Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
I'm in closet cleaning hellll!
I'd rather clean out a hoarder house than edit my closet!!!!
sKePTiKal:
<Like>
I know the feeling! My wardrobe has been pared down so much, since moving here it all fits in a large dresser & half the space in the closet. I've kept a handful of "good clothes" & coats that are stored in an out of the way closet. I probably can dispense with those after 8 years of not needing them. I've always been partial to the "uniform" concept. Multiples of the same classic basics, some different colors. I check for fit of anything different that I keep for variety or special circumstances.
I no longer "dress to impress", but I do like what I wear to be flattering. There is so much freedom in appearance after a certain age! Pants/jeans & t shirts, waffle knits, sweatshirts. In the summer, longer shorts (good luck finding any! Mine are old) and more modest tank tops. The big change is that I seldom wear a bra - no minor decision with my heavy breasts. But it's been an "exercise" for years of experimenting with different styles to find something I can stand wearing all day... and no luck so far. I have one I can tolerate for 4-5 hrs max, then it HAS to come off! To the point, I'm thinking about experimenting with stays or maybe even type of corset. Halter tops used to be comfortable (altho not flattering at this age) so I've thinking about ways to keep what's good about them, but make them more comfy as undergarments.
Then I remember Amish foremothers and tribal Baba's... and realize this is hardly a NEW problem. And they didn't CARE.
Good luck Lighter! Just think - with more closet space you may be able to do some window shopping until you find something suitable for your lifestyle & personal style & body shape.
lighter:
I had second vestibular clinic appointment today and the gal was baffled, bc vertigo fixed, but another symptom worsened....feeling like I'm on a boat, at times, more or less consistently now, where aI was having symptom free days.
I have to say, it was exhausting. We repeated maneuvers, but added fixed eye head movements. We also used the goggles to watch my eyes in the dark .....like watching the half baked fly creature from movie with Jeff Goldblum.....did not like it.
Island cottage guest anxiously awaiting repair of wi fi services ...cable under the ocean is severed, so it's possible she won't have service at all over next month.
Oldest DD24 is at emergency room with her bf.....she just said she's his driver and is ok. I suspect kidney stones, but she's not telling.
Supposed to have them and various guests tomorrow night for dinner and Mahjong/games and bonfire.....maybe.
I'm in grocery store parking lot....going to fill water jugs.... it's 5:00 traffic and a firetruck just pulled in front of me with lights on. Didn't make me feel weird. Sometimes lights or sound will.
I want comfort. A latte, but too late for that. To know DD's bf is ok. To know they're still coming tomorrow. To know all the unknowns.
The power lines are all cut and hauled away behind our houses. It looks so clean and natural now. Will be good for sellers, even though they never had power, it looked unsafe, as power lines near homes do.
It is "kidney stone adjacent" issue, DD verified. Poor fellow.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Lighter, I'm really sorry about your wobbly head and concerned for you.
Everyone I know is petrified of visiting a neurologist but do you think it might be a wise next step? For oldies like me, it's fear of cognitive issues unfolding, but there are all sorts of symptom-causing quirks in the brain that can be treated quite straightforwardly.
Not a doc...was hoping it'd be a simple ENT issue. Can't begin to guess what might be the cause. Any chance a whole lot of combined supplements might be doing something screwy? I take about six a day but dunno how much experimenting you do? At times I've felt off due to the mix of Rx and supplements, and have pared it down a lot. (Not the Rx, which feel like a safe minimum for now, but some of the "I read/heard about this so I'll trust it" supplement adventures.) You are so careful about food I can't imagine you're not the same about supplements, though.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Ok. The dizzy T suggests a neurologist too, Hops, but get this......
The really needy dad was invited to dinner Saturday night. He was present when the vertigo began, at the lake, as were many other people.
Saturday I was ok, but had a bit of feeling on a boat. Not bad, just not as clear as I'd felt before the dizzy appointments, which seemed to cure the room spinning vertigo, which only happened when looking up hard or sometimes down. Confusing, I know.
So, I felt close to normal as I worked on dinner prep till an hour before needy guy arrives......and bam! Just the adrenaline and thought of crunch time and his arrival sent the "on a boat" feeling into overdrive.
I took the pug for a walk and wanted to fall to my knees, sobbing, but got curious instead. The feeling lasted through the evening, he left at 11:30....and I woke the next am feeling almost normal. Again.
There have been days of zero symptoms, dizzies or boaties going on.
As far as supplements, it might be more a matter taking a break from ashwaganda, Hawthorne, B and D vitamins since return from my island. I've started back, but not as regularly.
And......a thought can make it worse, still. In the car. It's not consistent. Almost like a little electrical zap to the nervous system.
I had a regular T appointment this morning and we were going to work with avoidance. Instead, we went into the "on a boat" feeling....where did I feel it? Above left eye to top of head, left side.
Bring presense and light to it .....
Ask what it has to say....
And ...
For the first time, there was nothing. Like the part was playing possum or asleep.
Really focused and a protective part felt like it wanted to slap me out if old habits and into being present always.
The sleeping part's eyes fluttered.... didn't open, then many many of my parts peeled away from me, into a circle, and chattered like the daughters from the EVIL series ...all at once with ideas and suggestions.
That felt like what I get from inviting parts to become allies, consistently.
T asked to focus only on THE current protector and wounded part ....a child.
I held her and the light filled her.....the energy and pain around this, mostly popping up in center chest, throat and skull) dissipated. T said she's (wounded child part) is going to require tending ...like a child in daycare. Checking in. Earning her trust.
She also said it's common for parts to become alienated, completely, and not understand..... they're not alone.
Since I usually have an easier time understanding the parts, this part might have been pre verbal, but that just occurred to me.
As of now, I have no symptoms, though I distinctly felt things shift in my brain when I went from standing to horizontal.
That's where this is ..... I'm allergic to what's likely a type of needy, pushy, selfish baby man requiring attention, nurturing and relationship I'm not cool with......and it feels like an allergy, as of Saturday night.....and also negative thoughts, typically those critical of self.....anger in the car.
There was more detailed focus on the wounded child than included. I might rewrite this later.
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