Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The Lake House
lighter:
The idea of either property being in HGTV gave me a chuckle, Hops.
Hopalong:
I know, and I didn't mean it literally.
It's just the FUN you're having with so many elements and decisions.
It's fun to see you savoring it.
Excercising all that artistic freedom.
Bravo!
hugs
Hops
lighter:
The decision to pull the pinch pleats OUT of the gorgeous draperies we bought from ReStore..... drapes still have tags on them from workroom.... some don't have hems, but they're all over 104" long, but for one panel I have a use for, at about 80 wide. A lovely pattern on top drawer fabric.....the best linings..... came out of a workroom in California..... never hug. At 25.00 a panel, they were a crazy good buy 8 years ago. Kind of crazy they found their place 2 States away.
This means I can cover almost every bedroom wondow with these fantastic black out lined English wood floral and my girls have signed on to help me do that with DD22's fancy sewing machine. Should be straight sewing and finishing edges..... cutting straight... the girsl can do the stright part. Not my forte.
My post op buddy met me at the lake a couple weeks ago and we moved truck loads of stuff to the out building and dumpster.... made a run to Goodwill. Felt amazing. The place is coming together.
I promised my brother I'd take out the big stained glass window over the kitchen cabinets to let more light in and man... tons more light spilling into the center of the house. Seeing the sky, trees and clouds feels good too. Of course, about 50% of those who care HATE the stained glass is gone. About par for the course. Taking the glass out meant we were on a very tall ladder with tools, handling heavy weight while leaning precariously over the cabinets..... went well and both sides of the remaining clear, if sketchy, glass is clean and looks like a hole in the wall, rather than a window. It's kinda grand.
I'll likely fetch the draperies, window measurements and work on the remaining flooring this weekend, which I'm not dreading at this point. Before putting a large room of LVP in with BIL the idea of all that solo measuring and cutting on the saw would have created anxiety. Not so much, I'm noticing.
What else..... I won't have time to work on anything else, but I'm excited about how the fast and dirty distress of doors came out. Takes 4 hours approx to do an entire door, front and back. It would be good to put a bow on the renovations we started over a year ago. Niece and nephew's B Day party is happening, so that means flooring won't even get started, but lots to do.
It's weird to be sitting in a coffee shop window.... by myself. Not sure why, but it is. I think it has more to do with being around people... prolly. I feel like flinging myself back, by miles, emotionally, from people lately..... like proximity is a disease, but I'm working on calming that down.
It's me. I'm "nice" ..... too nice. What i can change, I'm going to change. Firstly, will draw energy back to my body and tighten it up.... keep other people out of my space, emotionally and physically as a habit and see what, if anything, shifts.
Second, I'm going to validate the chaos people in my neighborhood have sprayed all over the place....... if I get splashed.... I'm standing too close. Have to figure how to stay out of the splash zone. THAT is the me part and the only piece I can control. Will be enough.
4 out of 6 houses on my street have had big drama.... the latest ambulance call was out of those neightbor's control.... but still. only 2 of the neighbors are good as gold, never a negative peep lovely people and the single guy shared similar experiences with his dog being pide pipered away by Cowgirl and her sweet treats, and the Retired Nurse ordering him to man the snow throwing machine, even though the snow will be melted in a couple days without breaking our backs.
I'm never blowing snow again. If a neighbor needs to get to the hospital, I'll drive them. All three of my vehicles will drive through the snow. WHY in heaven would we need to blow off every single driveway? I just shovel the tire tracks away so they don't ice over i n my driveway. Heck, an ambulance can get thm there...... single guy and I have the same small cars...... he's in healthcare.... no reason for me to drive most of them anywhere. I'll take a few of them, no worries, but the rest shouldn't have to rely on me for that. Wow...this knd of insecure attachment stuff feels like it's working it's way out of my constitution via my skin sometimes....
ahem....
left armpit.
Amd I'm not upset about any of this. I'm clear..... I have clarity and today was a beautiful day. I enjoyed both my kiddos and the pug. Got more stuff together for the Vets. Going through kitchen stuff and replacing things I don't love with old family farm things... knives and spoons and what looks like hand wrought BBQ forks, etc. Cast iron skillets coming in..... cheap skillets going to vets or the island. I'm in the mood to clean pan bottoms!
Lighter
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---I'm standing too close.
--- End quote ---
I'm feeling analytical, Lighter toss anything that doesn't ring real:
On the one hand you are very closely observant of and involved with so. many. things. about your neighbors. There are many texts and calls and dramas; neighbors seem to be filling your daily needs for connection. You volunteer for responsibilities ahead of time, like snow transportation, as though it's your automatic role as rescuer. How does this feel? Are there other places in the community you might volunteer without unhealthy vigilance? Make new friends outside the cul de sac, for balance?
On the other hand you feel the need to tighten up so people can't encroach on you.
I don't think I'm sketching a problem as much as maybe a situation to ponder.
You deserve peace, not vigilance, not anxiety, in the place you live.
hugs,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Lighter, that neighbor situation is why I live so far "out". I have enough going on with myself, that OPPs problems are a distraction to me. With only 3 neighbors (not including Hol & S) in the hollar, we do tend to look out for each other but everyone minds their own gardens. Hol & I have done enough work on ourselves and together, that we know when to allow space.
One day last week, it was midmorning or so, I was typing a post on the porch. I had heard a noise which I figured was one of my pack of tomcats or a deer. It was a shock to look up & see a 3-400 lb black bear strolling thru the front yard just as Hol & her friend were about to join me at the studio for some "girl talk". I gathered my stuff right quick and got inside & told her to hold off a few minutes till Yogi moved on. Of course, that resulted in them arriving in a dust cloud of speed in Helga... LOL... Hol still hasn't seen a bear here.
I texted the closest neighbor, coz she seems the anxious type to me, to let her know. She also has a pair of deaf beagles who occasionally wander our way. To my surprise, she laughed and sent me a pic saying - was it this one?? Seems he'd visited them & took a dip in their pond the day before. B has helped the widow's son, at the end of the road with some mechanical issues already. All 3 of the men on the road, already have a working relationship. LOL.
But other than that, there just isn't a lot of social expectation on anyone. Doesn't mean we don't stop & talk. Chit chat stuff. The only time I encounter drama these days is when Hol feels compelled to empty out her head of all her insecurities and fears and old stuff she's still reliving on a visceral level - even though it's no longer actually happening to her. But that's getting less & less, now that she has 3 big dogs to wrangle. She's worn out! ;)
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