Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Garden
Hopalong:
I think sometimes when people help or rescue, even when the help is useful and valuble, then the helpee feels shame. Shame they can't own (most painful emotion there is).
So maybe sometimes the nasties weren't showing appreciation (or even flipping to meanness) because some part of themselves couldn't receive with grace, accept help, be vulnerable. Shame.
I don't know if this relates, but when M breezily says "Oh I'll come vacuum your house" and because, in his case, he makes such a huge production out of any help he gives (which draws the spotlight back to him, making the production even more operatic) -- I cringe inside. I'd rather sit here in my dirty house and feel miserable than have his hyper-efficiency and productivity unleashed in the direction of my dignity, which is wobbly enough already.
Dunno if the shame idea connects but it's what came up...
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Well, I am mulling that over, Hops.
It helps to see things from the perspective of others.
Lighter
Meh:
Hops: "making the production even more operatic) -- I cringe inside. I'd rather sit here in my dirty house and feel miserable than have his hyper-efficiency and productivity unleashed in the direction of my dignity, which is wobbly enough already."
I'm just laughing Hops it's hilarious, your description of it, my mental vision of the scene. I'm sure it's not a funny predicament, it's just that you crack me up.
Though I don't get why people make a performance out of helping it's like something an employee would do well I guess to get in a higher-ups good graces, but still it is cringey.
Hopalong:
Thanks, G.
Laughing (or even a wan smile) is the best thing possible...
it's all human absurdity, bracketed by outside tragedy, so
I'm grateful to make anyone laugh. Any time.
And there is something a bit ridiculous about M and me both.
Old-fool rigidiculous.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
I'm still mulling, Hops.
And I'll have it figured out when I'm done filling these fabric pots.
Ahhh..... gardening.
Like walking meditation.
Lighter
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