Modifying this thread to include the important fact.....I typically pass out around needles. Since I was very small. My Therapist says it likely started before a nice nurse shook a freshly drawn vial of my blood in front of my face....likely bc so asked about it without fear. I just blacked out and that's my earliest memory if a pattern plaguing me my entire adult life.
Typically, I'd warn a nurse I needed to be flat for a blood draw, etc. Some cheerfully complied. Some scoffed and insisted I wouldn't pass out, then frowned judgmentally as I woke up on the floor....I really hated that feeling of blackness and sickness and feeling out if control as noise faded into the background. Being swept away....plucked out of the situation by what my therapist and I understand is a much younger, very protective Lighter.
And it wasn't just shots and blood draws....I remember having to stop several times in a hospital hallway when my father was post op from brain surgery....,and things weren't going well. It was the hospital smell and the stress, combined.
In recent months I was triggered by something legal and had difficulty staying conscious while driving....iddly, I was mindfully breathing and it just backfired. When I got to therapist appt that trend continued....I was merged with young protective Lighter and she wasn't prepared to give me space or face the upsetting topic. No matter what we tried, the same thing continued happening.
I want to say....befire I made went to the blood draw appointment in the next paragraph, my T worked on finding my happy place and calming my Nervous System so I could give blood without upset....and that's what happened, despite it being early Covid days on a blood bus, everyone masked and eyeing each other nervously....oldest DD and I gave bloid without incident....in good humor....it was sea change for me.....DD has always been a champ with needles, bc I didn't want my girls to be afraid, like I was. I chatted the girls up about how lucky we are to have medicine and good healthcare before every doc appt....they believed.
OK. I signed up for oldest dd's highschool blood drive. It's not something I'd normally do, but I haven't been active at school lately AND I just DID it.
BOOM!
Done. Got my barcode by e-mail along with my appointment. Felt SO good.
Then I started fretting about what ifs.
Suffice it to say I found myself trying to problem solve from fight or flight mode and was super upset. Angry accusations of psychopathy dancing in my head. Not productive, to say the least. This is around my need to be reclined when giving blood or dealing with needles going INTO my body. It's something I've dealt with since I was 5yo or so. There was an "incident." Now I'm sensitive to these things, the smell of hospitals.... medical things, but I deal with it.
I checked myself. Brought up Hopsy's assertive information. Read through it several times, calmed myself down and found I could find level words AND manage to keep my sense of humor around any situation I might encounter.
Before....
not so much.
I notice I shifted from expecting good things into expecting bad things.... like in the past..... then back into good things again, which is where I want to stay. Life's better here.
if I get a belittling nurse from hell I can speak to her with compassion and honor myself, sans drama.
Piece of cake: )
Thanks again, Hops.
Lighter
