Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Doin's - 2020
lighter:
Amber:
I'm confused about Hol giving up the job, Buck putting off the visit and John, in general.... I missed anything about a blow up with Hol.
It's concerning. You've been concerned. Seems reasonable to me.
Hol's bf's not being there for Hol..... Holy Cow. Esp as she's trying to get pregnant with his baby. Maybe Hol will feel this lack of support and project herself into the future, raising a child, with someone who doesn't show up. Why doesn't she feel she deserves better, Amber? Why is she working so hard to make her relationship into something it's not? So much denial, and defensiveness and picking up slack for someone who seems unable to connect or carry his share.
I'd be fighting anxiety back too, Amber. Good on you for recognizing lack of self care and worry about other people's stuff needed attention and correction.
::sending Buck healing light and faith you can take care of yourself in this::.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Lighter - I'm gonna admit I'm kinda confused too. Especially the Holly situation. I HOPED we had talked things out; she had gone away to ponder and show the kind of solid good judgement she's known for...
it IS possible that the 9 yrs in an abusive relationship has impacted her self-worth more than I realized (or she would admit). But all I can do is gently make note of the possibility - and then turn over "doing something about it" to HER. But there are multiple things to worry about. She would've been working with a lot of friends she's known awhile on this production... and instead chose more isolation here. (Which is totally out of character for her; I'm the hermit - she's more a social butterfly.)
Buck will know Monday; or at least know MORE about when he'll be able to come up. They'll probably do another blood test to ascertain infection level. He is feeling better; the meingitis has cleared; he hasn't "crashed" in the afternoon/evening with a fever for a week.
Tonight's another Outlander episode... and Monday I have plumbers and contractors again, before they move on to other jobs (Hut's plumbing/electrical is just waiting on some solar parts). I am very very very tired. So, shrinking down into my space for a bit.
sKePTiKal:
More hospital organizational confusion for Buck. More poor communication. Within this cobbled together system with the VA... one of his docs was supposed to be the "primary". There are 3 depts he's been a patient of: the neurosurgeon, Pain Management, and Infectious Disease. The surgeon WAS his primary and last week, released him. Neither of the other two will claim him...
and now the hospital's NEW procedure (unannounced change) is that only the primary doc can prescribe Rx - including painkillers.
Buck hasn't been taking ANY beside over the counter NSAIDS; and his BP shot up dangerously high -- due to pain. His cardiologist is apparently in another system. And he will prescribe enough to keep B's BP somewhat closer to normal. It's been some years ago now, that he had to have stents. And he's learning to drop it with intentional relaxation.
Buck doesn't want to have a thing more to do with that hospital anymore. They won't treat the infection, the recurring meningitis except to exacerbate it or do a thing for his chronic pain. He'll wait till he comes here - after his training this summer - and find new docs.
But the new wrinkle is that he is a 3rd tier contact for Coronavirus (and he's stocking limes for it - LOL). His D is going to prom with 3 other girls... and the poor man has been taking the group shopping. Last weekend was shoes. One of the girls in the group has a relative that had contact with someone who contracted the virus on the other side of the country. Despite age & previous health conditions... there is a good probability that he will NOT come down with it. STILL...
the man is a magnet for stuff happening to him. He must've been very bad in a past life to have karma like this. LOL.
I've had an extremely taxing week - emotionally. My friend Debbie is here for the weekend. And I'm really really hoping the contractors don't show up today... I want to have a slow morning or 3 and let my OWN tension and BP and anxiety go and relax too.
Hopalong:
I cannot fathom how profound your and Buck's frustration is over his inadequate treatment, Amber. It is excruciating to even read about, and knowing you love the man....words fail.
I am so very sorry.
This is taxing you at the deepest levels.
Much less poor Buck. Dammit.
So glad you have a friend's company right now.
I hope you soak in the support and care.
You deserve it. Lots more of it. Lots more often.
(((((((((Amber))))))))))
Hops
lighter:
Amber:
Sometimes I think I'm reading old posts, bc there are so many medical snafoos in your postings.
I'm shocked B is so robust and active with everything going on. I'm afraid he's going to go and go until he's worn himself beyond repair, bc he's so tough but I really don't know.
Those patients who wail and carry on dramatically might get more attention, IMO. Maybe those hiring attorney advocates? Not sure about that, but I'm shocked more doctors don't end up threatened into right actions by super deserving vets who know they're being harmed and shafted by the system AND the docs in particular.
I don't know. I do understand the frustration, justice denied in abusive systems and feeling at the mercy of.
Rest. It's snowing here... high winds... feels brrrr freezing cold right now, but in 40s. How is weather for you?
Stay warm and enjoy visit with friend.
Lighter
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