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Goodbye, Gennulman

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Hopalong:
Don't know if you old-timers will remember some of the posts I made about my sweet, alcoholic, codependent and PURE of heart friend, Gennulman. I talked about him a lot here, because he supported me so willingly and generously throughout the hideous collapse of my family, stress of N-boss, death of mother, estate battle with socioNbro and D's mental descent.....until at one point I had to back away gently, since his emotional needs were so great that I couldn't remain close to him. (And, the drinking was beyond me.) I kept trying to rescue him, desperately, working with the church and his sister (who finally treated him to a stint in rehab, which alas didn't stick). And then faced up to it.

But I was always and remain profoundly moved by who he was, how much he tried, and how incredible it was to have this lovely human being willing to email into the night when I was in the throes of anxiety so terrible I lack words for it. I remember him sitting in an uncomfortable wooden chair ALL DAY when I was in court with my brother, just waiting to be my support and by my side on the way home. His sister helped me too and we became good friends.

Gennulman was found dead in his bed a couple days ago (the pandemic meant people weren't seeing him every week as usual). We don't know the autopsy results yet, but it could have been anything: alcohol, heart attack, other. He was 10 years younger than I am, and had been extraordinarily fit, and once very successful in his career...his life spiraled slowly and very far down. I did get him to embrace the idea of a UU phamily (he could also walk there from his apartment) and he found belonging and welcome and became a valued, loved member. Did all sorts of tasks and repairs, said Yes to a thousand requests and participated in many things.

So, I'm sad. And grateful. And sad. And grateful.
I know he would not have ever become a happy old man.

I've gotten multiple calls from people who remembered how close we once were, and was invited to write a thing about him for the announcement.

Here it is, basically:

"     "G found his way to us over ten years ago and became a stalwart member of our church family. G was a kind, loyal and tireless contributor to many repairs and campus security. He gave no less support to members in need of an ear, a bit of help and company, or a warm smile on a Sunday morning. And he never met a heavy piece of furniture he wouldn't tote for our yard sales, a tool he wouldn't wield, or a challenging task he wouldn't tackle.
 
     An accomplished software engineer, G was also an elite rock climber who ranked in the top ten percent of climbers worldwide, spending his early adult years in the mountains of Colorado. He loved to garden and shared that skill with us. He loved his sister and her family, his many friends, and every dog or cat he came across."

It didn't do him justice. But I thought some of y'all would remember what he'd meant to me.

Hops

lighter:
I remember, Hops. 

He was a good friend to you.

You were a good friend to him.   

The words you shared would have made him proud. 

Lighter

Twoapenny:
I'm so sorry that he's passed, Hops.  He sounds like he was a good friend to you, and a rock to cling to at a difficult time.  What you wrote about him was lovely, I got a real sense of who he was and what he meant to people.  Let's hope he's happily rock climbing forever more now xx

Hopalong:
Thanks, guys.
He was a good human being, very good, with a bad problem.
His sister told me I'd helped save his life by dragging him into activities there.
She thinks they'd have lost him sooner otherwise. That was nice of her to say.

I'm just sad he's gone from the world, but I picture him as you do Tupp, free-climbing some mountain that's straight vertical or worse, no gear, and of course he chose the most difficult slope.

I'll miss him.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Hugs Hopsie.

Sad news - and also an opportunity to remember how many ways he struggled against his "problem". Sounds like he found a way around it, to bring some happiness to people. And overall, that's about the best we can hope for in this life.

Your words bring that memory front & center.

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