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Farm Doin's - 2020

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sKePTiKal:
I don't know if it'll help Lighter... but Hol set up my garage - where the auto tools are - for him, with barely a "by your leave". It was another of her - this is happening - and the situation immediately went down the tubes. Yes, she has stuff stored there for now too. She can't stand to walk in there and look at it either. So he uses the tools from the large tool chests and just sets them down. Inside; Outside where they rust. (The infamous shovel DID show up again. It'll need some TLC when B get here, to get the rust off and put an edge back on it. I bought another one and HID IT. But the meltdown I had over tools was effective; even tho both Hol & I were afraid I was gonna stroke out right then. I just hate the meltdowns immensely. One shouldn't have to go to those extremes to get the point across that it's a BOUNDARY.)

lighter:
All that is necessary, to get a boundary across, is to enforce the consequences consistently, IME.   

Calmly.

Without emotion, but with conviction and follow through that never fails, IME.   

It's unclear to me whether S is still allowed to borrow, lose, misplace and destroy your tools, or not.

I suspect B will clarify the situation, when he arrives, if it's not cleared up before then.

You don't need a man to do that for you, Amber.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
The plan is - all his stuff will move to the Hut - WHEN the garage is built. That has not started yet. At that point, things will get locked. If they want to borrow something, the question will be asked THEN, when do expect to be done with said tool. Communication - as I've plainly stated in the basic farm meeting about how this CAN work - is absolutely essential around here, even over things like that. And since that's the last thing he wants to do - it's time for Hol to say, I'm not going to ask, you have to talk to mom.

Buck & I stayed up well past the witching hour last night... just being in our shared space - albeit at a distance. I really needed that change of scenery.

Hopalong:

--- Quote ---it's time for Hol to say, I'm not going to ask, you have to talk to mom.
--- End quote ---

Amen and bravo, Amber!

Triangulation is absolutely toxic and exhausting and I bet you are heartily sick of it (if not actually sickened by it).

So glad for you that you're renouncing the pattern. It'll take her a few tries but if YOU hold your own boundaries firm, she might begin to catch on.

Two forward, one back = forward.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Ya know...

it seems equitable and just, that if I can put up with how S is... and Hol does too (for now)... that they are going to have to put up with B (and his not being "like them"). I get a sense (no time to talk right now with her) that Hol gets that. As well as seeing that the list of accusations levelled against B, fit just as well -- and within our actual experience for that matter -- to S.

How easy is that for a solution? Assuming it's accepted, of course. Chances are, there is going to be continued resistance come up.

I can only take it as it comes.

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