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lighter:
I didn't have the words for this last week.   I tried to talk to the T about it.  She didn't understand.
She still believes the police will save us with a phone call.  Very unlikely, btw.  My martial arts instructor made sure to dispel unrealistic expectations for law enforcement officers' ability to protect us.


My experience has been..... men with attachment issues are attracted to women exhibiting stoicism, inattention to them.... who are completely inaccessible and busy and uninterested in emotional interaction.... it must call to them like healing nectar for primal attachment wounds they spend their lives trying to work through in relationships.  And it's not just men... it's women too.   

A couple nights ago I glanced at the tv.  Playing in the background was Batman.  The Penguin's death scene popped up.  The one where Danny DeVito is wearing that horrific dirty long underwear costume.... he falls into the poison water and comes out with black gunk dripping out his nose and pie hole.....

THAT's how I was feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling about the contractor. 

That's how revolted and triggered I was.... it had my stress levels way up.

I THINK part of that stress was the response I get from people..... how clueless they are.  How ignorant they are about my right to protect and control my body, safety and what that looks like FOR ME, through my lens.   

But THAT was the moment where I knew knew knew I was the one with the information to keep myself safe.  I was the one with the right and obligation to protect myself.  No more conflict. No more frustration.  Only trust and acceptance.

Sitting here writing about this I realize.....
I don't see the Contractor as the Penguin.....
now.

He's just a broken, angry, violent little boy in a man's body....
fixated....
on me. 

That's still unpleasant, but it's not something I'm reacting to any longer.  I have calm around it.

Whew.... that feels so
much
better.

Lighter

Twoapenny:
I'm glad you realised you have the information to keep yourself safe, Lighter.  I think part of the problem with being trained to be polite, understanding, empathetic and so on is that we often learn to ignore our instincts.  I'm trying very hard to listen to my instincts now, even though they often contradict what my brain is telling me.  My instinct has always been right, and that includes with people.  And yes, I do think opposites attract in a way, it's a weird thing how very incompetent people are often drawn to very competent ones (and vice versa).  I'm glad those feelings are abating now and hope they stay away xx

lighter:
Of course, all the bookings for the cottage are canceling... one by one. 

The first official booking began tomorrow.

My niece decided to stay an extra week and has the AC repair guy servicing all units.  2 were leaking.  The one in the bunk room apparently still not fixed and filled the floor with water... everything under the bed.... hidden storage.... was soaked.  Repairman not sure what's going on.  He might not be able to save it.  He couldn't save the little beverage fridge after many attempts. Finally we cut off the cord and took it to the dump.  It was brand new.

Niece didn't like the dark spot on the kitchen ceiling..... said it stank like mildew, so they retreated with Boracare and I think will seal it with BIN product. I like the idea of a white ceiling in the kitchen.  I like the idea of a third coat of Boracare.   

Nono's youngest sibling... a brother, died yesterday of lung cancer,  which is what Nono had.  I'm relieved we won't be traveling to Canada for the service.  The traditional services aren't comforting to me.  I'm glad they're comforting to so many.

Lighter


 

 

lighter:
Tupp:

I'm glad you're trusting your instincts...  it's a good time to start. I bet they're spot on.  I notice my instincts have always been pretty good too.   

I don't see the contractor as being my opposite, except he's super needy and I have an aversion to people trampling into my space like that. 

It's sad he uses his competence to gain entry into people's homes, then tries to be part of their family... is how it looks.  For him, family is abusive and he's looking for people who tolerate him... maybe mesh with that style.  It's not me is all I have to say about it. 

His friends all talk about him like he's a fragile piece of glass.... remember his one co-worker drinking buddy who called him a "whiny tit?" 

He whines in the voice of a child....  which is sad, really.  I know he never had his needs met. 

Not my circus, not my clowns.

I can put that one down now.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Lighter, I'm so sorry about these feelings you're having.

May I ask for some clarity?

I tried to talk to the T about it.  She didn't understand.
She still believes the police will save us with a phone call.

I don't understand and am asking you (for as un-vague a description as you can do):

--Are you feeling specifically threatened by a contractor you've hired recently? Here, or the island?

--Apart from the psychological attraction stuff, what actual threats or threatening gestures have you received?

--Apart from speculating about the why, is there something concrete you need to do? A restraining order?

It sounds murky, vague and scary, but I don't understand what the facts are. What actual interactions have led to these dark tellings. I don't doubt you but the telling is confusing for me. I'm soooooo literal, forgive me for that.

I hope clarity will help and these dire scenarios you're hinting about won't materialize.

hugs
Hops

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