Tupp, I really identify with your journey since we have been through some of the same things---and still are.
My first five years in this city were in housing that I really was uncomfortable in. It was impossible to function in a way that felt like me and I had to find a new way of relating. My home has always been the center of who I am, and to live in places that were so cramped and non functional struck at the core of my identity. It was very hard. I hear you.
It is better now. I still look back and try to think how I could have stayed more grounded during those years. I don't have the answer yet. I'm also aware that I am not getting younger. I may have to re visit that experience and I want to do it better, but I just dont have any insight at this point.
It's also a challenge when you have adult children who are not able to make the normal transition to independence. I really hear you there. You are constantly walking the tight rope between pushing them to be all they can be, and accepting that they may be currently experiencing all they can be. It's very hard. And you get very little helpful advice. I just want you to know that I get where you are.
I think the de-cluttering you are doing is going to be really therapeutic for you. The clear space gives you some clear mental space. I don't know why that is, but it is true for me as well. I have always been a "maximalist" more than a minimalist, but I am becoming fierce in my need to have uncluttered space. My whole self relaxes.
Thinking of you this holiday season and hoping the new year brings all kinds of new insights to you and your son.
CB
Thanks, CB, yes, it's different aspects of different things, isn't it? Home is such an important place, it's your anchor and your port in a storm and when home itself is stressful it's hard to relax and wind down. I don't look forward to coming home when we're out, even though I've made it as comfy as I can (and to be honest I've worked a bit of a miracle with it, even if I do say so myself!). But it's so small that it was only possible to put the Christmas tree up once we'd cleared out the stuff for the carboot sale, and now that the Christmas tree is up, the only place to put the clothes airer is actually in the bath tub. When I take it out of the bath because I need to bath son I have to put it in the doorway of my bedroom because there just isn't any floor space to put the thing down. Crazy that they can build houses this small and call them two bedrooms. Really it's one bedroom with a study. But - it won't be forever. We walked home past the homeless camp yesterday; they've moved the people in tents from the edges of town (there's an election coming up so the current party in power don't want evidence of the horror and destruction their policies have caused) to the wooded areas that lie between the pedestrian access paths that criscross the land between the different parts of town, and there were rats running between the tents and over their bags and piles of possessions and it was just such a horrifying sight so, I do need to be grateful for what I have without accepting it and doing nothing to change it.
But yesterday was such a good day! A friend has been doing some work from home for an online company and it's going alright for her so she sent me the info about it - I'll look into it as soon as these last complaints are written up. Son and I took the bus to the beach and enjoyed the views from the top deck and then went for a hot chocolate. We just missed the connecting bus from town to home on the way back so decided to walk and it was nice. Son did well and we've got a day off today so he can put his feet up and have a rest now. I did a nice dinner and prepped it all before we went out and I love to get home and just put dinner on, not to have to start peeling and chopping. So it was a nice day. Christmas prep is minimal and I'm on the case with it. I'm starting to feel less reactive about friends who haven't been very supportive, which is good. De-cluttering is a tonic.
