Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Coronavirus
lighter:
Youngest dd and I went out of the house today. We dropped a package off at her friend's house, then went to Aldis together. DD drove..... she wasn't comfortable at all... it's been a while since she's been behind the wheel. We need to go out and practice to get her comfortable again.
Hops, I'm afraid your wish for me to stay in got me thinking about what the girls would do without me. I want at least one of them to know how to go into the world safely, and by safe I mean masked, splash guard, gloved with antibac wipes in hand to wiped down food items and gloves constantly, then get through check out, and into car and home. It was very stressful for dd and she's napping now. She always took it seriously, but seeing people NOT take it seriously was horrifying for her.
More and more I'm releasing expectation and outcome for my children. It's new. It's freeing and it's time. I notice how I'm staying still and quiet, which translates into their moving and doing for themselves more. When I tell them to do do do.... they do less. If I say it once.... then step back, they step up.
It's interesting to SEE my part in how quickly they mature or don't.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Is grocery delivery available where you are, Lighter?
It's a shame to think of your DD feeling horrified about near-hazmat preparations for going into a store. Sounds like you've explained precautions well enough, but can you not find ways to Stay Home instead?
This pandemic won't last forever, and though we do need to prepare our kids for the real world, perhaps preparing them for a pandemic apocalypse just introduces a lot of intense fear, that they maybe could live without? "Horrified" is a painful state of mind, I hate to think of it. Especially for a young person.
Unless there are urgent compelling reasons for the excursions, which there well might be. I just don't know anyone else who wears face shields and uses ozone machine and all that you do. And how frequently you seem to go out. To each their own though, and I don't fully grasp your situation. Maybe you're in an isolated area that doesn't offer delivery or ordering ahead a week by...Amazon, say.
It might mean you're the best prepared person I know and you're helping your kids survive! Just as debbil's advocate, could it possibly also mean you're sharing some habitual fear with them? Any of that might not really be pandemic related?
Reasonable fear creates reasonable decisions, imo. I make tons of mistakes myself (such as tripping over a big box I got safely into my home but left in a stupid spot). Now I pay the consequences.
NOBODY gets this perfect, I'm sure of that. The pandemic just seems to bring parts of ourselves into relief. I'm not altogether liking all my discoveries about my tendencies (in my case, very differently, to underperform), that's for sure.
Take any insight that rings helpful and ignore the rest, please do.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
DD needed to drive AND had a package to deliver to a friend. She's not so steady driving, bc she hasn't been practicing so I went with her. She was shaken up.... she scraped a tire against a curb and downtown was all but closed up.... homeless people on so many corners. This was dd's first time out of the house/neighborhood. I think anyone would be shocked. She didn't want to drive after leaving her friend's house.
The horrifying part wasn't wearing protective gear. It was watching people out and about being careless. People with children. She was ready to go home when we left Aldis. Didn't feel well at all.
As I said.... I think she was in shock, literally. We're working on breathing and she's listening to what happens when anxiety and fear take over. She's interested in learning how to calm herself.
To be clear.... I've spent too much time sheltering both girls. I notice when I want to keep doing things they can and should do for themselves. I can rationalize it.... they'll be gone soon... in college..... all grown up, but that doesn't feel right. Letting them learn and grow feels right.
I stop myself. I think about teaching them more. I realized, after your post about wishing I'd stay in more... that I hadn't prepared the girls to go out in any way. It's scary when you don't have a system.... when you're shocky.... when others aren't being careful.
The shock is a problem. I want them clear on safety and their right to keep themselves safe. I want them comfortable and capable of doing what needs doing. That takes practice. It helps to see someone else do it. Knowing what's out there, now, is a necessary thing, IMO.
As for the delivery services... they're a week out and a lot more expensive. I used them early on and put much of those orders in reserve.... lots of dried and canned goods. That's a necessary thing.
Going out once a week means we have fresh foods when we need and want them. The girls are planning meals and engaged in meal prep. Lots of dancing in the kitchen and enjoying food. There's comfort in that.
We're running the vehicles... they need to drive more than they have been.
I agree there's no perfect way to get through this and understand your concerns.
The way I feel about it dropped like a penny and my gut just clicked.
The girls are going to get stronger and grow up a lot through these months. I understand why I held back before.... their bickering was so distracting and distressing.
I'm not holding back now.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: CB123 on April 30, 2020, 06:54:58 PM ---This has been an interesting week--on Monday, the governor of our state opened retail for business and my 2 kids who are nurses were horrified because they are still seeing a lot of COVID patients, and more all the time. My doctor said that I should not go back to work, so I called HR and they were surprisingly accommodating. I will get all my accrued time off and they are officially laying me off so I can get unemployment. So this will not be too bad at all.
I was going to start my unemployment claim today, but felt frozen at the finality of it, so I put it off til tomorrow. I don't think I will end up going back to this company since part time is not going to be available, and that's what I'm ready for at this stage in my life. So all of this is happening in terrible finality and all very quickly without much time to process the total change I see in my future. I am not grieving the job so much as I am feeling a little off balance. Today I mailed the store key back. I could have driven up there, but I wasnt ready for that.
I think I set it up for a pretty good launch since I didnt burn any bridges until there was nothing left to do. But we are in such a strange no man's land right now. The COVID rates are going up in my city daily and I think everyone knows that it will lead to another shut down in the next month. So everything feels unbalanced there as well. My kids are okay except half are sheltering in place alone and that is stressful. We talk a lot though.
No projects right now--just reading, some organizing, cooking meals and talking to the kids. I had never finished getting my art supplies organized when I moved in, so I have finally gotten that done at a built in desk and cabinet that came with the apartment, but I probably wont use it for anything else, so maybe I have an art table already in place??!! I havent even thought about art projects in years because I have used up most of my creativity at work for these past 6. So now I'm going to have to re-think that. There are a lot of teaching videos online--so many I can hardly choose what to watch. I am watching an acrylic painter that paints flowers so I'm thinking that might be what I begin work on.
I'm kinda surprised how fast the days go by and that doesnt make any sense. I don't have to do much food ordering any more, just keeping up with things as they run out. Maybe one delivery a week. I'm also amazed at how much better I feel physically. Most of my fibromyalgia pain is gone and all of my foot pain. Hops, that place on my leg that I banged when I fell a year ago still gives me some trouble. Someone told me at the time to not be surprised at how long it takes to heal. Guess they weren't kidding, but I'll give you the same heads up!
So I guess I don't have any complaints except feeling a bit like I landed in a foreign country and I'm not sure what to do next. I'm like you, Tupp, I am just doing whatever I feel like doing at the moment and feeling pretty good about it! I have the same happiness that you do with your son about my own son. He was ill for so long, but is doing better and finally has a remote computer tech job, so when you talk about how relieved you are that your son is doing well, I know just what you mean. The relief is so profound, it's hard to explain it.
CB
--- End quote ---
I think the not knowing what the new normal is is very hard, CB, how do you prepare when you don't know what's coming. They will need to start re-opening businesses - people here are really starting to go stir crazy and then you get into that thing of how much more damage do you do by people not going to work, being isolated, businesses going under and what have - linked to the fact that, because they haven't got it under control yet, the infection rate will just leap up again as soon as more people start to mingle. And then I know that for people at risk (like us) that means us staying in even longer. I think realistically we personally will be looking at shielding for a year, if not more. It's all been so badly handled and people keep saying it's easy with hindsight but they knew it was coming and so many of them, various countries, just seem to have ignored it. Awful situation.
I'm glad the unemployment situation has worked out in a good way for you though, and that it means you won't be without income completely. I am surprised at how quickly the days are going and how little I'm getting done on a lot of them. Part of me thinks I should be doing more but just doing the basics feels like a lot of work at the minute. Son is happy and I haven't gone mad yet so we're doing okay :) And amazing that your pain has reduced so much! Do you think that's down to working less and just having more time to rest up? Great news, whatever the reason. And yes, lovely when the kids are happy, I would be finding this so difficult right now if my son were struggling with it. I said to him last night, "Thanks for handling the lockdown so well, you've been really amazing all the way through this" and he just shrugs it off and tells me to be quiet because he's busy watching his show lol xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on April 27, 2020, 05:38:44 AM ---DD needed to drive AND had a package to deliver to a friend. She's not so steady driving, bc she hasn't been practicing so I went with her. She was shaken up.... she scraped a tire against a curb and downtown was all but closed up.... homeless people on so many corners. This was dd's first time out of the house/neighborhood. I think anyone would be shocked. She didn't want to drive after leaving her friend's house.
The horrifying part wasn't wearing protective gear. It was watching people out and about being careless. People with children. She was ready to go home when we left Aldis. Didn't feel well at all.
As I said.... I think she was in shock, literally. We're working on breathing and she's listening to what happens when anxiety and fear take over. She's interested in learning how to calm herself.
To be clear.... I've spent too much time sheltering both girls. I notice when I want to keep doing things they can and should do for themselves. I can rationalize it.... they'll be gone soon... in college..... all grown up, but that doesn't feel right. Letting them learn and grow feels right.
I stop myself. I think about teaching them more. I realized, after your post about wishing I'd stay in more... that I hadn't prepared the girls to go out in any way. It's scary when you don't have a system.... when you're shocky.... when others aren't being careful.
The shock is a problem. I want them clear on safety and their right to keep themselves safe. I want them comfortable and capable of doing what needs doing. That takes practice. It helps to see someone else do it. Knowing what's out there, now, is a necessary thing, IMO.
As for the delivery services... they're a week out and a lot more expensive. I used them early on and put much of those orders in reserve.... lots of dried and canned goods. That's a necessary thing.
Going out once a week means we have fresh foods when we need and want them. The girls are planning meals and engaged in meal prep. Lots of dancing in the kitchen and enjoying food. There's comfort in that.
We're running the vehicles... they need to drive more than they have been.
I agree there's no perfect way to get through this and understand your concerns.
The way I feel about it dropped like a penny and my gut just clicked.
The girls are going to get stronger and grow up a lot through these months. I understand why I held back before.... their bickering was so distracting and distressing.
I'm not holding back now.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
It's difficult, isn't it, Lighter, how do you prepare them when you don't know what you need to prepare them for? Everything is up in the air. What will normal be? What will we all need to be able to do? Very tough questions to answer right now xx
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