Author Topic: Mindfulness and codependence thread  (Read 156040 times)

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1110 on: November 27, 2024, 05:44:42 PM »
Vertigo completely gone at times.  Noticing big feelings being it back today.


I made Greek Sammie's, salads and last night's homemade Mac and cheese for elderly neighbors.....vertigo completely gone for that.

Got mad at terrible traffic and people not thinking.....vertigo back, but still very externalized. .  like a reminder.  Not to STOP everything and sit me down, like before.

Walked pug.....zero vertigo.

sKePTiKal

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1111 on: November 28, 2024, 08:09:44 AM »
OOOOO that's interesting Lighter. You noticing when the vertigo "reminds you" what you're doing otherwise that you're not really paying attention to.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

We were beginning to grill/smoke brisket last night. Finally sat down together on porch for a catch-up & smoke when we both heard a POP. What was that? He put it down to grill heating up. Then the smoke was obvious; grill was on fire. He ran the outside steps; I ran inside & grabbed downstairs extinguisher. He'd already pulled propane bottle off (had welding gloves outside). Then he pulled the meat off (Amber runs upstairs for pan big enough to hold it & back down)... without propane, the grill quickly extinguished itself, although closer examination waits for light of day (glass in lid shattered; temp gauge probably gone; grill is toast).

Never felt dizzy at all in that "action-moment". Dinner is salvaged I think. He went to bed when I got up at 6:30. It's sauced & rubbed and back in a slow oven already... after he trimmed the char off last night.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1112 on: November 28, 2024, 08:13:59 AM »
Yikes, y'all are salivating through the screen!
(I need to clean my monitor anyway, LOL.)

So glad you averted disaster, leapt into action like Supergirl, saved the food.

I ate chicken intentionally. Didn't feel happy but did notice a subtle good change.
I know I am not getting enough protein. I have to learn my Instapot, which so intimidates me with its diggggggitalness that I haven't used it yet.

Lighter's lentils are calling and it's about darn time I made some. It shouldn't hurt my back much. That was the whole point of getting the thing.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1113 on: November 28, 2024, 09:39:15 AM »
Lots to unpack, Lighter.  Definitely sounds like focusing yourself and your immediate family is the way forward.  Which we all know anyway, but sometimes we all need that reminder xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1114 on: November 28, 2024, 11:16:48 AM »
I'm grateful for Doc G, this forum and it's members. 

Happy Thanksgiving, guys🕯️🙏🍂🦉🐝🐕

"Gratitude is the wine for the soul.  Go  on. Get drunk."

 - Rumi

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1115 on: December 07, 2024, 03:05:04 PM »
Hops:  My T was a vegetarian for a while and she noticed a decline in her health, general feeling of well-being and strength.  Her body needs class A protein, even though her spirit doesn't feel good about, like yours.

 I do adore lentils, but have a sensitivity to them!  Very sad about that.  If you're cooking them with the insta pot, use the regular brown ones.... they're yummy no matter how long they cook.  The orange ones  get starchy, like potatoes and the black ones are delicate and amazing when not overcooked, which is a trick to accomplish.

If you buy pre chopped onions, carrots and celery that's best for your back.

I can't help with the insta pot.  I'm afraid of mine too!  Haven't tried it yet either. 

Amber, the lake grill is coated in grease.... can't clean it, bc all the metal parts are a breath away from failing.  I need to pull it apart, order replacement parts and rebuild it as it's attached to the deck and propane. 

Quick thinking!  I'm glad no one was injured, including the brisket, yum!

Tupp, I have moments when there's zero vertigo and moments when I feel it in my eyes then moments when it man handles my brain and threatened to throw me sideways.  This morning, busy in the kitchen with plans to organize and edit in house....I feel very solid.  No vertigo.

Yesterday, roads closures all over the place meant I had to straighten up my approach 3 times while parking!  A regular parking jobVance visiting and normally bad Friday traffic was so bad Waze took me over a mountain to avoid it.  Was terrible to see all the flattened trees in that area.  Just me and 1 car.  Surreal....sad reminder.

Lighter




lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1116 on: December 10, 2024, 01:16:01 PM »
Today I noticed a visceral heat shoot through my face and body when listening to a news station refer to the assassinated CEO as a"healthcare".....
 professional? 
Worker? 
I can't remember what came after "healthcare," which snatched me right back to custody trial mediations headed by retired Judge(Paula Dean in vision and audio) her fingers on temples, chanting "forget the best interest of the kids, forget the best interest if the kids."

Not a happy truth.....more a big sloppy booger of truth in a "justice" system.......

::Noticing I should ground myself in the
present::.

::Noticing how the anger is really masking sadness::.

::Finding my ball of light ...noticing the sadness isn't quite ready to go::..

::laughing like a crazy person over the erroneous....selection .......
over the......
irony......"healthcare"...... "justice"::.


I've got stuff to do. 

::reflecting another moment::.

Some great big boogered up things are easier to accept than others. 

I know you know what I mean, ((Tupp.))

Lighter

« Last Edit: December 13, 2024, 05:55:28 AM by lighter »

sKePTiKal

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1117 on: December 11, 2024, 08:42:17 AM »
Yup!
I get what you mean, Lighter. It's all so surreal that cognitive dissonance doesn't even begin to describe it.

I'm reading a lot (fantasy fiction) and watching videos/tv. Staying the hell away from politics (gag, choke, I'm totally sick of it) and people's reactive "opinions" about it.

Life is more than politics!!
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1118 on: December 13, 2024, 05:50:58 AM »
Yes.... life's more than politics and God help us if we neeeeed everyone to change for little'ol us.

::warming to the idea::.

:thinking up a spell::.


       Banish co- dependency, BE GONE!

Did it work?

 I didn't hear a Poof.

Lighter

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1119 on: December 14, 2024, 12:32:38 PM »
It's been a whirlwind 2 days since I've been back from lake house.

Two vehicles in the shop for routine maintenance.  Broken windshield arm, needed a battery in the Yukon, another nail in DD22's front L tires....rotated tires.

Ahem.....the windshield arm was a $50 lesson for DD22, btw.  I asked her "bf" to clean my windshield while I cleaned serviced tires and cleaned windows on smaller vehicle.  He snapped the arm and DD22 saw, for herself, how....not competent he is.  They aren't seeing each other now or speaking, for that matter. 

Feels very.... trifling to write that, but we tend to treat everyone as part of our group/family..... there's a lot of trust handed over and..... some part of me is done waiting and watching.  There's more action and movement in these things now.  He was gonna trip and he did.  Over and over.  Just making sure DD22 understood that piece, clearly, along with everything else he showed her.

Wipers work amazingly well now, btw.

Need to get Christmas cards in the mail to day.

Experiencing little to no vertigo recently.  Had a bout of brain/eyeball vibration when contemplating God's judgement of my early childhood parenting skills.....stopped thinking about t it before things started to spin, so..... there's that.  Vibration went away directly.

I had a dream about late h....seemed we were both on medical tables.  He was still, eyes closed....but his hand moved slightl, fingers made contact with mine.  Felt like a request for forgiveness....an apology, maybe.

At next acupuncture appt I wanted to explore this....imagined sitting at his grave and was surprised when my spirit dropped down and his spirit sat up in his coffin.  We were about 3 feet apart ....and....

He was exactly as I remembered....I left as I arrived.....assume he's doing his own work, wherever he is.  I've never pictured him in hell or suffering, btw.  His mother told me girls he's in purgatory.  Maybe I believe that too. 

I wish I'd left it at the touching fingers.

Lighter



« Last Edit: December 16, 2024, 11:15:34 AM by lighter »

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1120 on: December 16, 2024, 12:38:41 PM »
Youngest DD getting over the painful rib situation from coughing so much.  She dropped a class, sans punishment bc the hurricane made it ok for anyone to drop any class.  Oldest DD hanging in there, just over finals.  Youngest getting hrough finals now.... anating a movie trailer she created.

DD22 and I hustled to make the 2:30 Nutcracker Ballet on 14th.....the majo roads were closed or down to single lanes and we were late by minutes.

FYI, they begin exactly on time and there's no light guiding your way in the isles when you're late.  I noticed the dance if the sexy maids was fully in progress as I lurched into the darkness, then squatted and froze, bc ..balance off and DD had rushed ahead of me.

The shifting gaze of seated theatre goers, onto me, got me moving again. Once I turned upward, I could grab backs of seats almost solely occupied by young children.

Hardly a cough or sniffles in the house.  I was glad we didn't need the cough drops I forgot.  At break DD got in line for cocktails while I hit the loo.  Every stall had a tiny pair of shoes inside the door.....adorable, well dressed children everywhere.

In line for cocktails" we learned wine and beer were only choices.  White wine it was.....no snacks....and..... were there really
sexy maids dancing?  Why, yes!  Yes there were.  We giggled about this as we remembered the dance if the drunk maid, very short pass across the stage before being dragged of stage right.....then......did that one maid really flirt with the toy maker?  And.....were we to assume they slept together?

Oh, hell no..... someone had monkeyed with everything.  The costumes, the choreography AND the story.  This wasn't our regular, very comforting Christmas tradition nope nope nope.

We assumed it was the hurricane and prepared to receive the second act.  Watching DD's face was much fun as her chin dropped and her hand flew to her mouth again and again.  Did we really see a ballerina lifted and swung, knees to her chest, and apart?  Yup, we did.  Many unpointed toes and unrecognizable Int'l costumes/dances later....it was over and seemed only half complete. Four people came on stage to receive credit for the production and DD immediately filed angered "Boots" or the youngish blonde in boots with the penchant for amping up the sex appeal i.e. the ,(jazz) rats were in leotards and sequins instead of their normal and amazing furry rat attire.  We thought they were cats, frankly, bc tiny mouse children preceded their entrance, in the dance of the cheese.  We were happy the cats didn't terrorize the tiny mice and I don't know when we figured out the jazzy lady cat, roughly my size, was the Rat King. We were immensely entertained by the Rat King....she was a good dancer.

afterwards, launched into peals of laughter walking to a nearby art museum.....amazing things everywhere!  Then giggled quietly, bc there were ballerinas and parents everywhere too, poor unhappy looking dears.

The Snowflakes had good costumes and choreography. 

I have 2 tickets still, best seats in the house, and will gift them to the grandma of my new friend, G....9 yo, adopted and in charge of her younger brothers, 3 and 4yo, being fostered in same home.  Her mother told her there's no Santa...."time to grow up."

I'm hoping G and her Grandma can use these tickets.  We're lucky the show went on, at all, considering the dance studio was destroyed, along with so many homes, roads and towns.

Lighter





sKePTiKal

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1121 on: December 17, 2024, 09:15:44 AM »
I'm sure the creative directors meant well Lighter. Something "fresh, unusual, light-hearted" to shake off the monotony of recovery drudgery. But I don't agree with throwing out the tradition with the bathwater. There would've been other ways to update & make the story "relevant". Of course, that's more difficult and harder to pull off... more of a challenge... and people are likely too tired for those kinds of challenges.

Around here, my step-D (Mike's D) set Saturday for a visit and dinner. With her new guy, and their combined 4 kids - 10 to 16. Hol & A are dealing with food; Hol insisted I focus on dealing with our own stuff - B's medical situation, the (now) 5 kitties... etc. It all sounds a tad "too much" for me... and B is absolutely not social - but he's done very well when he's chosen to be. Pffft! It's been 2-3 years since they've come out or we've gone there... so that frequency certainly isn't an imposition. So I'll clean house, make some more cookies, get some sodas/juice this week... and prepare to leave boys outside and put girlies away in bedroom w/litter box for the duration. Yes, they have animals too... so it wouldn't bother anyone... but my kitties have no boundaries yet and would be a constant disruption. B is obsessive about keeping them safe too... so that would be added stress. He doesn't need anymore of that.

And I'm sure it'll all be fine! We've been through the good, bad & ugly together... and it's great that A & Hol can see each other as sisters - A was an adopted only child and of course, Hol's been as abandoned by Amy (her real sister) as I was. It just means we'll be 7-8 in my smallish house and not a lot of room to spread out... except in studio. It would be great if C were here... but he's got things to do too and since S plans to be here with his dog... even tho Hol and C are getting ready to travel in a couple weeks after... sigh. I hope she told S that she changed her mind and it won't work for him to come "hang out" over the holiday. But it's not my problem.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1122 on: December 17, 2024, 07:17:54 PM »
Hmmm.....S. 
Hanging out over the holiday. 
With his dog.
Hmmmmmmm. 
Bc there's not enough going on, not enough animals and not enough for Hol to do with C and upcoming travel and holiday celebrations. 

Not gonna say anything, nothing at all, (cough/sabotagio,) just gonna keep me'pie hole closed, yup, yup, yup.

Not your circus, not your clowns, yup, yup, yup.

I'm glad you aren't feeling overwhelmed, Amber. Keeping your plate manageable sounds like good mental and physical hygiene to me. 

Must take notice and double down on the message.  Letting things go, be they red flags'a fly'in, have to's, or shoulds is an amazing, and deserved freedom, imo.

Again, can feel like flipping a switch for me.

As for the ,"fresh take" on the Nutcracker....I remain baffled. 
::picturing sexy maid, on floor, pretending to drink from what could have been an empty glass::.

Baffled.

If they couldn't pull the show together, why would they think changing, adding characters and impossible to decipher costuming could help the cause?

 Honestly, it feels a bit like an f u for supporting the school and ballet all these years.  I'd rather have watched the tiny children, costumed adorably, run around the stage while the 3.....
::putting it down now::.
::shaking head::.

It was memorable.

Lighter



sKePTiKal

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1123 on: December 18, 2024, 08:50:57 AM »
LOL... I don't always manage to maintain my distance or aplumb, gracefully. But when I can I do; when I can't - I can't. And that's usually because things are emotionally overwhelming; and I need to ask for some support and caring. Or take care of myself for a bit.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #1124 on: December 18, 2024, 02:11:52 PM »
It comes and goes....and that's ok.

:: dropping judgement. Again::.