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Farm Doin's - 2020

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Hopalong:
I'm super-sorry the virus has hit your daughter, Amber. That's nerve-wracking. What is her job in health care (and is she healthier herself now?). Many good vibes heading her way. Do you mean by "spelling" that you and Hol will be going to her home?

I am very impressed by your honesty and openness about the bout of anxiety and irritation you had over the waiting time with Buck. And his response to it. I hope you won't bash yourself too much. You really have knit the reasons together now (echo of Mike grief, early abandonment wounding, insufficient self-care due to Type A Farmer behavior--okay, I made that one up).

Forgive yourself, make whatever amends you think you must, and you've already moved on. I do think it's a hint that self-care could include supportive Zooming with a smart counselor though, if you're interested. Might drain off the edges so both the waiting and the adjustment to your new shared life are easier and happier. ??

Speaking as one who permanently benefits from therapy. And who may Zoom it forever. I no longer believe I'll ever be rid of all my early wounds, and a happier life is about accepting there will always be vulnerable places (and some triggers). So, I commit to healing all I can--which can be a LOT, protecting the rest, and continuing to grow.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Funny you should mention the life-long need to deal with those issues, Hops. I had a similar thought, rereading my post searching for the inevitable typos.

Right or wrong, my choice about that is to simply accept that I have old injuries - like my rediculous ankle - that flare up from time to time. I choose to try to live with it. Because I don't think it can be "fixed" or will every go completely away - no matter how good I get at recognizing the signs. How much practice I have. Truth be told, I'm a tad proud of my scars. (Go figure.) Those old injuries are now part of my character - the story of "how I got to be this way" - like some people do with tattoos.

Most of the time, those old wounds only bother me because I can manage them, most of the time; I know what works - most of the time. And I've chosen to bear those myself without looking for someone to "take it out on". I am conscientious - again, most of the time - about not spreading that negative crap around. But we is all humanz.

And my priorities were amiss, my expectations too high (from Buck), communication too terse, by putting myself completely at the bottom of the list during the holiday. It's a CHANGE that this year, Hol & S are in the hut; doing their thing for the holiday. I wasn't excluded and invited more often than I accepted. But hey - that's all part of what went wrong. LOL. And while - by now - I should've seen this coming; I just didn't.

No permanent damage done; just more bumps & bruises. Un-necessary ones; but life happens.

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