A place for the scary stuff

[lighter]

Florida is closed.  No boat ramps open.  We're not going to the island.

I think it's bc people are partying and being unsafe.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

You too, Lighter.

So glad you can always touch moss.
Sounds much nicer than wall pushing.

You're doing fine. Don't feed the fear furnace
inside. Trust all that work you've done. Keep
breathing.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Pulling weeds didn't quite get me all the way to calm, Hops.

What did, and don't think bad of me, was putting together an online grocery orders.
 I placed two today. One for Friday delivery  One for tomorrow.  I wonder if either will make it, but it's a HUGE comfort to have that.  Publix has a 10 dollar delivery fee if you count the tip.  It's amazing.  I think Aldi has a 35.00 delivery fee, but they're a couple a little farther away... first 3 deliveries are free I THINK. 
 
Just doing something normal...and I want want want things that remind me of pabum... of baby food... sweet and dairy eeeeeee.  Not so badly as when it first popped up, but still there.

That little red bellied woodpecker, tapping on my house and throwing yellow insulation all over the side yard had my attention for a minute today.  I thought...... do you have babies in that hole yet?  Then, I thought.... you put 10 holes in my HOUSE.... why don't I do something about that?

I want comfort food.  AND I understand I should spend time with that feeling and see what's beneath but researching DIY safety gear has my attention now.

I like this one bc it's easy and all that legal prep means I have plenty of plastic page protectors.  https://www.consumer.org.hk/ws_en/news/specials/2020/mask-diy-tips.html



Lighter

[Hopalong]

I wouldn't think badly of anybody doing anything that lowers their unique personal forms of anxiety!

And speaking of scary stuff, it makes perfect sense that planning and placing orders would dial that down.

Making things helps. Great you're doing masks. That's happening here too.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Lighter, I think you've got a lot on your plate at the moment - virus stuff, someone else's child to look after, bereavement, all on top of normal day to day stuff.  Then restraining order runs out.  I think it's likely a combination of all those things (understandably) becomes overwhelming.

For what it's worth, I think you should shelve thoughts of volunteering and helping the community, not least because you've got three kids at home you need to keep infection free.  Stay home, pull moss, make pants for pug   You can't be all things to all people and do everything.  It's a tough time for everyone now.  I suspect that contractor man will remember he got his arse kicked by Lighter and will keep himself busy elsewhere, but it's very unfortunate that he doesn't live too far away.  It does make it harder to put someone out of your mind when you know they're not that far away (I'm thinking very particularly of my mum when I say that!).  Sending you a cyber hug (contactless!)  Lol (((((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))))))

[lighter]

I've been inside officially 2 weeks.

People are signing up on special Manna volunteer site reguarlly... so there's no huge gaps right now.  I monitor it and it makes me feel better.  If I see a drastic drop, I'll finish the safety gear, try to make it lighthearted and go pack manna boxes. 

I believe the contractor is sane enough to stalk someone closer to home AND who hasn't held his feet to the fire by reporting, proving a case against him and walking the legal TRO through the courts, which I did.  There's no fun to be had here.   He needs to find someone else who'll put up and play with him.  That's definitely not me.

Please keep doing yoga when you can, making your little home smell good and doing what your instincts tell you is right.  The bath today did wonders for my mood after waking up feeling like a knife was being driven into my back on left side.  I pictured a sword cutting off whatever that was and it went away.   I'm sure people are thinking about us too, Tupp.  It goes both ways. 

I'm going to do what I can to cut off all that negative energy and focus on what's in front of me now.  They don't get to take up valuable real estate in our heads and bodies if we decide they can't, (((Tupp.))  There are other things to choose. 

I have ideas for some farming projects at dad's farm.  That's a good use of my time.  A little garden patch here will get planted. 

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Positive Side Effects of Cabin Fever:

Planning little garden patches!

And many more....

Lighter, just for clarity, when was the last in-person OR digital OR verbal/phone contact you had with the scary Contractor? (Giving him a capital C because he is demanding space in your head like a psychopath authoritarian....hmmm, who does that remind us of, in the national space?)

Hugs
Hops

[lighter]

I was on the island when Contractor last contacted me, so over a year ago, Hops. 

I think my cousin's dd's situation... she sent pics of bruises and ripped off nail.... copies of scary texts....  has the Contractor popping up, but not in a bad way.  I'm more confident he'll go elsewhere if he melts down, rather than HERE.

If he does come around, I'm confident I'll handle it.

Lighter

 

[Hopalong]

He's a ghost. A weak and ugly one.
I hope you can soon stop inviting him to dance in your psyche in his shit-soaked boots.

Pardon the language!

Peace to you, because that's what you need. Reliving that sensation feeds the fear furnace.

Know what? Sounds like a perfect topic for an EMDR session, from all I've been learning from you and Tupp about it....

Hugs
Hops

[lighter]

I see T in half an hour. 

She can't help me with Contractor, but she's given me the tools to work on him myself, blessedly.

I have other work to do with her today: )

Light