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Farm Doin's - 2020

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sKePTiKal:
Tupp, that's exactly what we talked about when he called later last night. He's obviously bored and has been walking off a paced mile every couple hours in the halls. The nurses are absolutely beside themselves trying to find ways to help him. One brought him coffee last night after supper. They all know him, and care - because he's been there the whole 4 years once or twice a year, they've been in nursing school.

An ER doc I know from our other forum, said that this hospital & the docs embarrass him.

Our conversation later that night, was about him seriously considering speeding up his timeline to move and just which bridges to his life there he was willing to burn, just to get where people are more decent to each other. As you know, some of us don't do well with bureaucratic processes - especially when it involves lack of accountability and CYA and lack of communication/coordination in what is supposed to be a "CARE" system.

Sounds like he's willing to cut his losses and just get out of there, and get started all over again. He is concerned about coming here "hat in hand"... not having acquired his pension, freedom of insurance/choice of docs, and the proceeds of his half of the house. This is going to an issue with him; he's sensitive about being a provider. I've tried to explain that I don't see him that way and don't feel like he's taking advantage of me. It's an issue for me, too - because Mike was perfectly fine not having anything to work at and DID financially take advantage in ways I still resent. I should've been more assertive about what I wanted, instead of trying to let him satisfy his shopaholic happy compulsion. B absolutely can't NOT work at something. He'll go stark raving mad. Climb the walls.

I can most definitely keep him busy. And I have a very good contact for referrals within the medical system here. So I think we can get him healthy again too. Which is his major obstacle right now. It's going to be an ongoing thing; I knew that ahead of time. But he's not as bad off as the prevailing medical opinion down there seems to expect or even trying to make him into. :mad:

He's a "left foot, right foot", keep going forward guy. And that deep-seated provider mentality and must feel useful and productive characteristic is a good match for mine. We can carry each other, as needed, instead of one of us always carrying the other. And while for gov purposes he is considered disabled, there is no way this man is that disabled... he's better off now, than he was 20 years ago because of his determination to suffer what was necessary to get here. And I'm not going to let this hospital's sloppy and cold attitude about correcting THEIR errors finally demoralize him into giving up. He'll not be good as new - but none of us are what we were when we were 20-30. Even Hol is realizing that at 42.

Life ain't perfect. But if one can sit still and be quiet, you'll see that there are enough moments - maybe MORE than enough - that are close enough to perfect to compensate for the other crap we all go thru.

Hopalong:

--- Quote ---not having acquired....
--- End quote ---

is really

....not having YET acquired.... am I right?

If those are sure things then I wouldn't fear taking him on.
Are you sure? It's an enormous commitment. And maybe
it's just the right one, in which case, bonzai!

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Those are sure things Hops. Did my own research on that. Bein' it's the gov't... it's complex, convoluted and worse than any contract I've ever read.

lighter:
I vote B moves sooner than later.

I vote he gives up on his current clown posse medical system.

A wire....
left in his spine....
and the doc won't touch it.

Insane clown posse.
( Youngest DD likes that band.)

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
It is insane Lighter. Yesterday, they kept him prepped for surgery to take that wire/tube out... (a 180 from the impasse) and I just found out they didn't do it last night. He is going to try to get discharged around noon today... and there is no way he's keeping any appts associated with that place again.

We talked about it. There just isn't any point in him staying there and dealing with a "care" system that has made so many mistakes, it's almost killed him a couple of times. He'd rather be shot at than trust them again. I thought I'd seen the worst possible medical confusion dealing with Mike; but that was simply because of the profession's taboo over just saying to my face that he was dying and the best we can do is make him comfortable. What Buck has been thru takes the cake. But he's still hopeful, and overcoming to the best of his ability.

If he doesn't live there, the VA/DOD can't expect him to get care there. It's to the point, that I'm sure they resent the fact that he's gotten himself so much stronger than their expectation for someone in their 60s who's endured this type of injury for 20 years and found some "mind-body" ways to deal with the pain... that he's a threat to the steady insurance income they get from him. Yeah, that's really negative and judgemental and jaded/cynical. But that's what I've seen happen over the last 4 years to him.

I'll never understand why the least invasive/least dangerous treatments aren't used more often. Hol ran into that too, when she broke her ribs... they expected her to go to bed, even overnight in the hospital, and beg for pain meds and moan & bitch... and we went to pick up her meds and grab her favorite fast food sandwich on the way home. The doc couldn't believe she was walking about a mile or two every day with broken ribs. The mindset just can't deal with people who know their own bodies and knows how to make it feel better and don't just lay there and give up.

My to-do list is getting longer. I start the process of getting referrals for new docs here, from Mike's D. She's head of Trauma now... and probably knows the best spinal/neuro surgeons personally. Same same with the infection. And he's going to have to do all the navigating bureaucracy with military/VA... I don't have enough familiarity or patience for that. And then there are inside/outside jobs that HAVE to get done here for winter.

I know he is perturbed about needing to accept my help; he's all wrapped up in owning that role/image for himself. We'll need to have a discussion about male ego in general terms, I think. LOL. Followed up by the conversation about "keeping score". But this is what NEEDS to happen; get him moved and start the process all over with new docs, the 4000 page med history, the previous 42 surgeries and addressing the immediate concerns - and THEN coming up with a plan for ongoing medical support/monitoring. I'm not just going to "take over"... I'm just going to stop him beating his head on a brick wall without LETTING me help. He's still in charge. But I'm just as stubborn and hardheaded as he is... and his way of doing this isn't working anymore. ;)

The biggest concern is doing what is necessary to start the IV antibiotics to clear the infection. It's the infection that is the biggest threat at the moment. And it's not something he can just "live with". It's something that has to be addressed and if another surgery has to happen first, then so be it. Then maybe his idea of allowing a couple years to go by without any artificial devices is possible. It won't be, if the infection is allowed to continue.

ETA: I'll know more in about an hour.

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