Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Silver Linings
Twoapenny:
The garden sounds lovely, Hops, enjoyable, productive and means you won't have to worry about food running out. Boxes ticked on all levels there. And very interesting that your spring time depression hasn't hit, despite the fact that the current situation could induce depression in almost anyone! Do you have a theory as to why it hasn't hit?
There are aspects of the situation that I definitely want to keep up after we return to 'normal'. The once weekly shop that gives no opportunity to snack endlessly or skip meals has also saved me a huge amount of time with my every other day shopping trips no longer happening and is helping me lose some weight, as well as making sure I eat more fruit and veg as it's all we've got in.
Not accepting calls from people who might upset me, making excuses for other people's behaviour, feeling I need to justify my own behaviour and not getting in to arguments about points of view are all things I want to keep up, along with daily yoga sessions, as much down time as necessary and drinking plenty of water. I'm also feeling better for limiting newspapers and facebook to quick scrolls through just to check (a) important information and (b) if anyone is reaching out for help via the group.
Prioritising myself and son is definitely something I want to hang on to. There are only a few things he likes to go out and do and seeing how much healthier he is for being in for almost three weeks now I want to keep restricting how much he does, despite the protestations of almost everyone else we ever come in to contact with.
Valuing other people - this week or so has been a bit of a revelation for me in terms of old friends getting in touch to check we were okay, and my friend's mum (an old childhood friend, I spent more time at their house than my own when we were kids) texted to check we were okay. When I thanked her for making more effort for me than my own mum does she said she's always thought of me as a second daughter. That really touched me and I appreciated her saying that so much. So definitely have people I want to prioritise now over others. No more fretting over people who don't get in touch, don't reply to texts or return calls, who ignore emails. Focus on the people who are there now, not the ones who aren't.
Hopalong:
That is SO lovely, Tupp, your friend's mum expressing how she cares about you.
When the pandemic is over, how amazing it could be to see her again. I hope you can.
I think my depression didn't hit because of adrenalin. After the first couple weeks of self isolation during which I read way too much news...I began to realize that I was responding to the actualities, and putting a lot of energy into connecting with others. More than I usually do, and my baseline gratitude for every single person I care about (reciprocally!) mushroomed even bigger. I think the news of unexpected kindness everywhere and people caring about each other again in new/old ways, really lifted my spirits, as though on a parallel track. M got consumed by the awfulness and I got consumed by the humanity positives.
The garden just anchors it all in life itself. It wouldn't feed us totally of course, but it's going to bring both extra nutrients and soul food.
I think your son is a NATURAL social distancer, and he's now experiencing his own natural level of engagement and activity. How beautiful to see stress fade from his face. I can imagine it.
And you resting? Amen amen. About darn time. I am so glad you are letting that happen...because resting deep into your cells for an extended time is exactly what is needed in your life. The body and mind really ARE self healing, but present culture doesn't give us a chance to do it very often. It's lovely that you're using this period to renew yourself entirely.
I love silver linings. They are just as real as the rest.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
That's so interesting, Hops, it's as if life needed to simplify for you to be able to focus on those good and kind aspects without all the other 'chatter' in the background. Everyone having to stop is the change, I think. I don't feel left out and excluded the way I usually do? Son and I don't fit in to society very well and I find the people who want to live the same way that we do (or need to, I'm not sure which) are few and far between. At the moment, everyone is living like us. It's weird that we needed society to stop in order to feel part of it.
I hope M can find a way to focus more on the positives. There is a fine line between being aware of what's going on (which we all need, just to be safe at the moment) and being consumed by it. It's a difficult path to tread.
We will see my friend's mum; she's lovely and has always been lovely to me. When we were kids her house was a meeting point. She had four kids who between them knew just about every other kid on the estate and we all used to end up round there. She's the kind of person that takes in all the waifs and strays at Christmas so they've got somewhere to go for dinner. All of son's early Christmases were spent round there. She's always made more effort than my mum. So we'll be heading up to see her once we're all allowed out again.
And yes, I'm enjoying being able to rest and watching son get fitter and more relaxed. It's really lovely, and lovely to read of you gardening as well :) xx
Hopalong:
I will torture everyone with vegs descriptions, promise!
I really liked this (as so often, you sum up the heart of things so beautifully):
--- Quote ---It's weird that we needed society to stop in order to feel part of it.
--- End quote ---
I think a lot of normally-more-isolated people are probably feeling more like everybody else right now. It makes a lot of sense. The virus is a kind of great equalizer--sharing the experience good or ill.
I share your hopes that some of the silver linings will linger as culture reconstructs itself after the pandemic. If some of the good could become permanent change, and the bad become motivation for a better society.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
A neighbor is building a moss garden about a mile away from my house. I collected different kinds of moss for her, and moss from the next door neighbor's stepping stones as it grows back every year and makes them slippery. Healthy, lovely stuff.
That same neighbor gives me small cuttings from her huge happy lime green hydrangea bush every year. The cuttings from last year grow in a pot through the winter, and I transplant in spring. The first cuttings were transplanted to front yard next to the dry creekbed... behind the mailbox. It appears they're very happy there, so I might move rocks and plant new cutting there as well. Finding the right shade sun water ratio isn't easy.
Lighter
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