Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Farm Doin's - 2020

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Hopalong:
Welcome home, Buck!!!!!

I'm very happy for you both, Amber.

And especially glad for you that you see the over-thinking for the impediment it is, and are working not to get stuck there. Bravo. Not easy to undo long habits but nothing like falling in love to upend a lot of autopilot stuff.

It sounds to me as though you both have such positive impacts on each other, overall. And what a relief that B is now aiming for a safe, secure military retirement (if I remember the bureaucratic weirdness right).

Hol moving out? Oh that glorious day. No disrespect to her and I hope she'll be very self-sufficient and healthy in her own nest, which you have beyond-generously made possible.

Heading to Baltimore as the pandemic surges again? Dunno about THAT....

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
It's beyond interesting - and explanation - to my usual over-analyzed degree Hops. The over-thinking was a response to emotional fear (this is too good to be true). And yet - all the intuitive/emotional side of me kept saying: he means what he says; you aren't imagining this or wishing it into being in your mind; it's not a fantasy/delusion... based on old dependency issues.

The way out was simply asking if he meant what I thought he said; and getting that answer.

It's funny, Hol moving out and into the hut. She's not far from the house; and I'm sure I'm going to see her frequently and just hang out or work together. And she's a professional texter. LOLOL. IF she gets a signal down there. TBD for the moment. For both of us, it's another "new" experience. We're both happy that we've made sharing a house work for so long with only a couple major blowups (we each have our own records) along the way. I've got a little more legal stuff to do - a land lease agreement - until she inherits the whole kit & kaboodle. I will probably make some provision for B... but it's way too soon to think about that right now and he might have his own druthers on that topic.

For right now -- the future is still the future, and until all the major "planners" are here... we're simply going to finish what's been started and get ready for winter. That starts in August, on the farm, ya know. She and I haven't even had one of our usual daydreaming, what-if pow-wows for a while.  And unless she decides to travel this winter - situationally dependent of course - I think we're all going to be hunkered down and cozy for the winter.

lighter:
Amber:

Have you decided what provisions, if any, you'll make for grandsons and other dd?

You know I don't expect you to answer that if you aren't comfortable doing so.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
All that legal stuff got wrapped up last year. Only have one more business "action item" to take care of and the land lease for the Hut... and I'm done. It's just insurance. Yes, everyone is accounted for in those documents. I got QUITE the education into complexity of legal issues and combined - not necessarily friendly - families when my Dad died...

As it stands - B was already in the picture a LITTLE, when I organized all of that and the lawyer explained some options that made sense in case things got more committed. B already knows all this. It was one of our first "serious" discussions. If I had inherited before I married Mike - I have a feeling I would've seen some things about him sooner. Like his addiction to flashy, egoistic, status symbol stuff. Even without direct confrontations, it still became an issue. I think we did OK with it - but then, he didn't see things the same way I did and pressed his influence on me. To keep him "happy" - even tho there simply isn't enough material things in the world to create "happy".

Wills & estates are always updated when there is a substantial change in someone's life. Beneficiaries on certain bank accounts even. This is the second time I went through the trust process and all that. POAs. It's because what I set up in NC, wasn't going to fly in WV - the bank was the trustee and they aren't even licensed in this state. Things would've been even more complex. There are even more things that can happen... should I choose to go that route... to solidify Hol's situation some.

I didn't know I was going to inherit anything. I had to scramble to learn about all this stuff; I'd just gone through my first mortgage process a few years before that. In two years, I basically self-didacted into an MBA level understanding. But I also found that the people who were in charge of helping settle my Dad's estate welcomed questions when you listened to the answers. I picked their brains pretty thoroughly. Granted, I'm unconventional (these days) in my beliefs and understanding. My business background was VERY old-fashioned and based on the simplest principles. But I've also brought some compassion into the picture too. Some different ideas about how to correct the greed and exploitation that's rampant - especially in big business - and make that work for everyone. After all - I was the one exploited the times I worked within the "system". I knew what needed to be different. I really think that's made our business stronger and able to make it through these rough times. And more & worse, I fear, is on the way... so I need to put on my thinking cap/mystic visionary cape and dig for some more ideas to add to the mix.

And I'm doing all this with Hol watching, absorbing, objecting, proposing, and asking her questions... so the transition when it comes, SHOULD be easier for her. She should be able to just focus on making the decisions - without having to do all the research into what the decision actually consists of, where the traps are, and how to look forward to consequences that don't show up for years.... as well as thinking fast on your feet, when the unexpected stuff shows up. As it always does.

Hopalong:
Oh lord, I'm so glad I'm not responsible for a huge complex of decision making and enterprise running the way you are, Amber. But reading all that reminds me that I've been making my 1100 square foot house and small personal goals into MOUNTAINS while you're actually carving out a complex and sustaining world on one.

I'm awed.

You also remind me that I need to update my will, etc. I actually added M to my health care POA and want to update that pronto.

I just have the law firm as my executor. Wish I had an individual I could trust with all that to help out D one day, but I don't. I had put in some restrictions for her because of her illness (one symptom is impulsive spending) but feel as though I should take another look at those. I want to ease her future, not make it harder.

And sorry for the hijack--I wanted to say how much I admire all you accomplish. It's mind boggling to me. Because you DO internal growing and working with just as much intensity as all the earth-moving, house-building stuff. It's astonishing.

hugs
Hops

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