Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
We had a girls sleepover the last 2 nights with one of oldest DD22's best friends... they've been friends since 4th grade. Youngest DD21 had one of her buddy boy friend's over, but he had to leave.... was very sweet, even tho he wanted to stay.
DD21 went out with the chef/security guy with all the social connections then spent the night at another bouncer's place. They plan to go to the guy's lake house over the weekend in SC and teach DD21 how to shoot handguns.
DD22's friend stayed at the house with me all day and we shared her distress over not knowing what she's going to do with the rest of her life.... asked if that was normal. We talked about what I leanred in T, went on a long walk in the woods and then she worked for a few hours and so did I..... my guests at the Cottage are arriving right now and I don't know if the caretaker will be there to greet them. I hope he is, but we expected these guys at 2pm and their flight was delayed by hours. Will see and hope and be ready to respond to whatever comes up. There's still no water, besides a weak daytime trickle filling the toilet and wash hands. At night there's NOTHING. Not a drop.
This is a father son looking to recreate a very rustic childhood experience on the island.... they felt the current situation would be exactly right for them, so will see. I had them cancel their Airbnb reservation, gave them a big discount and they'll pay the housekeeper cash, so that's something.... and they can't leave a bad review.
Will hang out in the West part of town this weekend with friends..... trying to eat prescriptively... not easy to do when there's a donut place cooking fresh donuts to order... drat! They do gf one day a week and I'm not telling how I know that.
Lighter
lighter:
I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed last night.
There was the usual bathroom anxiety and wait and that rolled into a meal, out, maybe in Paris, with 3 figures in black. There was a man who jumped up,, paid the bill then ran away and I followed him, bc...... the other 2 were friends........and as I turned the corner into another restaurant I asked where the man ran....and I said.... "he's my husband" ......a waiter pointed behind the stairs.
I walked to where he pointed and found another secret restaurant and the man in black, who I did not recognze as either of my husbands was there, smiling, happy I could see him busy at something good and clean and useful.
Dream flips into traffic scene and I'm rolling down a familiar downtown Ala road in the passenger seat of my late friend's Toyota truck.... and she's driving very agressively. VERY. A gold truck joins the crazy driving and now there are two of us driving like crazy and just when things are about to go head on driving into traffic.... we arrive at my friend's place and it's a dining room we walk into with the remnants of a party. She's very casual, picking up things and moving them and instructing me to take 3 of the leftover drinks and clean the glasses out.... we're going to eat together maybe or have a visit in this room and just as I'm rinsing the glasses out, a little heartbroken I wasn't invited to her party and wil never be invited again..... the Pug wakes me up and orders breakfast, which upset me, bc I really wanted to see my friend and talk to her. I don't know who the third glass was for... not the man in black. He didn' transfer into the dream with my friend.
I've felt a bit heartbroken the last hour, wondering when I'm going to take myself in hand and pull myself out of it... but just BEING in it for now.... missing her. I don't miss the man in black.
I want to say..... this friend was my roomate when my Bill died and we had a couple different eras during those years..... each was precious to me and I always saw the end of each eras coming. I'd stand in my house and feel into the moments with sadness, bc I knew things would change and I'd miss the way the air felt and the way our lives were in those moments.... and I did mss them.
I'm not sure where the dream came from but I'm missing her and what was lost right now. My brain is THERE.... still.... in the past and believes we were there. Longs to return. Is miffed at the Pug, still, for waking me up, lol. Lordy..... must get ready to go downtown in THIS town now.
Lighter
lighter:
Todaty was the day I sort of returned to mindful eating.....
picking up a piece of chicken and a handful of lettuce, cramming them into my mouth even though not hungry and getting the job done.
If i do that, with different ingredients..... good protein means unprocessed and as clean as I can afford it to be...... with mostly organic produce from Aldi's..... eating a lot, whether I want to or not..... that's what kick starts inflammation dropping from my body like alchemy.
It's a very weird thing to eat more more more and without missing meals in order to feel better and be healthier, but that's what wroks for me.
I'm still taking on a bit of dairy and fruits, which is sugar. If I make the next leap into eating pristine, I'll drop all dairy and every single bit of sugar with requires giving up all fruit and carefully reading every lable...... only one carb a week allowed with ONE meal, which. I haven't had a carb all week and not really craving them right now.
Man oh man.... when first giving carbs up tho......the cravings and habit to think and eat about them is HUGE.
I think adding one a week actually helps, so I'll begin planning that one special carb a week. I couldn't do that when i wanted them all the time time time time!
Back to forcing more food than I want and not being hungry/craving anything. If I get hungry, I know I didn't eat enough protein and eat more.
Lighter
lighter:
My oldest DD is sick now..... youngest just got over whatever it was..... bad headache, SORE arse sore throat and some lovely yellow mucus in the lungs. I know DD21 was at a Shrek Rave last night dressed as the Three Blind Mice with 2 of her buddies.
I'm dealing with whatever the crud is too and wearing mask in the house and vehicle with contractor.
Contractor doesn't really believe in masks and thinks I'm crazy, but he likes me.; )
Lighter
Hopalong:
Hope tests are negative and kids feel better fast.
Hang in there, Lighter.
hugs
Hops
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