Health Updates

[Hopalong]

Thanks, ((((Bettyannne)))).

I really am doing well. It was just a bad night, culmination
of politics anxiety. Virtually ALL better today!

My nutrition's in pretty good shape; exercise plan just re-starting.
It's all okay.

I'm so relieved and happy today that my stress level is waaaaaay down.

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Well, dang. Another episode of aphasia this morning (detected by confusion when I went to make breakfast and was a bit lost, plus aphasia--difficulty word-finding). It did not last more than a half hour or maybe 45 minutes, but it was the same symptom I had before the stroke in June 2019 so I knew I had to go to the hosp.

Long story short, long day in ER (emergency room, now called ED, for dept). As ever most of the time was waiting but the staff were wonderful. Tired but caring and very careful about Covid. And it wasn't crowded or overrun. So I had a CT and an MRI and bunch of blood work, and the upshot was no stroke. Best news possible. No brain bleed visible either. Vague possible cause, not confirmed, is cerebral vascular spasm.

Not a good thing to have with family and my own history of stroke, but to me seems a clear risk if I get too busy or emotionally stressed (which I have been, along with half the planet).

M was very kind and drove me both ways, and now I'm tucked up with Pooch and going to sleep my troubles away. All is well, I am grateful, and am ready to calm down with politics news and do more simple, slow, self-nurturing things. No more friend drama either...we've all got our limits and I hit mine I think.

I also have over-volunteered lately. New connections and meetings actually made me very happy but I get quite over-stimulated and evidently, dammit, that's not good for my brain. I need a slower mental pace and simple rhythms. AND more discipline about walking, wine, diet and ... damn damn as it's worse than heroin, my faithful nicotine gum.

(No advice needed on that one, it's painful to admit what a junkie I am. It's one of the things that ain't good for hearts, though nowhere as bad as smoking. Sigh.)

Pooch thinks the only thing wrong with me was that her dinner was hours late. She's sulking. LOL.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I'm glad it wasn't a stroke, Hopsie, but sorry you've had to go through this.  It's very worrying, however calm everyone else is.  I'm glad that the ED wasn't too busy and that precautions are being taken.  More stress whilst getting checked over doesn't help.  And yes, I understand completely how social connections and attempts to interact with people are necessary and welcome, but can also be stressful and increase other problems.  And I do think that just now we're all heightened and that for some that increases reactions, for others it lessens them.  It's a difficult time for everyone.  Won't offer advice re addiction/comfort patterns - I know with my own situation I know what I ought to be doing, it's just sometimes too much of a jump between what I should do and what I am doing.  Hard to manage (especially during a pandemic!) but you will know yourself that baby steps do good and Pooch is there, even if she is cross that she didn't get her dinner   I hope the sleep helps and that you feel rested and comfortable afterwards, and pop back in soon to let us know how you're getting on xx xx

[Hopalong]

Thanks, ((((Tupp)))).

Still don't feel normal on the left side of my head this morning. Not pain, but vague pressure. Tinnitus is roaring since the MRI was so loud, even with their huge headphones. Hope it calms down a notch because it can be a torment, but I'll work on calm about that too. (In hindsight I wish I'd thought to take foam earplugs to wear as well, although planning when you're scared isn't always easy.)

Well so far, words are coming out okay! Pooch is doing Nap #1 (of about 15) in her daily sunstream, and watching her glow like a huge, theatrically-lit apricot on her little blue throw is one of my favorite sights. Sunlight on her fur is actually golden and very bright this time of day. Any day the sun is out it's a visual and heartbeat treat.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Oh Hops....

I'm so sorry to read this, but I'm GLAD it wasn't very serious. Yes, I think your idea of a slower pace makes absolute sense. Especially, for cognitive tangles. I get them too. If I don't proofread my posts - and sometimes even when I do - there are typos & glitches. Slowing down helps. Being excited, or stressed, or extremely emotional really messes with me.

I am having trouble accepting that I can't move effectively, efficiently, and as fast juggling multiple things like I used to. On a good day - 3 things at once is pushing it!!     And with a cellphone, and sometimes both Hol & B being overly chatty texting at the same time, trying to actually read/respond to a post is a challenge.

Please rest, and take care - and try to come to terms with maybe not as frequent a connection schedule for a bit.

[Hopalong]

Thanks ((((Amber)))).

The thing is that aphasia is a distinct event related to blocked blood flow in the brain rather than a passing loss of focus on accuracy with words or writing, or even transient word retrieval issues, which are quite normal with aging. I've experienced the racing typos and glitches you mention but they're not quite the same thing, really. Everyone I know is aggravated by not being able to retrieve a noun or a name now and then. That's normal.

Whether stroke or TIA or cerebral artery spasm, aphasia in an otherwise healthy and not very elderly person is not psychological or pace-based -- in the moment, at least. This one happened as I woke from a long night's sleep. It wasn't associated with racing or doing too much.

Its key feature isn't getting your chosen words correct, it's in knowing where a garden-variety word is for an extended time, why it doesn't come up when you call on it. It's not normal-aging forgetfulness or short-term memory loss. It's more frightening. It's -- I have lost the capacity to communicate or even think clearly, which is the terror of confusion). I was disoriented in my kitchen. I had wandered in thinking of my tea, but the idea of knowing what to do and how to start, or even how to verbalize what was wrong, was something I couldn't organize.

I don't know, but I believe that this was a brief experience of what people with serious dementia must experience day after day. I'm incredibly glad it was transient. I'm trying not to think about how one day, with a stroke if that happens, it may not be.

Mercifully it was over and results were good yesterday. I'd like a better diagnosis and clear path if there is one, but there is nothing to prevent me trying to do better every day with the things I DO know to do.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

I've been away and missed your scare, ((Hops.))

So glad it wasn't a stroke.  Happy M was helpful to you.

Hear hear to editing out stress and risks. 

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Thanks, ((((Lighter)))), I really appreciate that.

You've been away doing remarkable things! Dizzyingly productive and creative. Bravo.

I'm much better and calmer and making peace with the small tweaks life done brung.
But I still enjoy reading about grander ones.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

It all sounds very scary, Hops.  I hope the tinnitus and pressure feeling ease off a bit (no, I don't think I'd have thought to pack ear plugs, either!).  Are they doing more tests in the hope of a more definite diagnosis or is it a 'wait and see' sort of situation?  Do you think there was any kind of warning before it happened, looking back, or did you feel fine one minute and then confused the next?  I hope you're feeling a bit better now and that Pooch has forgiven her late feed xx

[Hopalong]

The symptoms arrived as I woke up from a long night's sleep. And went in the kitchen, feeling wrong, to make tea. A challenge I couldn't manage because as I mentioned, I was confused. Immediately afterward I went to email (or here, actually, which was where I drafted a garbled line and never posted because I knew then I was in trouble).

I don't have a certain diagnosis but that's often the way when tests don't reveal one. I'll wait to see what a neurologist says when they send a summary. My guess is whatever it may have been, lifestyle changes are the cure anyway. Or there may be no cure but a twist of genetics. My mother had a big stroke, which is why I need to wake up and pay attention.

No more tests are recommended so far. I think I'm on my own about the self-care stuff I was talking about. Less worry and intensity, simpler space, and stress reducing measures.

It's likely that friendship and that kind inner voice and my T and exercise would do more for me than anything else. Just recognizing I was feeling unrecognized stress because of the pileup of Zooms the night before was interesting. Because as I mentioned, those meetings were very satisfying to me. But. They were all three quite intense, and that's made me contemplate how I actually am. Too sensitive to manage that much all at once.

No concrete answers and no certainty is just what life is, I think. Making peace with whatever is, is what I need to do.

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Hope you feel better Hops.

I get Tinnitus also, I assume it started with a stadium concert I went to when I was younger or chronic ear infections as a young child. For myself it seems that it's related to blood pressure/allergies somehow. I had not realized that tinnitus might be causing all these following problems. Who knew.

I found the following interesting:

Source is Mayo Clinic

Complications

Tinnitus can significantly affect quality of life. Although it affects people differently, if you have tinnitus, you may also experience:

Fatigue
Stress
Sleep problems
Trouble concentrating
Memory problems
Depression
Anxiety and irritability

[Hopalong]

I know, Posh, isn't it amazing what tinnitus can do?
I try not to think about it and can distract myself most of the time.
Often I have to fall asleep with the laptop still on if the volume is up.

Mine was caused by a 10-minute noise exposure about 20 years ago.
I was editorial director at a publishing company and for some reason
wound up going on an expedition to a paper company next state over.
I was the lone woman I think (or maybe there was one other) being
toured around the plant by about five male managers. I'm still mad
at myself for not speaking up. Anyway, we were guided into an enormous
space with about 8 machines each the size of a couple locomotives and
all were running. There were signs around about Ear Protection and I
did see them, but meanwhile the men I was with just stood there talking
and explaining and they had no ear protection so I didn't speak up. Rue
the day. Ten minutes later we walked out of that area and my ears have
been ringing and hissing ever since. Various drugs can make it worse too,
and what aggravates me is that so few carry warnings of ototoxicity, even
when it's obvious and the anecdotal accounts are overwhelming.

Ah well. Another life lesson. (Dear Universe: I've had plenty now, thanks.)

hugs
Hops

PS I can relate to that loud concert making you wonder. I remember being conscious of it once earlier when, OH THE IRONY, I was at an outdoor concert at my U's big courtyard and the group had the largest speakers I had ever seen and I remember the sound hurt. And they were singing some chorus that went:
STOP! POLLUTION! and I remember thinking then....uhh, what about noise pollution? So I was conscious of it back then, before the paper mill. But still stood there like a dodo, pun intended.

I so regret not protecting my hearing but we weren't well educated in how important that was. My ears are so sensitive now that I carry foam earplugs everywhere and often jam them in even in restaurants. Movies? Always. Doesn't stop tinnitus but stops new damage. Unfortunately I didn't think of taking them for the MRI. Hard to be organized when I'm scared.

[Twoapenny]

Amazing how one event can have such a long term effect, Hops, I would hope that these days everyone would be told to wear ear protectors and that would be that.  There are some advantages to constant health and safety intervention.  How are you feeling today?  It does all sound very unsettling but I think you are right - self care, spacing interactions out, exercise, T sessions, kindness - all very necessary but we do all over look them.  I'm glad Pooch is there to sit around looking pretty   I think there's so much tension everywhere just now that we probably all need to try to take it down a notch and acknowledge that for now we need plenty of quiet and easy to manage stuff.  I'm finding nature documentaries helping me at the moment; I usually love crime drama but everything made up feels less unrealistic than real life, which is weird.  So I'm finding the nature stuff soothing (and there is something very meditative about Sir David Attenborough's voice, just very rhythmic and easy to listen to).

I hope today is calm and soothing for you, Hops.  I do wonder sometimes if we're all very used to having to do something in order to fix things - but sometimes I think you need to not do things, and that feels counterintuitive? Anyway, I hope you are feeling better very soon xx

[Hopalong]

Thanks, ((((Tupp))))).
I'm calm and physically okay today. Just lonesome.
A scare like that heightens feelings of vulnerability but
I'm warm and safe. Mornings are a time I'd like to be cozy
with a partner.

The good news is we're having a big snowfall and the flakes
just changed from narrow skinny gray-looking ones to big puffy
fat flakes you could build snowpeople out of. Wish my back were
up to it but it's still a treat to watch it fall. I have a fence line with
tangled mulberry trees (they're always "tangled" so many people
scorn them, but I like their wildness and they rain free organic berries!).
They look magical in the snow.

Pooch comes dashing back in from her duty hopping around like an
excited kid. Now, plonk. Up for the first nap...maybe I'll send her back
out to make me a snow dog.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I'm watching the snow accumulate this morning too Hops. We're expecting 8-12 inches. I have a big fat Freddy cat FINALLY napping on the bed with me... Hol's at the hut being silly.

I've started reading the books B sent me about stories/life in the W. N. Carolina mountains. It's all familiar to me from many other readings I've done. He doesn't know that of course.    Not yet. He does know I lived in the state for 6 years and never got out there - and I'm expecting a tour someday.

Moved on to yet another period tv series: now I'm following the melodramatic adventures of the Poldarks. LOLOL. I'm just not up for anything much else right now. And I limit how much I watch... rationing it. LOL. I might do something today... I might not.

Stinker thinks he has superpowers - even with the dislocated kneecap, he jumps on top of my kitchen cabinets. And of course I display some old pitchers and other assorted crockery up there... so I've pulled all those down and will clean the tops of the cabinets again... wash the crockery... and wait for him to outgrow this stage or go outside.  Vacumning and dusting are available too... and that usually get me "editing" my space again.

Well, maybe some brunch or lunch is the order of the moment too. Perhaps.

Days like this are like floating down a wide slow river on an inner tube...