply means No. That should be enough.
So, I wish I'd responded with "It's no and we're not going to talk about that again." Fini!
I can do that. I ended up rocked back on my heals ( fig.) defending my NO, which felt horrible. I know better than to let a guy try to change my answer. I feel better having a response ready.....am getting better at "I don't want to talk about that." Huge relief.
I realize I haven't been to the massage therapist in a long time. I'm managing with the exercises in the book PAIN FREE, by Pete Egoscue. Can't say enough goid things about it. Stretching to align joints and relieve pain.....then stretching daily to keep things aligned. Makes sense and treats causes. All for that!
My brother wants me to stop working outside and let the men be men. He doesn't understand me working alongside. I learn and save money....is that a bad thing. Someone else suggested I be just a "homemaker"....not even sure what that means so I wasn't moved to comment.
So,renter must start paying rent. Brother might have security job lined up for him at nearby Marina. That would be good, I think.
I'm holding my ground with renter....not perfectly. I had to fight the urge to feed him....I let him take an hour of my evening and I was exhausted to begin with. Later I set a boundary easily and without thinking, so things coming along.
The stars are magnificent bc no city lights. You can see the glow of Miami on the horizon.....interesting. The dark is very dark here.
Back to it.
Lighter
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