Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Silver Linings
Twoapenny:
A couple of things have been happening in the last two weeks. I've massively cut down on my sugar and caffeine consumption and for the first time in a long time have been able to, because I haven't needed the artificial energy to keep me going. I'm drinking a lot more water instead and the first couple of weeks I felt very lethargic and struggled to get through the day, some days easier than others but I could feel the lack of energy. I am starting to feel more energised now, though, which I think is a good sign. The combination of rest, sleep, lack of stress, fewer stimulants and more water with less snacking is starting to help, I think, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this goes.
I also feel like I'm finally starting to get to know myself. Without all the false personas (designed to cope) and the day to day pressure of having to deal with things I don't want to, I feel like all the layers are falling off and the real Tupp is starting to emerge. It's a really nice feeling and I'm getting back into things I haven't really had the energy to enjoy fully, like music and reading. I'm connecting with fellow feminists and left wingers on Twitter as well and I really like that. I've spent a lot of time feeling frustrated with a lot of people I know because we don't have an awful lot in common a lot of the time, and I think it's because the friendships have come from our circumstances rather than shared interests. So I'm enjoying connecting with other people for other reasons.
And I'm thinking about the future. I want to work on creating a nice, comfortable life for son and myself and then finding ways to make money that fit in with that. Lifestyle first, money second. I'm still pondering the communal living idea and I think we might try it for a couple of years just to try it out. If it's a nightmare than I'll know it's not for us and I can cross it off the list. If it works well then that will be great. But I feel less of a pressure to 'get it right'. Feels like it's possible to just try it and it not be the end of the world if it doesn't work out.
Hopalong:
Love every bit of this, Tupp!
Especially the real you, enjoying things you always did but haven't had time for.
How absolutely wonderful!
It's as though you (via the quarantine) have found out how to take SO much pressure off. The contrast must be delicious.
How you've deserved a break. Shame it took a pandemic, but I remember one thing you said about how the world needed to slow down so you could feel a part of it. I really connected with that, though I've been way less productive in basic ways.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 15, 2020, 06:48:56 AM ---Love every bit of this, Tupp!
Especially the real you, enjoying things you always did but haven't had time for.
How absolutely wonderful!
It's as though you (via the quarantine) have found out how to take SO much pressure off. The contrast must be delicious.
How you've deserved a break. Shame it took a pandemic, but I remember one thing you said about how the world needed to slow down so you could feel a part of it. I really connected with that, though I've been way less productive in basic ways.
Hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
It has been a much needed break from the merry go round, hasn't it. I don't want to get back on so I'm going to really work at finding ways to live in my own rhythm rather than having to join in with it all again. Some people have missed it and want to get back in, some have no choice because of work but for us I think I'll be keeping a semi imposed lockdown indefinitely. Or at least only going out if I really, really want to. It has taken a lot of pressure off, hasn't it? And I was thinking about how much pressure we're under - family pressure when younger (or older!) jobs and careers, kids and relationships, pressure to be a certain way because we're women and so on. I do wonder how different the whole world would be if all the pressure went? That would be interesting to think about some more.
I don't feel I've been very productive in basic ways lately (just getting through the day without having a nap has been too much! Lol). But then I wonder if that's another pressure? Do you find that comes from somewhere else or is it more things that you want to do but don't get around to? xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: CB123 on June 15, 2020, 10:32:41 AM ---I'm really tracking with you, Tupp. This enforced isolation has given me a lot of time to think as well and I think you are on to something.
I'm finding that I am having to take less over the counter pain meds throughout the day. My feet were in constant pain and now there's just none. I'm definitely more sedentary since I've been off work though, so that's what I need to work on. Not prepared to give up coffee though!!!
I spent a couple of years in an intentional community when the kids were younger. If there is a way for you to do a lot of visiting without committing to moving there, that might be a good first step. You might also see if anyone has written online about the community you are looking at. There is a wealth of information online these days, as you know. Sometimes some input from people who tried it and left can give you a better idea of its defining features.
I like your idea of delving into groups that fit your interests more. I realized that I had structured most of my social life around people who were raising kids the same age as mine. When they were raised and gone, there wasnt much else to hold those relationships together. Many of them are making my jaw drop at the stances they are taking on things like Trump and BLM. It's kind of amazing.
So encouraging to watch you relax and become more aware of what you want. You are a huge encouragement to me.
CB
--- End quote ---
And you are to me, CB, the parallels are amazing! How did you find living in an intentional community? There is one about an hour and a half from us that we've been to a few times as they hold Dance Church there (which obviously hasn't been running just lately). They do open days and have an air bnb room you can rent as well so it would be fairly easy for me to spend some time there and get to know how it is a bit without having to express an interest (I'm kind of thinking you might get a clearer view if they don't know you might want to move in at some point).
My big thing is really not knowing if son would cope with people around, especially in a place like that one that is a real drop in centre for the local community. Lots of people in and out doing different things. It has a very hippy vibe; they're almost off grid but not quite (still some electric from the main grid but most self generated and they've got a bio mass boiler and woodburners for heat and hot water). I do like what I've seen so far but am also aware that a fair few of the people in that area (it's quite well knows for being a town full of hippies!) were very into the whole 'covid conspiracy' stuff that was going around which kind of put me off a bit. On the one hand it's unlikely (I hope!) that we'll go through a situation like this again but equally I think I'd have found it difficult to share housespace with people waffling on about Bill Gates and his master plan.
On the other hand, son might really benefit from being around other people, particularly men, and particularly as there's plenty of physical work to do there (chopping wood is an almost constant job apparently, and my boy does love an axe. Lol). And because there's a hippy vibe they're generally quite accepting of difference and I think less likely to struggle with his differences. So yes, something to look into, I'd love to know what your experiences were?
Yes I definitely feel better than I usually do, much less pain and stiffness and my usual monthly headache hasn't put in an appearance - if that's buggered off I'll be very happy. The osteopath called to say she's open again and I found I don't feel a need to go. At the beginning of all this I wondered how on earth I'd cope without my regular treatments but it really all seems to have settled down on its own. Son seems settled and relaxed as well. I think we all just need to stay home lol. I'm glad you're feeling better with it all. And yes, almost all of my friends have been 'mums with other kids' and I just don't have an interest in shopping, boyfriend/husband drama and endless tales of what the kids are doing. And yep, the racism. I don't want or need to live in an echo chamber but for me racism is in the same bracket as sexual abuse and it's just a big no. No argument will make me rethink that so I don't want to spend time, online or otherwise, with people who'd think less of me if my skin were darker. xx
lighter:
Tupp:
How is the research into intentional communities coming along?
I'm interested in CB's opinions and experiences about that, as well.
Lighter
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