Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
Both girls are home....one has tonsillitis, the other has a cold. I'm busy making mommy food after an urgent care visit with oldest DD and a grocery trip.
Taking walks farther into wood's interior and finding downed trees cleared. So far, so good, even if looking up holds snapped and dangerously leaning trees everywhere I look. I try to be aware and ready to grab the pug and roll, but it's not a great situation.
If anyone cares, Aldi's has radiator and star shaped Italian steel cut pasta for 1.99 a bag. Super good deal, imo.
Stay warm.
Lighter
lighter:
--- Quote from: lighter on November 07, 2019, 06:11:04 AM ---One of the first things T taught me to do in her office was to return to my breath, cross my arms, and pat myself on the shoulders, left, right, left, right, and so on... like slowly patting a baby on the back, comforting them..... and I forgot about that one.
In this case, we worked on the people-pleasing behaviors, and where they came from. Once the emotions were present, we put the story on the shelf, crossed arms, began patting, and I thought of the most loving mother archetype, which for me wasn't a Saint, or Mother Theresa, but was someone I knew in real life. I pictured her face, and being in the room with her, the smells, the sights, seeing myself in her eyes, what exactly we were doing in that moment, and how exactly it FELT to be there.... visiting these things over and over, and it was super comforting. It felt like being home, and seen, and welcomed... like being known, and invited, and loved. It was powerful, and I always leave her office feeling such relief.
T said that this work goes on for hours after it's put into the computer/brain. The archetype represents our own perfect self.... we don't need the archetype to do the work.... we need to remember we're perfect as we are at our core, which is a Buddhist belief, and dropping the judgments, criticisms of others, and layers of negative core beliefs is the necessary healing thing leading to revealing our true selves... not healing ourselves, so to speak. I'm paraphrasing here, of course.
The conversation was animated, and exciting.... I'd bring up A, and she'd respond, explain how the brain handles and overcomes (when given the chance) then we'd go on to another point... we talked about freedom BEING inside us all. Nelson Mandela, and Victor Frankl. Nelson Mandela was angry the first 15 years of his 27 year imprisonment. When he realized he had control over his internal world, and freedom he shifted his life, made friends and allies with some of his guards, who later became cabinet members when he was in power.
She also said that it's not difficult to DO the work. It's how we judge it, and frame it for ourselves that creates the difficult emotions around it. Some Ts say it's "difficult, painful, will take years....." and so on. I've seen at least one T who said that to me. This T thinks that's untrue, and referenced a T client she saw the day before we met. This T had a huge painful complex PTSD issue she said she was just "so very tired of going over and over and over again....sick to death of it", just too tired to keep on trying.
It's amazing when we turn the healing process around, and view it as a revelation, bc we can heal in a millisecond, rather than continue retraumatizing clients over and over again with talk therapy that doesn't help the brain finish processing, and filing the emotions in past files. And we DO get so very tired of revisiting the stories, but the stories aren't where the healing IS. The stories are just doors to access the emotions, and sensations that require processing. The story isn't necessary for the processing to take place. Being able to put a story on the shelf is a huge relief, IME. Knowing I don't have to spend much time in a story is a relief. It makes the idea of a T appointment more positive, and about feeling better... not feeling worse as I go. The healing is in the emotions, the sensations, and nonjudgemental focus. The healing is NOT in the retelling of the story.
So, the T and her T client brought up the story for that client, put the story on the shelf, focused on the emotions, and sensations that came up, and practiced this cross shoulder patting, (there's a name for it I forget) and whatever that client needed in the moment. T client experienced huge relief, just finished the emotion, and left the office with a complete energy shift, all emotions around that trauma processed, and filed into past experience files. I've left there feeling so much better, I wondered if the negative emotions would return... but they didn't..not around that story, anyways.
We were talking about childhood traumas CPTSD..... an actual trauma, and then the nodes.... say a child was abused by a neighbor as the original trauma, then the child remembers the mother, her mother's absence, and lack of protection as a node attached to the trauma, and there can be many nodes attached to one trauma, layered through the years, and complicated.
The brain CAN process the trauma, and nodes at the same time.... time isn't linear, as Newton believed..... it's all right here, in the now. At this point, where our breath is. Albert Einstein's idea of space and time being interwoven in a single continuum.....what he called space-time meant events that occur at the same time for one person, could occur at different times for another person.
This is what I got yesterday.... the brain actually heals itself.... more than BEING healed by a T, or ourselves..... just as we heal our immune systems when we sleep, and our immune systems heal us when we sleep. We're creating an environment, removing stress, and allowing our brains and bodies to do what they're programmed to do.
I wish I'd recorded every session, bc I can't take it all on board, and remember everything she says.
So,again, for CPTSD there may be more layers of trauma and nodes, but it's interesting that not all traumas and nodes have to be visited individually to be healed. Some will be healed at once, just as some traumas can be healed through generations, for everyone through our family tree. We can DO THAT for them, and ourselves.
We do ourselves a disservice when we interpret T as something that must be slogged through, revisiting trauma stories over and over again, endured again and again.
We free ourselves to relief and freedom when we view T as easy.... as relieving stress, and providing opportunity for the brain, which we know precious little about, to heal itself.
Negatives beliefs, fear, and stress don't help the brain finish processing.
Peeling away the core negative beliefs helps in every way. Many, if not most of us, have no idea what's beneath the fears, negative beliefs, emotions, sensations and reactivity.
Many of us never get to the point where we SEE ourselves beyond the reactivity. Seeing the truth, without reactivity, is enlightenment.
::nodding::.
The session began with my noticing traffic snags didn't upset me, even though it meant I'd be late... and I like being early to consider myself on time typically. I just didn't react... I responded without upset, and noticed that happened for me without effort. It was really good.
In session I noticed my frustration with particular concepts, and lack of work in certain directions that seemed overwhelming when I viewed them as not yet conquered. How I often do work I see others would benefit from, rather than focusing strictly on the work that I benefit from as priority.
T spoke about the ego, and stories we tell ourselves being the problem. Typically ego is involved when we feel frustrations come up, if we check ourselves.... ego's present.
Feeling upset and angry in traffic is seeing the trees. Pulling back, seeing what;s going on for others, and self, is seeing the forest... not the trees.
The brain's pathways can be such that we react and SEE TREES, rather than gain perspective, emotional distance as a habit, and see the forest.
We work on building pathways that provide the distance, and perspective as a matter of habit, and default settings..... responding rather than reacting.
When we see ourselves, our true born pristine selves for what we are, sans the negative judgments and stories of others.... we experience truth, and that truth is enlightenment too.
The journey continues.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
With that repeated, I've been watching a Netflix series, on mushrooms, called How To Change Your Mind, Season 1, Chapter 3.....Chapter 4 is on MDMA/Ecstasy....I think.
Seems.....shutting off the amygdala creates a healing environment for the brain to process traumas and fears. That makes sense to me.
My Army Ranger buddy went through protocols at facilities utilizing micro and macro dosing. He said he experienced relief from problems he wasn't aware existed....and resolved them "quickly ". I assume in several sessions vs several years, but it wasn't made clear.
The journey continues.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I really liked re-reading this post, Lighter.
Although the mechanical details about the brain's wiring don't light up for me, the self-hugging/patting and letting go of certain feelings that do not help, really do.
Just imagining, ending the self-torture of constant criticism (of self and/or others) was a "lightening" thought for me today. I made a big decision that reverberates, but I can feel it reverberating less.
Thanks for this.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Micro dosing DOES work for some people, in some situations. I can't speak to Macro. In a way, micro dosing isn't that much different than the theory behind homeopathy.
It's one thing I know from herbalism, too. There are some herbs - as treatment protocol - that need to be ingested daily over a period of time. Those are usually low doses in tinctures. (Homeopathy again)
And I am pretty sure that there is a significant placebo effect. Doesn't matter; as long as it works you know?
lighter:
I spoke to retired Ranger today, about mushrooms, and he clarified...
"It might not happen in one trip, but if you keep trying, and get the dosage right, you can work through issues...might take more or less times, but I experienced huge relief."
Paraphrasing here, and he'll share more if I ask about it.
Hops, the brain and chemistry stuff makes my brain go WHEEEE! I find the patting and walking meditations/calming exercises go by with less excitement.l, for me. Finding them again and again, while reading old posts, reminds me they're available.....they worked before and can work now. I'd like to have a few very helpful ones on board, ready before I reach for them.... new defaults. Will see. Still working on it.
Amber, it's my understanding homeopathy provides some missing energetic piece, in one's system....to restore balance/promote balance? That's how I've always viewed it. As for placebo effect.... it's always been a huge YES, NO or NEUTRAL in my experience with muscle testing.
As for things I do on my own, as with the Heart Saver Plus......was it placebo OR was it something my body needed at the time or was the mindful self care act, of taking the stuff, releasing chemicals restoring short term balance in the moment? Was it a combination? I just tested that, with the lean, and it's a combination.....strong NO on brain tumor, btw.
I just tested myself for Heart Saver and it came up neutral.....not good or bad. I put it down and will continue to test regularly for it.
Ashwagandha came up 2 capsules once a day.
Hawthorne 1 cap a day.
B12 sublingual 2x daily.
Chelated magnesium 1 cap daily.
Evening Primrose came up neutral, but I take it to help keep ears wax-free.
D3, K2, Omega 3 MCT oil blend 1 x daily.
Probiotic was neutral for me....took it anyway.
Grassfed bone and marrow supplement 1 x daily.
Tested DD's zinc complex, just to see, and it was a NO.
I might go through old protocols and test for those supplements now, as my lean's pretty reliable these days. I trust it.
Hops, whatever you decide....has to feel right for you. Not anyone else. You.
Even if it's not ok.... it's still ok.
Lighter
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