Amen, Lighter!!
Hops, it's very much like the beach & ocean... we pull back into ourselves... and then return to us... sometimes there's an event that affects the timing of it, sometimes it's just like breathing of the earth. He's been alone 18 years; 4 for me... depending on how I count. Sometimes I count it 6 years, because of how Mike withdrew from me.
It's common for military guys to not be able to talk about what they're doing or where. A good part of the "scandal" surrounding Ollie North, was he broke that code. In addition to revealing what the US was up to with the whole Iran-Contra mess. As for not being medically retired already, his records being screwed up - apparently lost - that's also a common thing. He did find out that his active CO, is the one who pulled his records. In his case, it's his hands on skill and particular knowledge set that was a scarce commodity. So someone somewhere in the course of things, decided to hold onto his records - just in case. He is the last one left with this knowledge that is anywhere physically close to being able to "train the trainers". As it turns out - yes, they DO want to preserve that knowledge & skill. And pass it on.
There is NO ulterior motive or game-playing involved in this, that I can find. I'm just as able to see red flags as you are even if fewer things are on my "serious problem" list. There are things I'm keeping an eye on. The disparity in finances is one of them - both his sensitivity to "making his own way" and my ability to solve roadblocks by writing a check.
For this particular national crisis to hit - at this time - its stressing my patience. Whether it's true or not, or just plain fear... my need to have him here, even if just for a visit just went off the chart in the past week. I was able to put it in simple language - strip out the crazy emotional janglies associated with it - and just let him know. I am perfectly capable of doing what needs done around here... or I would be, if I wasn't spending all my time required to pay attention to the stress, upset, disillusionment, and existential angst of the younger set around me.
This week, I'm taking issue with that "requirement" part. Remember all the comic strips with some guru on top of a mountain or in a cave... and a seeker, asking "what's the meaning of life"? Yeah, I feel as though my daily existence is a constant IV-drip of trying to teach that to these adult "kids". They are trying to work it out amongst themselves, too... and I'm being more selective about when I participate. But I'm starting to resent it. It's kinda like what GS talked about years ago - about obligation; one that was simply expected and not negotiated or agreed to.
So, I'm giving myself enough time/space to let all the psyco-babble die down out of my head... look at MY requirements... and then I'm going to present my case for changing a few things up, for the duration of this lockdown. WV isn't ALL that locked down. Commonsense measures are being taken all around, but the main one, is that we simply don't go out gallivanting around much. We're homebodies. And someday soon, this lockdown is going to be over. While I don't expect things to go back to "normal" - the way it was before, 100% - there's a D, that I know NEEDS to go back to work, of one sort or another. Same with her pathetic excuse for a boyfriend who isn't really meeting her needs. She also has more requirements of her, due to her DUI. We're not entirely sure how much is OPTIONAL, and how much is mandated... and nothing is really functioning in Va. So - in limbo mode for the time being. Her friend John, while willingly and pleasantly helpful, also a has a life of his own to start moving forward on.
IF Hol & Steve choose to stay together, then I have a very specific list of do's & don'ts which I expect to be maintained religiously. It's a matter of respect - for our tools, our work on projects, and each other. If that can't happen... then I'm tempted to kick them all out. LOL. Even with the Hut nearing move-in ready completion. (I so sincerely HOPE.)
The reason for all that - is because I was hoping to have my OWN life; separate and apart from being "mom" or the "matriarch" who is making all this possible. And it doesn't involve nurturing the neuroses of these GenX cynics, who are still not really get that life doesn't ever really CHANGE. It's just changes it's appearances. What was true a thousand years ago is STILL true today. Despite theories of "evolution"... the human condition and human frailties and human creativity & capability are STILL the same.
I don't where they got the idea that an "ideal world" could be made possible... but they sure don't want to hear anything that I KNOW is reality and just accept that. It has to become a cause, a movement, to change things. Just doesn't happen at any level that is perceptible to people.
I'm also getting more than a little tired of the canard, that online friends aren't really your friends. Witness our little group here. I really HOPE Hol in particular, is required to do 6 months of therapy with this woman T that confronted all her hostility right from GO. Hol can't stand her. I think that's absolutely a really good thing to being working through some of Hol's deep issues and is what she needs. Hol NEEDS to be more actively engaged in her OWN life -- and keep her nose out of other people's lives -- since she doesn't appear motivated to change any of the things in her own, to create more balance for herself.
