Silver Linings

[Hopalong]

That's so lovely, Tupp. I loved reading it.

So vivid and I can "see" the stress draining out of your son,
and you as well. It's really phenomenal. Realizing what tremendous
stress he's been under too his whole life, trying to fit himself into
the structures that the culture offered him. I know he must've gained
some very good things from college and some other services, but the
ordeal of getting there and back and planning all the in betweens must've
been overwhelming for him. Especially if he's noise sensitive.

The timing of this retreat is good too, sounds like. He seems mature
enough to self-amuse, so to speak. I like it that the staff member calls
him daily, reminds him he has his own social existence during this time.

Your delight in the simplicity of not being frantic to protect and care
and arrange and run a locomotive of survival stress...is the loveliest
thing to read. Watching birds and noticing the generosity of time and
light and simplicity.

I'm very happy for that silver lining for you; it's well due.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

That's terrific news.... DS noticing he's hungry then making his own sammy, whoo hoo!

Whether it's just bc it was in his own time OR less stress = more time to notice and BE.... hard to say. 

You settling into time and space for joy is so nice to read, Tupp.

I'm curious about the potato plants or starts..... can't you just cut up potatoes you love?  I've seen potatoes planted on tv.... they cut them up, making sure to have at least one little eye on each, and they just grow from those pieces.

In any case, that sounds like an interesting project/experiement for you and ds to share.  If you could grow your own potatoes... that would be amazing.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I saw several vidoes on how to grow fantastic potatoes just in a bag of garden soil.
You basically lay the bag down, cut holes in it, and plant away.

Thought it was a great idea and much less work!

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Ah, yes, that's what the kits are - big rigid bags of soil that you can put on the patio to grow potatoes in   The garden's tiny - probably 7 feet by 12 feet?  And only about 7 x 2 of that is level, the rest is an uneven slope so I've been looking at what I can grow in pots and tubs around the edges (also thinking if we do move at some point I'd like to take stuff with me).  I think I can get a little mini greenhouse (you know the kind of plastic covered ones rather than glass) at one end if I put some planks down to level it out a bit.  And then I'd like things that climb to cover up the horrible fence a bit.  Maybe peas?  I think they're quite easy to grow.

[lighter]

I love snow pea leaves!  They're my favorite greens to eat with garlic and a little oil, yum!  I vote you grow snow peas!  You get double the crop if you pick the tender shoots and leaves along with the peas. 

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

I love snow pea leaves!  They're my favorite greens to eat with garlic and a little oil, yum!  I vote you grow snow peas!  You get double the crop if you pick the tender shoots and leaves along with the peas. 

Lighter

Me too, Lighter, and I love things that grow up, you know?  There are steps going up one side by the fence, I can see putting little rectangular troughs on each step with a trellis behind it and maybe over the top of the fence to give a bit more privacy as well.  We're very overlooked.  I was wondering about maybe growing a little willow shelter in the tiny gap between the fence and the shed, just so I've somewhere very quiet and private to sit where no-one can find me   Lol xx

[Twoapenny]

Bizarre silver lining but at the moment our income has gone up and our expenditure has gone down so our financial situation is much rosier than usual.  Government raised all the benefit rates immediately this happened - annoyed me as it really shows they know it isn't enough to live on but we all get slagged off for struggling to manage on it - but anyway, we've got more for the next year so that's a good thing.  Add to that son's college are paying him his lunch money each week which is good of them and we're not paying for bus fares.  So just from that we're about £300 a month better off ($372 according to the magic calculator on the internet).  On top of that we're only paying for food; food costs have gone up but we're still spending less than usual by not going out at all.  Son's savings account is filling up quickly so we've enough put by now to cover the next benefit drop which is over the summer when he officially finishes college and switches from child to adult benefits.  That was going to be tight but with this unexpected change it's now going to be okay.  It's a silver lining but an odd when for so many other people the situation is completely the opposite.  But I'm very grateful for it; I should now be able to clear all my debt by the end of next month and then we can start saving again (and maybe even go a bit mad and order some new clothes online!  Woo pee! ) xx

[Hopalong]

That's fantastic news, Tupp.

Fwiw, I'd urge you to save like a maniac. Nothing inessential...I'm forcing myself to garden ONLY with old seeds and giveaway plants, and it's still wonderful.

When you have your own savings pile up, every single thing you want to do in future to secure a better life/location/whatever, will be easier and much more secure.

Hugs,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

That's fantastic news, Tupp.

Fwiw, I'd urge you to save like a maniac. Nothing inessential...I'm forcing myself to garden ONLY with old seeds and giveaway plants, and it's still wonderful.

When you have your own savings pile up, every single thing you want to do in future to secure a better life/location/whatever, will be easier and much more secure.

Hugs,
Hops

Hopsie, I hear ya!  Will save all the extra, I think (which will be easy as it's extra) and I'm on a mission to go through mine and son's wardrobes and see what we can re-cut/dye/add things to/remove things from before buying new.  Will definitely do everything on a budget as usual, but psychologically it's always funny how choosing not to spend much is a very different mind-set to not being able to spend much?  It's very weird, I notice the same thing about saving versus paying off debt - putting money into a savings account feels much more satisfying to me than paying money off a debt does.  The psychology of things is interesting.  But yes, will defo save as much as possible because yes, to be able to sort of springboard into a new adventure when the time comes will be a very amazing thing xx

[Hopalong]

I hear that!

And personally I hate shopping. Barely ever buy new clothes as there are consignment shops everywhere. Nothing urgent for me, but I'm not a growing boy, either.

Happy saving! Once I took that Financial Peace class, I cut up all credit cards and have never had debt since. Not a penny. Never ever will. Deeply determined.

The psychological relief of being debt free is inexpressible.

Hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I hear that!

And personally I hate shopping. Barely ever buy new clothes as there are consignment shops everywhere. Nothing urgent for me, but I'm not a growing boy, either.

Happy saving! Once I took that Financial Peace class, I cut up all credit cards and have never had debt since. Not a penny. Never ever will. Deeply determined.

The psychological relief of being debt free is inexpressible.

Hugs
Hops

Yes, Hopsie, Amen to that, I was debt free for a long time but ran up debts when we moved - unforeseen expenses, a bit of bad planning on my part and then costs once we were here that I hadn't been aware would be coming, plus the return to work I thought was heading my way never happened.  I've chipped away at it as best I could and had assumed it would take me the rest of this year to clear, so being able to do it within the next couple of months now is a real bonus and then back to debt free it is   I like to keep cards (and I do have several) just so I know that if disaster strikes, I've got money to hand should I need it.  Throwback to early days when son was little and we unexpectedly found ourselves homeless without money - if we hadn't been rescued by a friend and my sister at the time I don't know what we would have done.  I focused on building up a credit rating after that so that I could get a credit card for emergencies and it is only for real emergencies, not for spending willy nilly.  Lesson learned for next time - I honestly think I'll assume everything will cost twice as much and then save that amount instead xx

[bean2]

Hi Hops,
This is bean.  Dr G opened up registration for me, it's really me, do you remember me?  I remember you had a bad back and had to type and work laying down.  How is your back?  I really hope you're doing well.

My hubby and I want to plant a garden so bad, and are planning on doing so around September.  I live in the desert and the sun scorches and kills everything except gourds in the summer.  The window to start a garden has closed but I do have some lovely sunflowers that are going nuts right now that I planted around Christmas time.  ha ha

hugs,
Bean

[Hopalong]

Hi Bean,
Thanks for remembering me! Yup, my back was pure hell during the last few years at my job. It's better now but will always be fragile I think.

Sorry to hear desert gardening's a challenge! Are there any secret tips for container gardening that could get you some nice veggies?

Hops

[bean2]

Hops,
I sure hope so!  It's funny, when I read your handle "hops" I think hops, used to make beer.  Then I read my handle "bean" and here we are talking about gardening!   

I do think when you come from an abusive Family of Origin - in my case I had narcissitic parents - finding ways to relax and nurture things is important. Gardening just seems like the perfect escape.  My husband is currently working on a backyard, he has planted 4 different types of grass...

My husband had an extremely abusive father, I did not know him he died before I met my husband but I hear the stories my husband and his siblings tell me and it's horrifying.  In comparison, I feel like my parents were pretty OK! 

Hubby has been talking about this vegetable garden non-stop since the coronavirus hit.  I know we won't have to grow our own food to survive - I know this logically - but spiritually and emotionally it seems like a good thing to do at this time of high anxiety.  Agree with everyone else who posted similarily.

bean

[Twoapenny]

Just had a text from a friend that said, "Are you bored yet?" and I realised that, for the first time in years I'm not bored.  I'm also not exhausted, stressed, anxious (I'll edit that - I'm anxious if I think about virus related things but I don't have the constant underlying anxiety that I've had for years) or, interestingly, feeling lonely.  It's just coming up to 7pm here and my level of tiredness is what I would usually have by 8am.  I've done lots of little things that I wanted to do today, and because I've done things I wanted to do, the boring but necessary stuff - meals, washing, emptying bins and so on - hasn't felt boring.  It's kind of hammocked in between things I do like doing so it hasn't had an impact, whereas ordinarily my entire day is one boring task after another, all of which are essential, and then I'm too tired to do anything I like at the end of the day.

I do think a lot is to do with the EMDR; I think that's shifted a lot of underlying stuff so my thoughts and feelings now are generally more immediate and easier to manage but I also think the rest and lack of stress has played a huge part in both myself and my son feeling so much better.  I'm just coming up to the stage in my cycle where I'm often as mad as a box of frogs and the symptoms just aren't there right now.  I feel like I can actually, really breathe and it's nice.