Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Achievements
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on October 10, 2019, 07:54:49 PM ---It's funny that you were in the bathroom, scrubbing. I used Softs Scrub Oxyclean this morning on my tub and shower, which is the only one the girls will use, btw. Maybe I can figure out how to clean with salt, and oil, and vinegar. My hands like the feel of grit. Felt great, but set me back on drive to take Malinois to the vet.
He's such a sweet sweet boy now. Nibbles treats gently from my fingers. Doesn't pull anymore. I guess getting older has it's advantages. Renewed drviers license in about 6 minutes flat... AMAZING! Didn't sit down, I was in and out in a flash WOO HOO!
Ordered a replacement Title that's been vexing me. SUCH A GREAT DAY!
Tupp... I re read your paperwork paragraph. It struck me that I might feel better about paperwork IF I'D HAD A CHANCE TO FILE A COMPLAINT. I wonder if filing something true, and fair and right would feel empowering?
Don't get me wrong, I KNOW it's better to just stay out of the system. It's just that I've never ever been allowed a voice in the system.
I hope you get your papers done, and out of the way soon.
PIL SUNG! Means imminent victory.
::nod::
About baby girl pug getting stung.... she's fine. ZERO reaction, no swelling, and basically recovered by that evening.
--- End quote ---
Lighter, I filed multiple complaints about the first child protection thing. It took over two years and goodness knows how much time and effort on my part but eventually they had to admit that their version of events was untrue (I got it in writing) and the Ombudsman found in my favour on every part of my complaint. In practical terms it changed nothing but I did feel better for having it confirmed that no-one had behaved appropriately and we had been treated very badly. There have been other times since when I should have complained but didn't have the time or the energy. I will complain about the education situation because son's needs haven't been met, so they might award him compensation. If it weren't for that I don't think I'd bother at this stage. It's a bit of a double edged sword - very stressful and time consuming but it has given me a sense of closure in many cases. It's hard not being heard, as you know only too well.
I put three tablespoons of white vinegar in a bucket of warm water and a few drops of Bergamot oil, which is supposed to help offer protection against bad energy. I have felt very flat in this house and wondered if some sort of energy was stuck here. The Bergamot smells nice so either way it felt like a good addition. I used the same solution to clean the kitchen cupboards but sprinkled salt first to get the grimy bits off, then rinsed with the vinegar solution. I use bicarb of soda on the carpets to freshen them up when I hoover. Glad pooch was okay :)
So, achievements today - I started well with meditation, then yoga. Had a good breakfast, tidied up, pottered around doing odd jobs and then took son out for the afternoon. Cooked a nice dinner, with pudding, did some laundry, tidied kitchen. Did a couple of emails and made a couple of phone calls. It was a quiet day, but got quite a lot done and it should make tomorrow and easier day.
lighter:
I guess the lack of accountability, and consequences for the people who do harm is pretty hard to make peace with. For me, it's the truth.
You do all that work, go through the process of disproving the negatives used against you, and what happens? You got a letter that isn't worth much. I hope it helps you explain what your NM and sf ARE.
You're amazing I realize, once again, as I read through your day. I'd hate to be on the other side of a complaint you're filing.
I write that and think.... I wonder if Tupp can force a decent decision or settlement that helps the bad guys avoid responsibility or the embarrassment of being outed for poor conduct/performance/incompetence, etc.
Sometimes we get something for NOT pushing all the way to the end. If we can see an end isn't worth the bother, then we know what we have to do, IME.
I found, very often in court, that proving I was right, and the PDs or opposing counsel, or Judge or T was wrong/committing fraud, or a little crime, it wasn't worth the effort, bc I couldn't GET anything out of them, or put them in jail, or recoup more than a fraction of the time and expense, etc.
What are your options, Tupp? What's your best opportunity to get the best outcome for your son?
(((Tupp))) You deserve a break. I hope it's on the way.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on October 13, 2019, 07:18:19 PM ---I guess the lack of accountability, and consequences for the people who do harm is pretty hard to make peace with. For me, it's the truth.
You do all that work, go through the process of disproving the negatives used against you, and what happens? You got a letter that isn't worth much. I hope it helps you explain what your NM and sf ARE.
You're amazing I realize, once again, as I read through your day. I'd hate to be on the other side of a complaint you're filing.
I write that and think.... I wonder if Tupp can force a decent decision or settlement that helps the bad guys avoid responsibility or the embarrassment of being outed for poor conduct/performance/incompetence, etc.
Sometimes we get something for NOT pushing all the way to the end. If we can see an end isn't worth the bother, then we know what we have to do, IME.
I found, very often in court, that proving I was right, and the PDs or opposing counsel, or Judge or T was wrong/committing fraud, or a little crime, it wasn't worth the effort, bc I couldn't GET anything out of them, or put them in jail, or recoup more than a fraction of the time and expense, etc.
What are your options, Tupp? What's your best opportunity to get the best outcome for your son?
(((Tupp))) You deserve a break. I hope it's on the way.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Aw, Lighter, I do get what you mean, at each stage you do have to ask yourself what is worth your time, effort, what is the best possible outcome and is it worth it? I think for me, sadly, I realised quite some time ago that, if the best we can get is a letter, two years after the original incident, telling me I was right, then it isn't worth it in many cases. I don't personally believe that individual people have an impact on certain personality types, who are convinced they are right, regardless of any evidence to the contrary. And discrimination against people with learning disabilities is rife in the UK, so deeply embedded in our society and culture that it just permeates everything that you do. A lot of people don't seem to understand that there is more to equality than being nice to someone - you have to try your best to help them live the best life they possibly can and a lot of people don't think it's worth the time with someone who is unlikely to develop beyond a certain stage of childhood. It's also important not to impose your own notion of what their best life is upon them - something I've always found hard not to do - and that's a daily battle for me, trying to stop other people from imposing their notion of what is best for my son upon us (because it generally involves him just doing as he's told without complaint - I think you should complain a lot if you don't want to do something!).
It's possible we can get enough compensation out of this to keep money aside to pay for private assessments from time to time, or a nice holiday, or to use to move house. Not definite, but a good enough chance to make it worth putting the time in to do the complaints. I've already been through the local agencies, which is the first port of call, then you have to go to the Ombudsman, so essentially the complaints are written, I just have to re-do bits to fit in the sections on the form and pull together all the evidence I have to support the complaint (as the Ombudsman will only investigate what you ask them to, they don't do a full assessment of the entire situation from scratch). So it's stressful and time consuming but worth doing. I am still pulling together evidence for his medical negligence case - that - if I can prove he experienced a brain injury during the birth - could be worth millions and is well worth pursuing. But we've already tried twice and been unsuccessful so I'm not getting my hopes up. But it's still worth having another go.
I think a break is coming! I can see an end in sight to the unpleasantness now and I feel like I'm making my peace with things not working out the way I thought they would. These two complaints are the last two bits of unpleasantness I have to deal with. The house is in a reasonable state now. I have a friend coming to stay next week which will be nice and son is off college now for two weeks and I think that break will do us both good. I'm really hopeful that next year will start on a more positive note and in a better place for us xx
lighter:
Major activity around here.... cleaned out garage... both sides, so both vehicles fit nicely. All the yard stuff, I used all the time, went under the house, which is a crawl space tall enough for sis and I to stand and work in.
We cleaned out the shed, and moved all work benches, and chairs too. Now there's tons of counter space, and storage space under the benches. We're hanging stuff too.... it's clear space to walk.... there was tons of wood leftover from the renovation. Now it's all sorted... old barnwood from old 2x4s, and such.
There were at least 5 Suburban loads of sad stuff that went to Goodwill.... feels like sunshine blowing through my headspace: )
The yard is in great shape... the 3 foot pile of leaves got rained on then frozen into place BEFORE the 40 mph winds swept through. It's still there.
I'm very happy today, bc I got up at 3pm and solved the stuffing problem... we're having an early Thanksgiving, and there were "issues" with texture, and lack of browning that's been resolved.
My dog, at the farm got loose, and I found him this morning. He's fine, even if he had 2 rabies shots this month, darnit. The shelter that picked him up auto vaccinates, but HE'S BACK!
That's my update. I likely won't be on much with pick baking, and visiting with family. Looking forward to seeing my niece and nephew... haven't seen them in a while. Niece bakes a killer chocolate pie, btw; )
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Wow Lighter, you have been busy! That is a lot of work. All in one day? Amazing. And pooch! I'm glad he's back with you. And that your leaves stayed where they were supposed to :) Lol xx
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