Heartfelt (pun intended) thanks to every one of you.
Sleep wasn't good last night but I got through it and not giving up. My body may be adapting to all this new stuff at bedtime, esp. the ashwagandha. But I'm sticking with it for at least a week before I remove any of the components. I may space them out over the evening, instead of dumping it all in at once. E.g., sip chamomile during the early evening, then the magnesium CALM mid-evening, then the ashwag. at bedtime, kind of thing.
Obvious as a sledgehammer--if I don't exercise, I don't reach physical fatigue. Wouldn't take much right now, so I need to get on my recumbent bike (laundry holder) and get going. That's been a stupid, irrational, mental block.
Thank you very very much for understanding about pain and welcoming my talking about it. In my 20s I had significant panic disorder (as you describe, Tupp), and quite a few ED visits for the chest pain. I couldn't fathom what it was about and the chest pain was scariest, the shortness of breath next-scariest. It's been decades since I've had a true "anxiety attack" and it's hard to understand why I'd be having one literally while falling into sleep. So I'm still unsure what caused the latest. But I'm following up by making an appt with a general cardiologist, so maybe there'll be new advice they didn't have decades ago. I did get reassurance from the arrhythmia guy that my device (chest impant recorder) didn't record any rhythm problems during this episode.
Amber, I read tons and tons about anxiety disorder when I suffered acutely from it, and you're absolutely right. Pain is pain and it's just WEIRD that such strong chest pain can come from something in the brain, not the chest, so to speak. But it's very common with anxiety states. Also, maybe Quarantine Anxiety will be a new diagnosis one day. I know that's been building up for me, as the season starts to change.
Lighter, I'm using my light (pun intended). I appreciate how closely you tune in to the connection between body and mind, and how you track emotion and feeling states in methods of breathing and visualizing in order to calm the CNS. That really is a gift I'm not naturally drawn to, as close contemplation of every little sensation tends to increase anxiety when I'm in the middle of it. I do believe that a simple mediation practice might carve some new neural pathways that would boost my resilience, though.
And the struggle with motivation and hope is something I am dealing with more directly with my T. It troubles me some that the last time we "met" was the same day I had the "attack" at night. One issue I'm trying to think effectively about is that I'm a quick and detailed talker, very descriptive and clear (and verbose). She is verrrrrry different, and processes or takes in whatever I say very, very slowly. She takes so long to come up with a thought about whatever I've just said that I an find myself feeling little spurts of anxiety about whether we're even on the same page.
However, she is deeply empathetic, which I know I need. Just not a great communicator. She expresses herself so slowly and haltingly that sometimes I lose confidence, but that's not her fault. It's my racing mind. I think I'd benefit from trying to slow waaaaay down and express just a few thoughts at a time. Or, it's possible we're mis-matched. I hope not, because I do have a high degree of trust and comfort with her otherwise.
hugs
Hops
