Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Doin's - 2020
lighter:
That's an exciting update, Amber.
Plans for the garden. Plans for adding more batteries, bc solar panels doing such a great job. Plans for Hol being in Hut very soon. Plans for handling her anxiety.
Most impressive is your serenity around so many moving parts and people.
Good choice; )
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Serenity? Maybe it is - but it wasn't intentional. Just what I'm feeling these days. More peaceful.
Maybe discernment helped; I'm seeing more clearly what other people own (or should be) and isn't mine. Conflicts are bound to crop up from time to time. For the most part - Hol and I are able to sort those non-aggressively. Not entirely sure all that caused this last batch to be so intense... but part of it, was confusion on my part - misunderstanding what was/wasn't personal to me - and being encouraged to "do something" about what is none of my business. It wasn't well-received when I clearly stated that had to be hard boundary for me... but then, they can like or lump it. :shrug:
Holly doesn't need to be parented to feel cared about and secure. Not at 42. LOL. I was more successful at parenting than that! LOL.
Finding this connection with Buck has helped too. I have a partner in crime again... and his viewpoints are usually helpful to me, sorting out the messy stuff... not gospel from on high, mind you... but gives me a few different ways to think about things - just like you amazons do. Coming at things as we tend to do, from our own experiences and views, is incredibly important when I'm thinking through knotty, murky situations. Even if it seems to not apply (when I look harder - I do see how it could, often times).
Buck is just happy to be around. The turn around I've seen in him, from being totally withdrawn and not wanting to burden people with what he was going through... to playfully engaging with our mutual forum friends and being pure joy coming in to my space... it's like we both are able to awaken life in each other again. Kinda cool... and different, in my experience, for sure.
lighter:
Awww... that sounds so promising for you and B, ((Amber.))
I think it's time for you to play.
And dance.
::nodding::.
Good for you setting a hard boundary. How did that feel? Was the situation new, or was it an issue you've faced before?
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Friend John was pleading with me to step in and interfere with Hol's relationship. That was a hard no. I had told him that before, but for some reason - probably some of his own trauma-related issues - he's been in some emotional-mental crisis this week. Up till now, he's been pretty steady and stable. I became aware of some triangulations he's attempted between Hol & me before too. Neither one of us women are letting him get away with that... and it must be frustrating.
With the states - most of them - opening back up again, me thinks it's just about time to write "The End" on this chapter of his "adventure" and journey... and move on to a change of scenery. This time, it's Hol's job - she just wanted to know that I was backing her up. All the whys & wherefores of why he's here in the first place gravitate around Hol and it would take forever to go through that story. Suffice it to say, there is a little bit "white knight" syndrome - and he perceived that Hol needed some help (she doesn't) and that he could be helpful here - which he has on some projects with me. But now we've knocked a bunch of those off the list... the planting is all me, and I don't want help with that. Unless it's Hol, learning the subtleties. Meanwhile, he's added a burden to Hol and if she's spending time with John - she's not with Steve. And life in the country is very slow... we have to make our own "fun" and "entertainment" here... we don't have anywhere to go & be entertained.
Anyway, this has been part of an ongoing discussion between Hol & me since she's been here - about some limits on inviting people here. Yes, reasonable sized special occasion parties are cool; and her good friends are welcome to visit. I like most of them. I like John - when his issues aren't out of control and beyond our talents to help. But in this state - he's not pleasant; and this situation as it stands isn't doing him any good. So it's her turn to deliver the ultimatum and move him on. And he wasn't invited; she DIDN'T ask him to come. He just arrived. Wanting to "help".
We had a very very good talk last night. Yes, she does have some issues in her relationship she's working on with Steve. But she's perfectly capable of handling that all by herself. That's why she's my "second in command" around here.
sKePTiKal:
John did take off; and we're all resting and just floofing about in the predictable peace. I'm refusing to worry about him, because I gave him every gentle opportunity for him to say what was agitating him and was able to be very patient that day; strong in myself. Some days, I can't. And I take things way too personally then. But apparently, he wasn't able to verbalize it.
Downton Abbey is the perfect ambiance for this quieter space I'm in as a distraction.
Buck is quiet too... but when I gave him a countdown of the days till he's here, he came back with hours, minutes & seconds too - "but, no one's counting, right?" LOLOLOLOL. I think his patience is finally fraying too. It seems we can go days with minimal communication or interaction... and then there is a flurry of intensity of it. That works OK for me; helps me get stuff done in a weird way.
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