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Farm Doin's - 2020

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Twoapenny:
Well whatever is going on, Skep, I hope things settle and get sorted out for you, personally and with the business.  I think you deserve a bit of plain sailing from here on in xx

sKePTiKal:
ME TOO, Tupp!
Thanks.

Hopalong:
((((Amber))))


--- Quote ---I feel like we have to talk. He's indicated he has some things to say too. Nothing "bad"... but ....
--- End quote ---

Maybe making "we have to talk" the backdrop tilts this toward a negative or something "bad"? It's a famous line for relationships in trouble or impending breakups. Of course you will talk, you both have a lot to share and catch up on. You'll know whether his messages are reassuring or the opposite. But imo, you don't need to know before it happens, hon. You are strong and mature and can take in the present. I think it's anxiety talking.


--- Quote ---I'm feeling confused, I think I know why - but I'll only know for sure when he's right here. I've already started my "preamble" to that conversation.
--- End quote ---

Just an idea: doesn't a "preamble" perhaps tilt the whole talk in a shaky direction?
My thought is: just be present, be honest, be yourself. Perhaps: Don't prepare a strategy or a speech. You two CAN communicate. Let yourself breathe. Trust yourself that you can and will cope with whatever rises up. Preambles and strategems and speeches are for courtrooms. (Nothing wrong with thinking about a specific statement or two you want to be sure to get off your chest at some point. But remember if you forgot one, you could always come back to it, right?). Summit meetings are for countries, not happy couples.

To me, the following is where you got down to it, and I totally get it. This is real and so normal. And, simple, elemental, and so honest.


--- Quote ---I'm excited to see him again; but I'm also holding back my feelings because I'm afraid of being disappointed again.
--- End quote ---

I know! I'll write you a script! No preamble, appointment or pledge needed!

"I'm so excited to see you again. I'm also holding back my feelings because I'm afraid of being disappointed again."

Genius. Whoever came up with this? Oh right, it was YOU. And maybe this is all you need to tell him at first.

hugs
Hops

lighter:
It's going to be OK, Amber.

Just go on and be your wise warrior self and B will be his.

All will be well, even if it's not what you were expecting.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Think I had a panic attack yesterday; or maybe just amped up anxiety is all it was. B called from the road already, and just talking to him helps me calm down.

Since the weekend, I've been busy, excited, planning little "surprises" for him... deliberately not putting together a "honey do list"... because unless he starts getting restless, I just want to spend time with him. There are a couple outings on the agenda - but they're optional and mostly just to get him acquainted with the area.

It seems whatever emotion I'm having - it's not just a mild feeling. It's intensified up to the maximum right now. Like a thousand volts of electricity running through me. I still have enough to keep me busy today - and not just let myself dwell on feelings. But I'm not ruminating on anything. Not even really THINKING right now. Just keepin' moving. It's not a state I'm in very often. New and different. No point in analyzing it either, I don't think. Just let it be what it is and maybe later on I'll have a clue or theory about what's going on with me right now.

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